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TIRED OF IT!!

Old 09-30-2001, 07:28 PM
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BETHANN
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Angry TIRED OF IT!!

I AM SO TIRED OF THE SAME OLD THING EVERYDAY. MY FIANCE COMES HOME, GOES OUT IN THE BACK YARD WITH THE NEIGHBOR, AND DRINKS TILL BEDTIME. AND THEY SMOKE POT. THIS IS SOMETHING FAIRLY NEW. HE STARTED DOING THAT EVER SINCE I TOLD HIM HE COULD ONLY HAVE A 6-PACK A DAY INSTEAD OF AN 18 PACK. THATS WHEN HE STARTED SMOKING POT.IT MAKES ME SO MAD I COULD JUST ABSOLUTLY SCREAM!!! IF I GET HIM TO STOP ONE THING HE JUST REPLACES IT WITH SOMETHING WORSE. I HATE TO SAY ANYTHING ELSE. I KNOW ALL THE FUSSING I`M DOING IS GOING TO EVENTUALLY BLOW UP. CAN U HELP???
 
Old 10-01-2001, 06:21 AM
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Hi Bethann....
You're moving in the right direction. Posting here instead of blowing up at your boyfriend is wise and healthy. Have you considered joing an al-anon group?

I take it he's aware that you disapprove of his pot smoking? All you can do is say how you feel, it's up to him whether he respects that or not. Then it's up to you to decide what you're willing to put up with. I urge you to refrain from giving him ultimatums unless you're prepared to stick by them.

Your boyfriend needs to figure out what void in his life the chemicals are filling. Maybe you can help him do that, or maybe he needs to find counseling or a group. Try not to approach these subjects when you are angry or tearful. It's likely to provoke resistance.

Welcome to the forum! Keep posting. We care.

Smoke
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Old 10-02-2001, 03:16 PM
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BETHANN
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I AM THINKING ABOUT GOING TO AL-ANON MEETING. I JUST DON`T HAVE MUCH TIME RIGHT NOW. THAT`S WHY I GOT ON HERE. I COULDN`T IMAGINE WHAT KIND OF VOID HE COULD HAVE IN HIS LIFE. HE HAS SUCH A WONDERFUL AND SUPPORTIVE FAMILY. AND YES, HE DOES KNOW HOW I FEEL ABOUT HIM SMOKING POT.
AND THANKS SMOKE, FOR YOUR REPLY. I FEEL BETTER ALREADY JUST TALKING TO SOMEONE

[This message has been edited by BETHANN (edited October 02, 2001).]
 
Old 10-03-2001, 08:27 AM
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Hi Bethann...
Dino has a wonderful family, too. At least, no more faults than the average. It's hard sometimes to understand someone else's dissatisfaction. But he needs to think about it and explore it. Preferably in a group or with a counselor, because he's likely to come up with a lot of wrong answers before he'll get down to the real ones. You hear them all the time, from "my wife doesn't understand me" to "the WTC collapsed.".
I too, have a worklife that does not permit getting to meetings, and I found this site for that reason, too. But everyone here who goes recommends it.

Keep on posting!
Smoke
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Old 10-03-2001, 02:42 PM
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BETHANN
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IS IT THAT HE IS TRYING TO FILL A VOID IN HIS LIFE AND HAS ISSUES TO DEAL WITH OR IS IT JUST A DISEASE? THE MORE I UNDERSTAND THE MORE I CAN HELP HIM, I HOPE.
I HAVE BEEN SICK WITH WHAT I THINK IS THE FLU AND HE STILL JUST WENT IN THE BACKYARD AND GOT HIGH AND DRUNK LAST NIGHT. CAME IN AT 9:00, WHICH JUST HAPPENS TO BE MY BEDTIME. I REALLY NEEDED HIM LAST NIGHT AND HE COULDN`T TEAR HIMSELF AWAY LONG ENOUGH TO TAKE CARE OF ME.
 
Old 10-04-2001, 05:41 AM
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Boy is that ever a big question. "Is it a disease?" Addiction is surely a physical condition... whether or not you choose to refer to it as a disease seems to me to be largely a question of semantics.
Something made him turn to chemicals in the first place. It could be something as seemingly small as boredom. I urge you to read some of the posts on the NA and naranon pages here. I think you'll get a lot of info., and one of the ideas you'll see repeated an overwhelming number of times is that an addict requires a LIFE CHANGE if he is ever to be free of the urge to injest mind altering chemicals. Just detoxing is rarely enough. Now, it follows, that if a life change is required, there was probably something wrong with it in the first place.
Along with is there a void to be filled and is it "just" a disease, there is also "is he just a jerk". (Oooh, hit your protective button, didn't I?) But even if one cares to descend to labels of that sort, don't you kind of think that someone who is so self absorbed has some kind of a problem?
Go to the al-anon home page (http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/) and read some of the information there. You are wise to want to know as much as you can. But I'm afraid you may have to refocus from helping him to helping yourself. Nothing you are doing makes him drink, and there is probably nothing you can do to make him stop. He has to find that motivation himself.

Smoke
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Old 10-04-2001, 05:13 PM
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BETHANN
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NO PROTECTIVE BUTTON HIT THERE SMOKE, I KNOW HE HAS JERK POTENTIAL AND I ALSO KNOW WHEN HE IS ACTING OUT OF THE ORDINARY, EVEN FOR HIM. I CHECKED OUT THE WEBSITE, - THANKYOU. I THINK I`LL ORDER A COUPLE OF BOOKS FROM THERE. I TRY TO READ AS MUCH OF ALL THE MESSAGE BOARDS THAT I CAN. IT DOES HELP. IT HELPS TO KNOW I`M NOT ALONE. IF I GET UP THE NERVE, I`M GONNA GO TO A AL-ANON MEETING TOMORROW NIGHT. I`LL LET YOU KNOW. I TOLD HIM ABOUT IT TOO. HE DIDN`T SAY ANYTHING ABOUT IT. HE`S BEEN SOBER FOR 2 DAYS AND IT HAS BEEN WONDERFUL, BUT I KNOW THAT ALL ENDS TOMORROW AND SOON AS WORK ENDS.
 

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