Hi Sophie...
I'm with Pernell, get thee to al-anon.
But, I would like to add, in reference to your lives being very stressful now... find some constructive ways to deal with the stress. Time off? Hobby? A night at the movies? Long drive? Write letters to old friends? Pillow fight? A couple of nerf bats? Keep saying to yourselves "this too, must pass", and try to laugh today...WITH YOUR HUSBAND. If he's not drinking, don't put the idea in his head.
Your problem is not lame. Alchoholic literature is littered with people who relapse after many years of sobriety, and I'm sure you are well aware of this. There are also, however, people who just plain learn better ways to cope, and use those devices. Encourage your husband (and yourself) in those better ways. However scared you are, act as though you ASSUME he will take the high road, and try to believe it. People so often do what is expected of them.
Keep posting. We want to know how you're doing.
Smoke