A little freaked

Old 01-29-2017, 06:16 PM
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A little freaked

I'm surrounded by a mess... bags and plastic totes, things in various states of disorder and it's sinking in that in less than 24 hours I'll be on my own for the first time ever. I find myself still trying to make myself small here and not make too much noise. I never really felt comfortable here and I almost feel bad I'm so anxious to get out of here (while being scared of it at the same time!). I know I have it in me to be calm, cool and collected but there's always this self sabotaging side of me that comes out. I think I'm still readying myself for the other shoe to drop so that when it does it won't hurt so bad.

Has anyone else experienced that? Do you find yourself holding your happiness back or purposely grinding yourself down so that when something does inevitably go wrong it won't hurt so much? I don't like that I do this, especially since things hardly ever go that wrong or that badly. Just stinks that when something does happen it justifies the way you feel and sort of keeps that check "in place".
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Old 01-29-2017, 06:30 PM
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Well, change always presents some risk. How about focusing on your ability to deal with whatever might go wrong? Moves rarely happen without a hitch. Adjusting to a new living situation typically involves some things that are great, and some that are not so terrific.

You've done a lot of work to get yourself to this point. You've overcome obstacles (including the ones in your own head). This is just one more challenge. Life is full of them. You're stronger than you were before and you'll continue to grow. What is hard at first you can learn to deal with.

So start by putting these black-and-white notions aside. It won't all be great but it won't all be terrible, either. And in the long run, you'll wind up in a much better place than where you've been.
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Old 01-29-2017, 06:37 PM
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Hey, change is hard. But you know once you're settled in how much better you'll feel not walking around trying to be invisible.

Also, moving sucks. Having just packed up my parents' entire house for them I flew home...and we got an offer on our house after 11 months. Get what I get to do next month?

So I feel fully qualified to mention that moving is the seventh circle of hell except with more cleaning.

You'll get through this. Sending you a hug.

P.S. And yes, I do that "don't get excited" thing, too. I think it's because as a highly sensitive person, any really strong emotion is difficult for me, especially when I'm stressed anyway. So I try to avoid extremes both ways, which is probably pretty sad!
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Old 01-29-2017, 06:43 PM
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You've GOT THIS, Expanding! I just read your situation with your friend you're living with... you should be celebrating LOL! Seriously... you've GOT this!
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Old 01-29-2017, 08:43 PM
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Originally Posted by Ariesagain View Post

Also, moving sucks. Having just packed up my parents' entire house for them I flew home...and we got an offer on our house after 11 months. Get what I get to do next month?
!
^^^^^ This.

Hang in there Expanding. One foot in front of another and it will get better.
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Old 01-29-2017, 09:08 PM
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You will be okay. Just pack, move ahead, keep going.
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Old 01-29-2017, 09:27 PM
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Originally Posted by Maudcat View Post
You will be okay. Just pack, move ahead, keep going.
My mantra
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Old 01-29-2017, 09:28 PM
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Attagirl.
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Old 01-30-2017, 06:18 AM
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I know I have it in me to be calm, cool and collected but there's always this self sabotaging side of me that comes out. I think I'm still readying myself for the other shoe to drop so that when it does it won't hurt so bad.

Has anyone else experienced that? Do you find yourself holding your happiness back or purposely grinding yourself down so that when something does inevitably go wrong it won't hurt so much? I don't like that I do this, especially since things hardly ever go that wrong or that badly. Just stinks that when something does happen it justifies the way you feel and sort of keeps that check "in place".


This quote of yours describes my life to a "tee," and something I am desperately trying to change. I have terrorized myself with my thoughts, fears and anxieties, more than any real person or any real event has actually terrorized me in real life. You've got this! It will out work out just fine. Deep breaths and try to stay in the moment.
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Old 01-30-2017, 07:16 AM
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Thank you guys <3

So far so good. Leave for the final walk through in 45 minutes!
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Old 01-30-2017, 07:19 AM
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YAY!! Keep us posted!
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Old 01-30-2017, 08:31 AM
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This is crazy... a year ago today I wrote in my journal that while out to eat I told my X that I didn't think we were going to work... it wasn't planned but I was just so tired and had had one foot out the door for so long that it just came out. If only I could show myself what my life would look like in just one short year... so much can change. I don't know if I would've tried to end things if I had known how painful it was going to be... but I'm so glad it happened.
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Old 01-30-2017, 05:17 PM
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E,
Change is so hard. But if you asked every man and women who left their addict, if there life was better or worse. I bet you would get a huge response that their lives were so much better.

I sometime question my divorce over 2 years aog, wondering if I did the right thing. Then I get the answer..... ( A friend of a friend saw axh Saturday as he was moving some furniture. The one friend asked my friend if axh had a drinking problem. She asked him why he asked, and he said at noon that he smelled like alcohol. Not sure if it was a bloody Sat. morning or a bad night, and still smelling. But it really doesn't matter in my life anymore. I am grateful I slept well and had no one to worry about). These are the answers that make believe that I am ok.

Hugs my friend, it will all fall into place.
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Old 01-31-2017, 03:10 AM
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Hi E hope you're gradually getting all your stuff in order, and that's an analogy for your life as well, lol.
Looking forward to hearing how the new place looks.
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