My Addict niece DIED last night.....
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Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Texas
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Great advice above, Blue. Her choices are hers-not yours. Nothing you DO or SAY will cause her to do or not do sonething. You deserve a peaceful life and should continue with her moving out. She deserves the truth. Not sugar coated, but the truth that addiction took another soul. Maybe this will serve as a wake up call to her. I don't know. I'm just very sorry for your loss and sending you prayers tonight.
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Join Date: Jun 2015
Posts: 220
It's been a rough day.So sad.
My AD is heartbroken and we talked about her problems as well as her cousins.
She admitted again that she needs help but does not want to go to a one year program.
She says it's too long and she doesn't think she needs it.
She did say however that she would go for an appointment to talk with them and hear thir advice that they may have an idea.She wants me to go.
She did say it would not be a good idea for her to be alone at this time and could she please stay.
I said I can't do that it's not healthy for you to be here for yourself or mine.
I was going to see her/my doctor after ...I had the appt. since a week ago.
Everything in me screamed tell her she's getting benzo s from two Drs.
She's doing coke drinking etc.
On her prescription and non prescription drugs.
I was shaking literally as the last time I went to say she had an eating disorder she told her.
I thought she says she wants to go for help I'll ask her if she wants to go see the Dr with me not letting on I had an appointment.
She denied that said absolutely not..and I realized yup she's manipulating me again.
Doesn't want to go to Dr and take the chance her Meds will be cut off.
Well I told Dr everything...brought her printout of application when she applied for treatment and confessed on there all she was taking.
The Dr was furious/ hurt said she had a contract with her.
She was never to drink or get a prescription from another Dr.
She called her and said she has to come in on Wednesday.
Now all hell is going to fly as she is cutting off all her Meds and request she get into treatment ASAP.
The Dr said she is such a good liar she should have been a lawyer.
She is totally flabbergasted.
This will be across the pharmacy s and supposedly will not be able to get from another Dr or emergency room.
She will be flagged.
I bet by Wednesday she will have convinced her that Iam crazy .
Iam so scared she is going to go ballistic.
Please pray she will agree to go for treatment.
My AD is heartbroken and we talked about her problems as well as her cousins.
She admitted again that she needs help but does not want to go to a one year program.
She says it's too long and she doesn't think she needs it.
She did say however that she would go for an appointment to talk with them and hear thir advice that they may have an idea.She wants me to go.
She did say it would not be a good idea for her to be alone at this time and could she please stay.
I said I can't do that it's not healthy for you to be here for yourself or mine.
I was going to see her/my doctor after ...I had the appt. since a week ago.
Everything in me screamed tell her she's getting benzo s from two Drs.
She's doing coke drinking etc.
On her prescription and non prescription drugs.
I was shaking literally as the last time I went to say she had an eating disorder she told her.
I thought she says she wants to go for help I'll ask her if she wants to go see the Dr with me not letting on I had an appointment.
She denied that said absolutely not..and I realized yup she's manipulating me again.
Doesn't want to go to Dr and take the chance her Meds will be cut off.
Well I told Dr everything...brought her printout of application when she applied for treatment and confessed on there all she was taking.
The Dr was furious/ hurt said she had a contract with her.
She was never to drink or get a prescription from another Dr.
She called her and said she has to come in on Wednesday.
Now all hell is going to fly as she is cutting off all her Meds and request she get into treatment ASAP.
The Dr said she is such a good liar she should have been a lawyer.
She is totally flabbergasted.
This will be across the pharmacy s and supposedly will not be able to get from another Dr or emergency room.
She will be flagged.
I bet by Wednesday she will have convinced her that Iam crazy .
Iam so scared she is going to go ballistic.
Please pray she will agree to go for treatment.
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
Blue.....you are still soo entangled in this....trying to control the situation and still being held hostage by her threatened or potential behavior......
You have set a boundary that you are responsible for enforcing......regardless of how much she acts out. She may or may not go into a treatment program....that is up to her (since you have no means of forcing her)......she may get treatment down the line....that will be more likely to happen when you step away from the situation......you are a major instrument of her manipulations.....
(also known as enabling)....
More than ever, you need more of a support system.....
dandylion
You have set a boundary that you are responsible for enforcing......regardless of how much she acts out. She may or may not go into a treatment program....that is up to her (since you have no means of forcing her)......she may get treatment down the line....that will be more likely to happen when you step away from the situation......you are a major instrument of her manipulations.....
(also known as enabling)....
More than ever, you need more of a support system.....
dandylion
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Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 2,393
Originally Posted by Bluehawaii 
Iam so scared she is going to go ballistic.
Please pray she will agree to go for treatment.
Please pray she will agree to go for treatment.
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Join Date: Jun 2015
Posts: 220
[QUOTE=dandylion;5749290]Blue.....you are still soo entangled in this....trying to control the situation and still being held hostage by her threatened or potential behavior......
You have set a boundary that you are responsible for enforcing......regardless of how much she acts out. She may or may not go into a treatment program....that is up to her (since you have no means of forcing her)......she may get treatment down the line....that will be more likely to happen when you step away from the situation......you are a major instrument of her manipulations.....
(also known as enabling)....
We all do what we can live with.
Her Dr had a right to know.i had pertinent information and I needed to tell her.
That being said I know she can get it elsewhere I'm not blind but this is something I could not forgive myself for if she had died from.
I cannot do anything about the other stuff but I can do this.
My niece just died from prescription medications!
This started with her for years. Why wait till it gets to where they are not coherent.
For the record the Dr said I did the right thing in telling her.
You have set a boundary that you are responsible for enforcing......regardless of how much she acts out. She may or may not go into a treatment program....that is up to her (since you have no means of forcing her)......she may get treatment down the line....that will be more likely to happen when you step away from the situation......you are a major instrument of her manipulations.....
(also known as enabling)....
We all do what we can live with.
Her Dr had a right to know.i had pertinent information and I needed to tell her.
That being said I know she can get it elsewhere I'm not blind but this is something I could not forgive myself for if she had died from.
I cannot do anything about the other stuff but I can do this.
My niece just died from prescription medications!
This started with her for years. Why wait till it gets to where they are not coherent.
For the record the Dr said I did the right thing in telling her.
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
Blue.....I was not taking about THAT!!!!!
I was referring to the last part of y our p ost where you say that you are rearful that she may go ballistic...and refuse to go to therapy, also.....
I am emphasizing the need for you to enforce your boundaries with her and not cave to her manipulations and threats......
BLUE.....I AM NOT TRYING TO "FIGHT" WITH YOU OR AGAINST YOU.....QUITE THE OPPOSITE!
I AM TRYING TO H ELP YOU.
I think I have said many times that I went through absolute hell with my son, at one time. I learned a lot...and, I have the "scars" to show for it.....
That is one reason that I have so much empathy for o ther mothers who are going through such difficult times...that is one reason that I try (as much as I can) to help......
dandylion
I was referring to the last part of y our p ost where you say that you are rearful that she may go ballistic...and refuse to go to therapy, also.....
I am emphasizing the need for you to enforce your boundaries with her and not cave to her manipulations and threats......
BLUE.....I AM NOT TRYING TO "FIGHT" WITH YOU OR AGAINST YOU.....QUITE THE OPPOSITE!
I AM TRYING TO H ELP YOU.
I think I have said many times that I went through absolute hell with my son, at one time. I learned a lot...and, I have the "scars" to show for it.....
That is one reason that I have so much empathy for o ther mothers who are going through such difficult times...that is one reason that I try (as much as I can) to help......
dandylion
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Posts: 220
Originally Posted by Refiner
You may have just saved her life by doing that. I totally applaud you. Steel yourself for her barrage - you did the RIGHT thing!
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Join Date: Jun 2015
Posts: 220
Originally Posted by dandylion
Blue.....I was not taking about THAT!!!!!
I was referring to the last part of y our p ost where you say that you are rearful that she may go ballistic...and refuse to go to therapy, also.....
I am emphasizing the need for you to enforce your boundaries with her and not cave to her manipulations and threats......
BLUE.....I AM NOT TRYING TO "FIGHT" WITH YOU OR AGAINST YOU.....QUITE THE OPPOSITE!
I AM TRYING TO H ELP YOU.
I think I have said many times that I went through absolute hell with my son, at one time. I learned a lot...and, I have the "scars" to show for it.....
That is one reason that I have so much empathy for o ther mothers who are going through such difficult times...that is one reason that I try (as much as I can) to help...
I was referring to the last part of y our p ost where you say that you are rearful that she may go ballistic...and refuse to go to therapy, also.....
I am emphasizing the need for you to enforce your boundaries with her and not cave to her manipulations and threats......
BLUE.....I AM NOT TRYING TO "FIGHT" WITH YOU OR AGAINST YOU.....QUITE THE OPPOSITE!
I AM TRYING TO H ELP YOU.
I think I have said many times that I went through absolute hell with my son, at one time. I learned a lot...and, I have the "scars" to show for it.....
That is one reason that I have so much empathy for o ther mothers who are going through such difficult times...that is one reason that I try (as much as I can) to help...
Oh boy I'm sorry I took that I was trying to be controlling by going to her Dr
I am sure you said in past post that was not a good idea.
I could have mistaken you for someone else.
I know you are being very helpful and I appreciate all comments!!! You have no idea how much.
I take from them what I can do...I'm doing the best I can do for me at this time..
Last edited by DesertEyes; 01-19-2016 at 10:50 AM. Reason: Fixed broken quote
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Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Western US
Posts: 9,009
Wow Bluehawaii, this is tough stuff. Good for you for sticking to your boundary of not letting her move in. I want to think that by setting boundaries and taking care of ourselves we make as much of a change for good in the world as an addict who gets sober.
Let us know how it goes. Many prayers for you!!!
Let us know how it goes. Many prayers for you!!!
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Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
"I bet by Wednesday she will have convinced her that Iam crazy ."
yer daughter can do whatever she dam well pleases to try and convince the doctor youre crazy.
but it reads like your doctor is intelligent enough to be concerned about the patient at hand and her own ass. big trouble can happen to doctors giving out prescriptions other doctors have prescribed.
yer daughter can do whatever she dam well pleases to try and convince the doctor youre crazy.
but it reads like your doctor is intelligent enough to be concerned about the patient at hand and her own ass. big trouble can happen to doctors giving out prescriptions other doctors have prescribed.
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Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: America
Posts: 4,136
Blue-So sorry you are going through this. It's pretty evident to me you are sick with worry and some of that worry is about things that haven't happened...yet...that may or may NOT happen. You are worried your daughter will convince her Dr. you are crazy....you are worried how your daughter will REACT, etc.
I know what it's like to be a parent and there is NO ONE like your children that your heart, mind, soul is tied to...that is part of what is so dang complicated about these relationships when things go haywire and you still LOVE them but can only do so much for them. It's heartwrenching. It's good news and bad news in a way that she is an adult and you are not LEGALLY responsible for her...that's good news. Bad news is when you wonder and worry about possible things that COULD HAPPEN and her REACTION to finding out stuff, etc....
You've got to learn to TRUST Dr.'s and professionals that are involved...they have a license to protect and likely aren't going to do anything stupid. These days it's more difficult than ever for addicts to take advantage of Dr.'s because their prescription history is likely in computer records and the DEA is cracking down more than ever now...
It doesn't always go smooth and that's how the cookie crumbles sometimes...breaking bad news to her is going to go how it goes...Life is all about dealing with EVERYTHING that happens, both good and bad, smooth and rough. Addicts often turn to substances to "smooth out" the rough spots rather than with life on life's terms. And, the co-dependents and enablers also try to "smooth out" the rough spots for their addicts.
You will drive yourself crazy with this excessive worry. You've got to find a way to let go of her to an extent, separate yourself from all the potential fall-out...for your own good...
I know what it's like to be a parent and there is NO ONE like your children that your heart, mind, soul is tied to...that is part of what is so dang complicated about these relationships when things go haywire and you still LOVE them but can only do so much for them. It's heartwrenching. It's good news and bad news in a way that she is an adult and you are not LEGALLY responsible for her...that's good news. Bad news is when you wonder and worry about possible things that COULD HAPPEN and her REACTION to finding out stuff, etc....
You've got to learn to TRUST Dr.'s and professionals that are involved...they have a license to protect and likely aren't going to do anything stupid. These days it's more difficult than ever for addicts to take advantage of Dr.'s because their prescription history is likely in computer records and the DEA is cracking down more than ever now...
It doesn't always go smooth and that's how the cookie crumbles sometimes...breaking bad news to her is going to go how it goes...Life is all about dealing with EVERYTHING that happens, both good and bad, smooth and rough. Addicts often turn to substances to "smooth out" the rough spots rather than with life on life's terms. And, the co-dependents and enablers also try to "smooth out" the rough spots for their addicts.
You will drive yourself crazy with this excessive worry. You've got to find a way to let go of her to an extent, separate yourself from all the potential fall-out...for your own good...
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Join Date: Jun 2015
Posts: 220
We are just reeling with the death of my niece and anticipation of AD s Dr visit tomorrow.
We have not looked at another apartment.
Everyone is just way too upset and we barely all got through work today.
We will see what tomorrow will bring.
She is not being abusive at this point and is not going out since Christmas Eve.
...wants to meet with the rehab people to discuss things and I guess how the Dr appointment goes will be a true indicater of how serious she is with getting help.
We have not looked at another apartment.
Everyone is just way too upset and we barely all got through work today.
We will see what tomorrow will bring.
She is not being abusive at this point and is not going out since Christmas Eve.
...wants to meet with the rehab people to discuss things and I guess how the Dr appointment goes will be a true indicater of how serious she is with getting help.
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Originally Posted by teatreeoil007
Blue-So sorry you are going through this. It's pretty evident to me you are sick with worry and some of that worry is about things that haven't happened...yet...that may or may NOT happen. You are worried your daughter will convince her Dr. you are crazy....you are worried how your daughter will REACT, etc.
I know what it's like to be a parent and there is NO ONE like your children that your heart, mind, soul is tied to...that is part of what is so dang complicated about these relationships when things go haywire and you still LOVE them but can only do so much for them. It's heartwrenching. It's good news and bad news in a way that she is an adult and you are not LEGALLY responsible for her...that's good news. Bad news is when you wonder and worry about possible things that COULD HAPPEN and her REACTION to finding out stuff, etc....
You've got to learn to TRUST Dr.'s and professionals that are involved...they have a license to protect and likely aren't going to do anything stupid. These days it's more difficult than ever for addicts to take advantage of Dr.'s because their prescription history is likely in computer records and the DEA is cracking down more than ever now...
It doesn't always go smooth and that's how the cookie crumbles sometimes...breaking bad news to her is going to go how it goes...Life is all about dealing with EVERYTHING that happens, both good and bad, smooth and rough. Addicts often turn to substances to "smooth out" the rough spots rather than with life on life's terms. And, the co-dependents and enablers also try to "smooth out" the rough spots for their addicts.
You will drive yourself crazy with this excessive worry. You've got to find a way to let go of her to an extent, separate yourself from all the potential fall-out...for your own good...
I know what it's like to be a parent and there is NO ONE like your children that your heart, mind, soul is tied to...that is part of what is so dang complicated about these relationships when things go haywire and you still LOVE them but can only do so much for them. It's heartwrenching. It's good news and bad news in a way that she is an adult and you are not LEGALLY responsible for her...that's good news. Bad news is when you wonder and worry about possible things that COULD HAPPEN and her REACTION to finding out stuff, etc....
You've got to learn to TRUST Dr.'s and professionals that are involved...they have a license to protect and likely aren't going to do anything stupid. These days it's more difficult than ever for addicts to take advantage of Dr.'s because their prescription history is likely in computer records and the DEA is cracking down more than ever now...
It doesn't always go smooth and that's how the cookie crumbles sometimes...breaking bad news to her is going to go how it goes...Life is all about dealing with EVERYTHING that happens, both good and bad, smooth and rough. Addicts often turn to substances to "smooth out" the rough spots rather than with life on life's terms. And, the co-dependents and enablers also try to "smooth out" the rough spots for their addicts.
You will drive yourself crazy with this excessive worry. You've got to find a way to let go of her to an extent, separate yourself from all the potential fall-out...for your own good...
We have really bad healthcare here.
The system is really not working.
Suicide seams to be on the news constantly as the Drs release them to soon.
Its a concern.
I know I have to stop worrying...it's not good.
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Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: America
Posts: 4,136
Thx for updating us Blue-
Of course you are reeling...of course you worry...I don't think I ever worried MORE in my life than when my kids first started going to college and I knew (because I had partied there myself a time or two) what temptations and peer pressure were in store...the day I helped my son move into the dorm his freshman year was SURREAL...I think that is how my MIND made it out to be as a way of saying: "This is not really happening, is it?"[complete with the fears I had for my child's future..]
Maybe the healthcare system isn't that good there, Blue. But the reality is that even the healthcare people cannot stop all suicides, nor can one ever FULLY know when someone is SAFE from taking their own life, unless they are on 24/7 suicide watch by someone capable of intervening.
Hopefully, her Dr. will take into consideration your daughters condition and realize she is giving her perception of how things are...if the Dr. thinks you're crazy, let 'em. That doesn't change the truth as you know in your heart it is...hugs..
Of course you are reeling...of course you worry...I don't think I ever worried MORE in my life than when my kids first started going to college and I knew (because I had partied there myself a time or two) what temptations and peer pressure were in store...the day I helped my son move into the dorm his freshman year was SURREAL...I think that is how my MIND made it out to be as a way of saying: "This is not really happening, is it?"[complete with the fears I had for my child's future..]
Maybe the healthcare system isn't that good there, Blue. But the reality is that even the healthcare people cannot stop all suicides, nor can one ever FULLY know when someone is SAFE from taking their own life, unless they are on 24/7 suicide watch by someone capable of intervening.
Hopefully, her Dr. will take into consideration your daughters condition and realize she is giving her perception of how things are...if the Dr. thinks you're crazy, let 'em. That doesn't change the truth as you know in your heart it is...hugs..
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Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
Oh Blue, I am just so sorry for your loss, and for the anxiety you are under.
YOU DID THE RIGHT THING IN MYOPINION. Don't question yourself in the decision to tell her doctor, you likely took a step to help save her life.
My heart is with you friend.
YOU DID THE RIGHT THING IN MYOPINION. Don't question yourself in the decision to tell her doctor, you likely took a step to help save her life.
My heart is with you friend.
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Join Date: Jun 2015
Posts: 220
Thank you all so much for your help and condolences.
My AD came home very upset but more so at the Dr .
She said she was telling her she can get her fired with one phone call and she was distraught because she said she would never steal from her clients.
She said she told her I told her she was stealing drugs from them in which I never said I said she could have the opportunity too...if it got bad enough but she loves her job and her clients so can't see her doing that but was a concern .
She was also very hurt when thr Dr said she could drop us both as patients.
i think she was actually trying to upset the apple cart so we both left.
The DR also told her she talked with her lawyer. Why?
she told me no pschyatrist available in wpg and now she's hooking her up.
DR told me AD signed a contract not to get drugs anywhere else and
AD said she had not signed one but she wants her to immediately.
and told her I said to her this is all your fault ( Dr) something I would never say to a Dr .never i was advocating with her to get help for my AD not blaming or threatening her!
In the end really Dr was acting really scared and unusual when I told her things almost panicky.
Like she did something wrong and was in trouble even showed me AD records !!! Something you never do ( breach) showing me she sent her for evaluation for ADD..which seemed odd.
.so I think this scared her giving her ADHD meds without proper assessment.
She told me she changed AD antidepressants because AD said she was trying this drug from a friend and liked it..I thought that was odd as AD hasn't seen friends since before Christmas .I said do you usually let my AD try any drugs she researches on the internet? Or supposedly try's from friends?Everything AD ever got from her was suggested by my AD a whole host of different meds ( the new antidepressants brought on AD unusual violent behaviour claimed AD.) she's been calm since she went off and back on regular ones.
She also kept telling me if AD gets upset when she comes home call her to call police...I thought that was odd as I can call them myself.she said this several times.
I am heartbroken you think Dr would want to help not do this.
Daughter cried On and off all night.
She is so upset.
What the hell is going on? She said she would go see DR with me to discuss this further.
AD wants to sue and see a lawyer...
She also said she gave her two months of benzo at a time.
She still says she wants to go to see the treatment center...
She's communicating and saying cousins death is eye opening and life changing for her.
all I know is this is it I tried my best take it or leave it...
I have done all I can humanly do...
My AD came home very upset but more so at the Dr .
She said she was telling her she can get her fired with one phone call and she was distraught because she said she would never steal from her clients.
She said she told her I told her she was stealing drugs from them in which I never said I said she could have the opportunity too...if it got bad enough but she loves her job and her clients so can't see her doing that but was a concern .
She was also very hurt when thr Dr said she could drop us both as patients.
i think she was actually trying to upset the apple cart so we both left.
The DR also told her she talked with her lawyer. Why?
she told me no pschyatrist available in wpg and now she's hooking her up.
DR told me AD signed a contract not to get drugs anywhere else and
AD said she had not signed one but she wants her to immediately.
and told her I said to her this is all your fault ( Dr) something I would never say to a Dr .never i was advocating with her to get help for my AD not blaming or threatening her!
In the end really Dr was acting really scared and unusual when I told her things almost panicky.
Like she did something wrong and was in trouble even showed me AD records !!! Something you never do ( breach) showing me she sent her for evaluation for ADD..which seemed odd.
.so I think this scared her giving her ADHD meds without proper assessment.
She told me she changed AD antidepressants because AD said she was trying this drug from a friend and liked it..I thought that was odd as AD hasn't seen friends since before Christmas .I said do you usually let my AD try any drugs she researches on the internet? Or supposedly try's from friends?Everything AD ever got from her was suggested by my AD a whole host of different meds ( the new antidepressants brought on AD unusual violent behaviour claimed AD.) she's been calm since she went off and back on regular ones.
She also kept telling me if AD gets upset when she comes home call her to call police...I thought that was odd as I can call them myself.she said this several times.
I am heartbroken you think Dr would want to help not do this.
Daughter cried On and off all night.
She is so upset.
What the hell is going on? She said she would go see DR with me to discuss this further.
AD wants to sue and see a lawyer...
She also said she gave her two months of benzo at a time.
She still says she wants to go to see the treatment center...
She's communicating and saying cousins death is eye opening and life changing for her.
all I know is this is it I tried my best take it or leave it...
I have done all I can humanly do...
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