Mxdad2003

Plus the morning i found her passed out with guy at the bar-the local sheriff was there riunning his/her license
Strange he did not take her to jail though cause she was still pretty drunk

Bekindalways

Hey Mxdad this sounds so extraordinarily painful.

You do sound like you are doing what you can to learn and take care of yourself. Certainly more will be revealed with her rehab, your alanon attendance and any counseling you can get.

One somewhat wild thought: Did your wife have sustain some kind of head injury when she was hit? Her behavior seemed to change after that event.

StormiNormi

I am not taking sides with your AW. Just being the devils advocate.
Alcoholism is progressive. It doesn't just appear out of nowhere. It is also not the cause of emotional Havock, but a symptom. She has obviously been stifling something throughout her life that she cannot express
My guess is that there is a lot more going on below the surface.
Her indiscretion in the recent period is a cry for help; IMHO.
If you truly love her, stand by her. Support her recovery. It doesn't mean you have to stay with her...... just show her kindness.

Mxdad2003

I dont know-she refused to go to the dr.
But my Aunt was here the week after it happened and shes a recovering alcoholic so my wife out of respect normally doesnt drink (she comes once a year to stay with us)but this time she did
It may have just been her disease progressing but i wondered about a concussion as well as if she was raped or something
But after that she was way worse with drinking-not a gradule increase but a dramatic increase so i know something happened-maybe just the crap knocked out of her
I hope that the rehab place does a full medical exam on her and a drug test as well
If she tests positive for anything i would think that would be rape (not exactly sure of the law)
I have the guys number and know abt were he lives and would love to notify the cops

But odds are thats not the case and she just ****** up bad due to being drunk but it would be easier to forgive as ****** as that sounds

Mxdad2003

Until her trip she was a casual drunk-meaning she would sit home have a couple bottles of wine and pass out
It was annoying and my daughter and i resented it-but tolerated it
I intend to stand by her-i just have alot of anger about it-i am angry at her-at the men
But i will find piece in God but also know it will take time and have to work on keeping my anger in check or taking it out constructively(i am running out of stuff to clean but today i cleaned off the tread mill so gonna hop on it next
All the years of her telling my daughters not to ever do stuff like this and how men take advantage of women etc-one of her favorite shows is about crime and they talk about women being abducted raped and murdered all the time-she has always been super careful so i dont know WTH happened

I know my daughter is never going to drink after all this-maybe it was part of the plan

i guess i find some comfort in that these were strickly sex while drunk versus ongoing affair-but ongoing affair would have been easier to walk away from the whole marriage

StormiNormi

Sounds like she experienced some trauma. May have just been a trigger to unstable her emotionally.

StormiNormi

But there for the Grace of God go I. Forgive her as Our Lord forgives us.
She needs Grace, compassion and love. Show her God's heart

StormiNormi

I read a wonderful quote recently;
"Your sin is no greater than mine. "

alcoholics wife

Are you the wife? Lol

timetohealguy

Hi Mxdad,

There is a video you may want to watch in the thread 'Video: "Intoxicated Infidelity: An Intervention"'.

You can find the thread about that video here ...

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ervention.html

cairn

Sorry for your terrible anguish, must be rough. When i was carrousing the ex just considered me to be 'out on loan'.

Insatiable lusts for power, sex, money, prestige, domination, possession, control, dependence...boomerangs all...

StormiNormi

I am a wife, not the wife. 😱

Mxdad2003

Interesting
But had my wife been doing this before marriage i certainty wont have gone through with it
But she didnt start drinking until 2009 alone (i used to drink is well and was always with her)
She has had blackouts before but i was always there-it wasn't until recent after i started trying to control her drinking that she started going out and hiding it
In hind sight i should not have tried to control it-i know that now

AnvilheadII

mxdad, i really feel for you.....you've had so much just sort of explode on you in a short time. she has been drinking a long time, and alcoholism IS progressive. our attempts to control THEIR drinking usually, almost always, backfires. i hope as the days go by and the dust settles, you continue to gain clarity. there is no easy solution......and it all requires a lot of thought and reflection on your part, because each choice has its own set of actions.

please know, it was NEVER your job to manage HER drinking. or babysit her. or clean up after.

you didn't CAUSE this. you cannot CONTROL it and its not up to you to CURE it.

take care of you. take care of your girl. is she open to Ala-teen? or perhaps some family counseling?

Mxdad2003

We are going to a family conseler on thursdays
Im glad my wife went to rehab and has agreed to never drink again and its going to take a long time to forgive/rebuilt trust from what she did-but i would eventually.
I have told her that if she starts drinking again i will not tolerate it and will just divorce her because she has proven that she cant be trusted while drinking period
In the mean time in addition to conseling and al alnon i will continue to go to my mens group and pray to God to give me the strength to get through this

Mxdad2003

Yeah should have started al anon a long time ago-learned that controlling thing too late but
Definitely learned that the hard way but to be honest i had never even heard of it until 2 weeks ago

Now its time to get ready to take my daughter to see Blink 182

AnvilheadII

rock on daddio!!!

alcoholics wife

Mxdad,

It's good that you are taking steps to heal yourself through counselling and group support. It's good that she is in rehab. Please don't put all your hope into her promise of not drinking ever again as an alcoholic couldn't even promise that to themselves. You don't want to set yourself up to the inevitable hurt of finding out that one day she had a drink or relapses. Expectations of what another person ought to do and hanging onto those expectations is silly as you can not control the actions and thoughts of another. What you can control is yourself and your own life. Focusing on you is important, setting up your boundaries are important, acting on crossed boundaries that you have set up for yourself is important.

dandylion

^^^^^^I second this!.....

dandylion

Mxdad2003

Well the blackout drunk sex with random men card has been played
I am sure there will be relapses etc but her drinking habits of the last 2 years (everyday drinking) will not be tolerated as she now knows where that gets her.
If she starts I will just calmly get me things and leave-i am not sticking around to watch the **** show next time
Her parents have even said they would still love me and wouldnt blame me for leaving -they know this not my fault and did everything humanly possible to save my marriage