This whole thing reminds me of what my pastor told me-"you got out of the crab trap-they will not like you escaping and telling the truth and will try their best to tear your limbs off. Keep climbing out and away from them ". We are so much stronger than they will ever be-stronger. It IS SO TRUE. If you can think of these things metaphorically, like Red states-the whole give him a rope and he will either climb it or hang himself-it helps to process and get a higher level view of the situation. I know none of this helps when your children are hurt and used like pawns by their "father ", but I hope it helps bring some peace and reason to the situation.
I can't recall your religious affiliations but I did a Bible study last year that helped me a lot during a particularly scary season. "Stronger" by Angela Thomas. Check it out on amazon. Great help for you and your kiddos in these times.