dandylion

I am pleased to hear this, Mxdad. Making changes and growing is not easy for any human ......

dandylion

Mxdad2003

I know im not perfect, plenty of room for improvement as a husband, father and a man
I have know for a while but have been distracted with her drinking and my job-but this has been quit the priority shakeup
but now i know sometimes you have to prune something for it to grow.
Thats the way im looking at this in regards to my marriage
My hope is this was just major pruning that was long over due but also realize sometimes if you prune too much it dies

firebolt

It doesn't sound sad at all!!! - you just might have to put the good relationship with your wife part on the back burner for a while for if and when you both have done some healing and healthy work.

It is OK for you to have cautious optimism for her recovery....I just don't want you to bank the farm on it, and IF she goes back to drinking, it will be a softer landing and easier to make decisions if you are already in happy, healthy YOU mode. If she does not go back to drinking, then happy healthy YOU will be able to support her in healthy ways, as well as making happiness for yourself.

oh - I fish and ride too - totally understand the love and peace there and glad you have some things that are fun for you!

CentralOhioDad

Im just trying to gather info and get my ducks in a row-i like to make educated decisions and have a plan

My kind of guy!! I totally, 100% understand! I'd rather be on the offensive, than the defensive. Keep us posted, we care.

COD

Mountainmanbob

Encourage her to work a strong Program.

And take good care of yourself.

Pray.

Church for the two of you possibly ???

MB

Mxdad2003

Definitely church
She enjoys going more than me actually but this situation has gotten me ever closer than ever to God
No way i could do this on my own
As time passes im certain i will be on here less and less but i will check in periodically
This site has been super supportive
I have learned so much-i had no idea alcohol was so bad
I knew it was bad in general but it is always portrayed as harmless-but know now its not the case
I still wish i could understand what in the brain makes people alcoholics vs people that just like to drink occasionally (me)
I believed that for my whole life-not until recently i became aware of alcohol true effects on a human being
The sexual abuse topic was a real eye opener as well-i know men that are just like that-that take advantage of drunk women but had no idea it happened near as much as it appears from their stories.
I had a long talk with my son (23 yo-USMC-social drinker)on the subject the other night about the subjectand we agreed it is not right and no true gentleman would ever do that

dandylion

Mxdad.....I think that most people come here when there is some crisis in their li ves......and leave when their lives or situation becomes more stabilized.....

It is wonderful when those who have benefitted return to share what they have learned and experienced with those who are reaching out for help....
Kind of like giving back and paying it forward, all at the same time......LOL....

dandylion

Mxdad2003

Well it didnt go as well as i had hoped
She came home.
She has contacted a lawyer(supposedly because i had)
Wants space
Wants to move out
And then i found out shes been talking to the 1st guy she had "accidently" slept with
Taking pills for anxiety and smoking cigarettes(which is fine but she spent 20 years complaining about my smoking)

Im not divorcing her yet but i know if she moves out guy #1 will be involved based on the convesation they were having

**** me
I realize i can only worry about me and my daughter

CentralOhioDad

My AW keeps threatening to move out - I wish she would. SO, just let yours go, might make the proceedings easier - will certainly make the household more peaceful.

Best of luck

Bobbieka

I'm so sorry, Mxdad2003. My heart hurts for you. I know you had wanted things to get better. Take care of you and your daughter. From this day forward, your life can get better.

dandylion

Mxdad.....perhaps this was inevitable.
I am sorry that things didn't turn out as you had hoped.
sometimes, too much water has gone under the bridge......

Have you considered alateen for your daughter's support....
The kids need support as much as the adults in situations such as this.....

dandylion

LexieCat

What, exactly, about this situation still gives you hope? Why in the world would you keep hanging on under these circumstances?

If I were you, I'd:

1. Give her space
2. Let her move out
3. Find a good lawyer

CentralOhioDad

Agree with Lexie 100%

firebolt

These 2 sentences REALLY contradict each other.

You and your daughter deserve better, and you can take that control back of your lives. By doing nothing, you are handing your futures to your unstable wife to decide what to do with them.

I am sending you this video gently.... it's short and obvious....and it took me years to 'get it.'

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ccVwZRkkrnc

What your wife has done and continues to do seems unacceptable to you. You can end it at any time.

I say that as someone that made the conscious decision to stay in a miserable addicted and verbally abusive partnership....every single day for the better part of 5 years of my short, precious life. YOU can change this. (((HUGS))) It is so painful.

AnvilheadII

she didn't ACCIDENTLY sleep with anybody....i know you railed about how could a MAN take advantage of a woman like that, because then you could see your AW as the innocent victim.

ain't nothing innocent about her. she cheated on you and continues to do so. if those words seem harsh, it's only because the truth is sometimes harsh.

why would you NOT divorce a woman who does not want to be with you and is involved with at least one other man?

Lilro

Mxdad

I'm not sure what bothers me more, her drinking or her infidelity. My advice to you as a woman
Get an Attorney

Sorry for what's happening there but you and your daughter deserve SO MUCH MORE.

FeelingGreat

I'm sorry to hear your news MX because you made it clear that you wanted it to work, and your sounded like she had a real shot at recovery.

I do agree with the others that giving her space is the best thing you can do, even if you want to pull her back into the family. She seems to have made up her mind for now and any resistance from you could make her even more determined.

Concentrate on keeping your daughter safe, and setting yourself up with a support network for yourself, because it's going to be tough for a while. Friends, family, counsellors, they all help.

redatlanta

Well, I guess you now know the real reason behind her early release.

Let her "do her thing"........Im unsure why you are tolerating her at all seeing as she spoke of such regret for this infidelity, you blamed the men 99% for taking advantage of her, and now she is back in contact with #1. Seriously?

Bye!!

Mxdad2003

It looks like im about to get started down this path
I am going to file next week
Accident (sacasm)1 guy i called him after he called her-interesting convo
He tells me shes not sick, not an alcoholic,he loves everybody and wont quit talking to her.
He also only dates white girls, been divorced twice has 3 kids is 10 years younger than her.
I get the feeling he is just telling her what she wants hear and shes too blind to see she is being played-this makes me sad
She the tells me she has feelings for him-oh boy
This guy has tons of girls all over him on face book
But im crazy because i logged into her account and caught her

So i told her i needed her to quit talking to him and give me full access to her phone and online accounts or she needed to leave-she refused and i cant tolerate that
She was suppose to take my daughter school shopping but my daughter refused to go with her so me and her went instead

We got home wife was gone
Took $1000 out of bank and some of her stuff
Wont say where she is but no motel on bank card-so im guessing Reginald put her up for the night-it doesnt matter at this point any way

I tried but im throwing in the towel

So what advice would you give for the divorce process in texas?
Dos and donts?

LexieCat

Well, you ARE going a little bit crazy. Stay off her FB and don't snoop on her. There are stalking laws, and however wronged you were, you can't be following her every move. She's made it pretty clear what she intends to do, so I'd take her word for it.

My first bit of advice (and only advice at this point) is to consult a lawyer. You need a parenting plan in place and also to know your rights in terms of protecting your home and your assets. If you have joint accounts she could clean those out. You need to get your finances separated, and if your child is with you she is responsible for child support.