Mxdad2003

I asked via text if i was wasting my time hoping for her to come home and got no response
Guess i will continue working on me
Oh well

CentralOhioDad

Personally, I wouldn't even ask that question - it almost sounds like begging, and A's love it when we beg for things, it gives them power.

Berrybean

I posted in response to the first page of this thread, then realised things have changed a bit since then, so am editing my post.

Please continue to work on your own recovery, and ensure that your own support network is strong.

Wishing you all the best for your recovery. BB

FeelingGreat

It's awful for you, but as hard as it is, it will change the dynamics between you and let you get some distance and perspective. Nothing hurts as bad as the first time.

It doesn't sound like your AW will gain anything because she's not ready for recovery.

firebolt

MXdad -

Just big, big hugs. My heart just breaks for you.

I kinda want to lock you in a closet and feed you raw meat and kick you in the shins for a couple of days to get you ANGRY. You just really really deserve to be angry, and have someone validate that anger....THEN it can turn to hurt, betrayal, all that.

It doesn't sound like you've received much validation from her on this, and maybe won't ever. So I just want to say....

She did a really really crappy thing - a couple times - like the ultimate crappy thing. And now, shes doing something completely inappropriate and reopening the wounds she already caused. You have a right to be hurt, angry, confused and feel entirely betrayed.

Any friend or family member that's worthy of a relationship of any kind with you should apologize - authentically apologize, and do (within reason) whatever it took to gain your trust back, and put you at ease that your feelings are once again in good hands.

I know that you want her to make this right, and it sounds like you'd take her back even if she isn't willing to make it right. She can't. She isn't capable of it right now. WE can see that you deserve better, and that you ARE better than that, even if you can't right now. PLease be so, so good to yourself. I'm glad you got to meetings. Get out and try to have FUN through all this.

It is your short, precious life, and even if you aren't living the one you have designed in your head, with all the players you planned on, you can rearrange and make it extraordinary - every single day. (((HUGS)))

dandylion

firebolt....is your Anger Training Facility located in a dark, damp, old castle...with a stretching board, also...?

firebolt

Hahaha - I had a soccer coach tell me this once.

He said, you can't seem to do much until you feel physical pain, THEN you're a maniac on the field. What, do i need to lock you in a closet and feed you raw meat and kick you in the shins before every game?!


He's so right...evidently i need to hurt to get motivated - case in point, 5 years with XABF hahaha.

Looks like I'm not alone in this...

Mxdad2003

Well
My fantasy went to he'll in a hand basket.lol
I found out she continued to talk to the first guy.when confronted she acted like I was in the wrong,blamed me for drinking,sleeping around etc etc.Oh well I honestly gave it my best shot.She has moved out and goy an apartment of her own.Made it 2 weeks out of rehab and is back too drinking.I haven't pulled the trigger on divorce but it's inevitable at this point.So after 25yrs at the age of 43 I guess I get to see what the dating world has in store-lol.But for the next 3 months I'm just going to be the best parent I know how with my daughter,keep up with Al anon and get straight with God. I wish her the best but it looks like we are better off on our own side of the road-and I'm ok with that
My life is so much more peaceful,I love the folks I have met at Al anon and church is great.Maybe this was God's way of telling me to move on.It still makes me sad that I can't fix her but I know I cant.I have peace though-not looking forward to filing for divorce -I am hoping we can come to a mutual agreement on our own but she refuses to even talk.
My daughter resents her but I have been sharing my Al anon literature and may have her coming with to my next meeting Thursday -we shall see.I want to thank everybody again for your support and advice-this forum has been most insightful

LexieCat

I'm sorry your wife has turned her back on her recovery (for now) and on you, but you sound like you're in a very good place, indeed. Keep doing what you're doing--things will work out.

Hugs,

Bekindalways

So very sorry this is how it turned out. Congrats for doing what you can in your own recovery.

Take super good care of yourself and let us know how you get on.

Mountainmanbob

Thought many years ago, that I couldn't live through my divorce.
After being single for a while God sent me a special Lady.

Hang tight for He has much good work to complete in you.

M-Bob

honeypig

And you know what? No rush to date. You may find it refreshing to get to know yourself and spend some just being you.

I'm sorry it worked out this way, but at least things are pretty clearcut and you seem at peace w/your decision.

Nata1980

Congrats on your recovery - it will get better!

And there is certainly no rush to date. I have been officially split from XAH since Valentine's Day (the irony), now officially divorced, and have absolutely no desire to date. I am using this "break" to heal my wounds, so nice things for myself, etc. Dating is overrated lol.