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Holding firm to boundaries is HARD

Old 04-18-2016, 10:19 AM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by dandylion View Post
WTH.......I have to agree with the others who say that he will eventually hang himself with his o wn rope...

I am reminded of honeypig's favorite saying, in this regard....(she did steal it from me).....
"The sun don't shine on one dog's ass forever"

dandylion
I think things are coming apart more and more at the seams for him so he is acting out as he always does.

I just am struggling with seeing how far he's willing to take his venom in terms of hurting the girls.
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Old 04-18-2016, 10:27 AM
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with absolutely zero legal knowledge or experience, i would think you have enough evidence to get a temporary hold on visitation. he is abandoning children at events, not allowing them to participate in their sports, AND withholding FOOD.

dude is an utter psycho. as is his mother. they frighten me.
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Old 04-18-2016, 10:36 AM
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^ yep. WTBH-you know I have traveled this road with psycho ex and psycho enabling Xinlaws-I think your court needs to hear from you everything these people have done to their own kids and grand kids. There should be no visitation.
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Old 04-18-2016, 10:39 AM
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I emailed my lawyer with the timeline of the last month.

I asked her to reply asap with next steps and what I can do to protect the kids.

I am at my wits end.

I suppose I could have let him threaten to leave them alone and called the police to see if they were in fact alone there, but I suspect it was a way to bait me to get me to come and check on them....
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Old 04-18-2016, 10:40 AM
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WTBH,

ummmm, I agree with everyone here. I did think he was going to go the parental alienation route, he made several references to that in the past. Thing is, he could get one of those dam attorneys that live for this kind of stuff.

For your own protection, have this reported to CPS and back it up with the troopers statement.

Also, yes again. Have the therapist ask your daughter about the withholding of food, then get the GAL.

I'm really sorry that you and your daughters are going through this.

(((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))
amy

PS - Also agree with the recording phone calls
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Old 04-18-2016, 10:45 AM
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Remember here you gave him 3 tickets to the magic show, now, just in case he wants to say that there were only 2 tickets, he very easily could have purchased another ticket for himself. You were able to get another ticket !!!!

amy
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Old 04-18-2016, 10:51 AM
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Ironically while HE is and has alleged for the last 2 years that I am alienating the kids from him it is HE who tries to do that to them with me...

But my state is HUGE with "father's rights" and he has milked that for all it is worth.

And yes, he had the 3rd ticket, and even if he did not, he could have gone in with the kids-- he did not want to be at the event-- he used to work in the district, he humiliated himself by getting fired and he wanted no part of being there.

But rather than say that and ask me to keep the kids, he threatened to abandon them there and scared them.
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Old 04-18-2016, 10:56 AM
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Parental Alienation is also about one parent trying to turn the children against the other parent. That is what he is doing with saying that you are crazy, talking about your mother and how you are just like her. It's about telling them to run away from home.

That's why I am telling you to document this since it is still so fresh in the troopers mind.

amy
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Old 04-18-2016, 11:25 AM
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^ agreed with all of that. My ex has attempted to bad mouth me and slander me to his own daughter (when the truth is he is a neglectful abusuve father that won't do anything the courts expect of him). My ex multiple times has slandered me and blamed me to his oldest for anything. I don't expect him to blame himself or his enablers as he is mentally ill but I have not attempted to alienate him-I've protected my children....there is a WORLD of difference. WTBH, you are protecting your kids from an evil (truly) person...that will hurt them on purpose and think it's ok.
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Old 04-18-2016, 04:18 PM
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Just sending you lots of hugs. I've been thinking of you and praying for you today.
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Old 04-18-2016, 07:38 PM
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He's such an a$$wipe.

keep on trucking' WTBH, he is doing himself in.

Let him!
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Old 04-18-2016, 07:48 PM
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This whole thing reminds me of what my pastor told me-"you got out of the crab trap-they will not like you escaping and telling the truth and will try their best to tear your limbs off. Keep climbing out and away from them ". We are so much stronger than they will ever be-stronger. It IS SO TRUE. If you can think of these things metaphorically, like Red states-the whole give him a rope and he will either climb it or hang himself-it helps to process and get a higher level view of the situation. I know none of this helps when your children are hurt and used like pawns by their "father ", but I hope it helps bring some peace and reason to the situation.

I can't recall your religious affiliations but I did a Bible study last year that helped me a lot during a particularly scary season. "Stronger" by Angela Thomas. Check it out on amazon. Great help for you and your kiddos in these times.
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Old 04-19-2016, 08:25 AM
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Wow! What a lowlife! Congrats to you for having the strength to endure such horrific manipulation.

Stay strong and please don't stoop to his level of unfeeling, non-human behavior.

Let the courts and police and possibly a personal bodyguard deal with this animal. Try to beat him using his rules, and you will look worse than he does.
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Old 04-19-2016, 09:05 AM
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I was away for a couple of days--none of this surprises me in the least. I think you are handling it all perfectly.

If I were you, I'd stop that mantra about how strong your state is with "father's rights"--that may be so, but only up to a point. All of this is substantiating his unfitness. It's unfortunate the girls are caught in the crossfire, but as upsetting as this stuff is, if it doesn't persist indefinitely it's unlikely (in and of itself) to leave permanent scars.

Keep reporting and documenting. I'd also suggest calling your local prosecutor's office and asking to meet with a prosecutor in their family violence/DV unit. If this hasn't crossed the line into stalking, I think it's getting very very close. His behavior (especially given the history of physical violence) is something that would put you in reasonable fear of your safety and the children's safety.

You can't go completely by what the police tell you. They may have some training re stalking, but it's probably fairly superficial. Cops are often reluctant to file complaints they fear can't be substantiated or that don't quite meet the statutory definition. The prosecutor will be much more conversant with the standard and the evidentiary requirements to meet it.

I'd suggest organizing a chronology of ALL of the history (including the parking lot incident and similar physical incidents--however long ago they were and regardless of whether the police were called or did anything. You have numerous documented incidents at this point, and a credible third-party witness (the Trooper).

Get yourself organized and calmed down and see if you can make that appointment to meet with the prosecutor (and if you can, see if an advocate can be present). Lay it all out. And if the prosecutor still thinks there isn't QUITE enough, ask what else needs to happen (not in a confrontational way).

I have a feeling they will be moved to try to help you. It's very important that you present as calmly and rationally as you have been, lately. I think you're doing great in terms of your response.

Hugs,
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Old 04-19-2016, 07:42 PM
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I called the victim advocate at the Prosecutor's office today.

I dropped the Troopers name, I described the behavior that I felt best displayed the stalking behavior in the last 2 weeks, I expressed concern for my kids safety.

I asked if I could see one of the City Prosecutors and explained that I have been to the police in the last few weeks and that they have not felt this rose to a criminal act (yet).

The victim advocate told me the Prosecutor pursues charges after police determine a crime has likely been committed. There has to be an arrest. Or there has to be a bail violation. And he is not on bail. So he has to be arrested for Prosecutor involvement.

Even when he had pending criminal charges a year ago, the Prosecutor told me that the Police had to determine if a bail violation occurred.

I feel beaten down.

I am not caving to him at all but I feel like this city won't help until he does something life changing and devastating.

I got more support from the State Trooper and cop from the town I work in than I do from my home town cops/Prosecutors office...

I'm fed the F up.
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Old 04-19-2016, 07:44 PM
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I need to add to the long chronology I have already and think about what I can do next.

My attorney is away for the next week.

So I got an out of office reply and won't hear back from her I guess...

Just fed up...
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Old 04-19-2016, 08:42 PM
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Courage, healing, and strength to you WTBH!! This has got to be so darn hard!
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Old 04-20-2016, 04:47 AM
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I'd still call and ask to MEET with a prosecutor. The prosecutor DOES have the power to (a) file charges themselves or (b) direct the police to do so. The advocate isn't a lawyer. She is probably speaking of what she knows to be the general practice. When I was a prosecutor we routinely corrected errors made by the police in not charging or undercharging.

At this point, it's the ADVOCATE who has told you "no," not the prosecutor. Even if the advocate works for the prosecutor's office, she doesn't make the decisions FOR the prosecutor. I'd call the prosecutor's office directly and make an appointment.
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Old 04-20-2016, 05:09 AM
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I think Lexie is right--I think if they hear directly from you,
see you timeline, you may get different results.
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Old 04-20-2016, 07:36 AM
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Another one here saying, listen to Lexie. She was a former prosecutor.

It could be that his behavior has been more aggressive recently (even though I would have to say that his behavior has always been egregious), because of the child support that he owes.

You did take some action against him, so I feel he might be trying to scare you so that you won't pursue it again.

How is that garnishment going for the child support and the arrears? When these amounts are garnished that can usually withhold about 50% of his net paycheck.

I would not back down from him at all.

I know this is tough, and many (((((hugs)))))

amy
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