need some advice

Old 08-26-2001, 08:34 AM
  # 1 (permalink)  
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need some advice

hello to all. i appreciate the chance to get some help. my "problem" is going to seem pretty lame, but maybe there is still something that can be said to help. my husband has been sober now for 12 years. this is a major blessing and joy to all who know him. the problem is that he really doesn't seem to be in active recovery anymore, he's now more like someone who just doesn't drink. he at one time spoke very openly about his addictions, and I am familliar with recovery, and I know that there is more to an addict's problems than just the alchol/drugs. our life is very stressful at the moment, and we seem to be unraveling. i am seeking help for my issues, and would really benefit by being able to talk to people about my husband's behavior, and how i can deal with it and understand it a little better.

Old 08-26-2001, 07:38 PM
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Pernell Johnson's Avatar
Join Date: Mar 2001
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sophiemaxie welcome to the forum. i have a few questions that mght clear this up.

1.Do you have a program?

2. When eas the last time, you attended and participated in Al-anon

3. Do you have a sponsor?

4. Did you ever work the 12 Steps of Al-Anon
The first step being you are powerless over your dependencies.

5. Do you say the Serenity Prayer often.

What I am saying is that when he was an addict, you were as sick as he was, whether you knew it or not. You both needed a program and to heal and learn to live through practicing and incorporating the steps into your life. Some people learn by example if they are still teachable. You get your own program and see if he will follow back to the rooms. It is a sure bet if you do the step work, you will get better and then turn over to God the things you are powerless over. This is Al-Anon and I am from NA but I do know what works. you guys have a lot of sober time but maybe you need to look into, what is "Stage II" recovery.

I hope in some humble way I have been helpful.

Just for Today-----------I am Sober
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Old 08-27-2001, 07:33 AM
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smoke gets in my eyes's Avatar
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Hi Sophie...
I'm with Pernell, get thee to al-anon.

But, I would like to add, in reference to your lives being very stressful now... find some constructive ways to deal with the stress. Time off? Hobby? A night at the movies? Long drive? Write letters to old friends? Pillow fight? A couple of nerf bats? Keep saying to yourselves "this too, must pass", and try to laugh today...WITH YOUR HUSBAND. If he's not drinking, don't put the idea in his head.

Your problem is not lame. Alchoholic literature is littered with people who relapse after many years of sobriety, and I'm sure you are well aware of this. There are also, however, people who just plain learn better ways to cope, and use those devices. Encourage your husband (and yourself) in those better ways. However scared you are, act as though you ASSUME he will take the high road, and try to believe it. People so often do what is expected of them.

Keep posting. We want to know how you're doing.

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Old 10-04-2001, 10:30 AM
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Hello, I agree with everyone else I think you would benefit from a program, the key is though to go together . Is it possible that your husband would attend an al-anon meeting with you? My father is an alcoholic and although he hasnt had a drink for 6 years now he and his wife are having alot of problems , mainly because he still has a very short fuse and since weve all been going to the aa and al-anon meetings together they have been able to work thru alot of the problems and are continuing to work on the others. If he is open to going I think it would do both of you good, however, if he wont I still think you should try to attend that way people who are in the same situation , and trust me there are many , can give you support and positive thaughts and ideas. Hope all goes well , god bless

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