CarryThatWeight

Is there anyway you can speak to his doctor? The doctor can speak with you with the patient's permission. Then you could ask your direct questions: is it possible for him to completely recover, what will be the course of events if he continues to drink, what symptoms do you need to look out for, etc. There may not be answers to some of these, as it truly is always in God's hands. It might make you feel better to have some actual facts, like a diagnosis, and hopefully speak to a doctor that can explain what is happening in his body. Does he have a primary care doctor that is taking care of him since he was discharged?

I like facts and statistics and explanations. That's just me. Take what you like and leave the rest :-)

CarryThatWeight

Just to add: All the information you may be able to obtain on his disease and treatment is just that: information. Knowledge. You still have NO control over what he does or if he recovers. It would be similar to going to open AA meetings to learn about alcoholism. It helps you understand it, but you still can't control it or do anything about it. Sounds like you may just want to gather more information about cirrhosis, or whatever condition he's been diagnosed with.

atalose

I agree, anything is possible and if the doctors were saying he could recover then he will IF THAT IS WHAT YOUR FRIEND CHOOSES.

I think preparing yourself for the possibility that once this crises passes there's a chance your friend might return to drinking. And accept that if your friend does make that choice, it has nothing at all to do with you or about you or anything you may or may not do.

Educate yourself as much as you can regarding alcohism, typical alcoholic behaviors. It helps to have a general understanding, makes it less personal and also gives insight on ways we enable them without even knowing that is what we re doing.

marisa2

Atalose, speaking of typical alcoholic behaviors, what are they? And how do we enable without realizing we are doing it?

atalose

Some behaviors that I have witnessed as well as heard others share…………

Lying
Manipulating
They act impulsively
Periods of depression
Antisocial behavior
Attention seeking
Low self-esteem
Low confidence
Rebellious behavior
Defensiveness
Anxiety
They lack patience
They want instant gratification
They are secretive and tend to hide the extent of their addiction
Financial problems
Criminality
Work problems
Lack of personal hygiene
They disappear with no regard to those that may worry about them
Mood swings
Depression
Suicidal thoughts

Just to name a few…………….

Enabling is doing for someone things that they could and should be doing for themselves. We tend to baby them, we tend to cushion their fall instead of allowing them to suffer the consequences of their own actions. We often confuse helping which then turns into enabling them.

NYCDoglvr

In terms of his recovery, there is nothing anyone can do or say to get someone sober or to stay sober. He's healing and it's a process. But I recommend Alanon for you because it saved my sanity when I could do nothing but obsess about an alcoholic. A big hug.

marisa2

Thanks everyone for your responses. My first concern was his health and recovery, but I have another question about what to expect from his withdraw from the alcohol. In the hospital, they put him through detox (5 days). Now he's on meds to keep him from drinking and to help with the withdraw (seems to make him drowsy and slow).

What can I expect to happen to his moods, personality, ect.. From this point on. Right now he just feels bad and is healing, but after no alcohol, I hear the term dry drunk, where I've heard it can be worse than some effects of the drink.

He's been my best friend. We talked everyday. Could these changes change his personality? I just don't what to expect. Thanks

SparkleKitty

Withdrawal is not predictable.

The term "dry drunk" is not a medical term, but used to describe an addict who has stopped using their DOC (drug of choice) but made no other effort to change their behaviors or ways of thinking and acting. Basically, no longer drinking, but behaving the same. No one can say how or whether this term will apply to your friend. My mother stopped drinking many years ago, but literally nothing else about her has changed. She is still distant, angry, and addicted to stirring up drama and being viewed as a victim. I feel very sorry for the challenges she has had in her life, but until she chooses to face those challenges and deal with them, it is not healthy for me to have her in my life.

I'm sorry but no one can tell you what to expect. A lot of addicts use substances to avoid dealing with pain. When they give up that panacea, all of the pain they have avoided dealing with is still there. It can be overwhelming. You may see a very different person, one you do not recognize, and this may be the Real Him.

But that's getting a little ahead of the game. Detox is not recovery. Detox is just detox. It's a medical process to ease withdrawal. It does not cure him or make him any more likely to tackle a recovery plan.

Keep your expectations low and reasonable. If he does stay off the alcohol, he will be facing life on life's terms for the first time. And it will be extremely important that he is allowed to do so, without anyone cushioning the consequences of his past behavior. I hope you keep coming back. Sending you strength and patience.

LexieCat

My second husband almost died of liver failure, but when he'd recovered enough for them to do a biopsy, he had EARLY cirrhosis and would live a normal life if he never drank again.

He went right back to it, and as far as I know, is still drinking himself to death. He went to AA for a while, but couldn't seem to "get" the rather simple program. He was a good guy, a nice man, but could not do what was necessary to do to recover.

My first husband, OTOH, has been sober for over 35 years. I've been sober for seven years. Early sobriety is tough, no matter what, but working a program can help immeasurably with making the transition to sober living. Lots of people go back to drinking because sober life is simply unbearable for them.

Remember to take good care of yourself during this time--there isn't a whole lot you can do for him but there's a lot you can do for yourself.

AnvilheadII

marisa, there is just no way for any of us to predict how this one specific alcoholic will react and behave. it remains to be seen. he has a long road ahead.......he needs to heal physically, mentally and spiritually. and each of those has their own time frame.

it is best to let him do this as he will.......to not try to insert yourself into the center of HIS process. take a step or twelve back.

marisa2

My heart has been hurting literally since this has happened to him. On one hand, I'm relieved that he got to the hospital, took tests and detoxed. I had been trying to talk him into getting to a doctor and to get detox help for a long time and I couldn't get him to do it. It took very painful symptoms to force him to this point.

I'm just so scared for him now. I'm somewhat in the dark now. We used to talk everyday about everything. I told him I wouldn't see him in person, if he was drinking. I thought that would help, by showing action, since words were not enough to make him stop. On the phone, he was mostly sober (it seemed). Seemed he was doing better. Then, he'd call and I could tell he'd started up again. I'd tell him that I could tell and reiterate my concerns, but then he'd say that's all I can think about, but I could ignore it.

I spoke with him a few times in the hospital (1wk timeframe) and I've talked to him twice since he's been out (another wk). And we've been speaking everyday for a year, and dated the year prior. I wonder when these withdraw symptoms end. I worry that maybe I didn't do enough, but all advice said he has to be ready and they can't be forced.

marisa2

P.s. I meant to say, I could NOT ignore it. Sorry for the typo.

LexieCat

It may not be simply alcohol withdrawal (or the meds) affecting him. High ammonia causes something called "alcoholic encephalopathy"--my second husband had that and it was exactly like dealing with someone with Alzheimer's. That is a result of the liver damage, not alcohol withdrawal. The extent to which he recovers will most likely depend on what happens with his liver. There are medications that can help, but back when we were going through it, they didn't help a whole lot (at least from that standpoint). As I recall, it took my alcoholic several weeks to get his marbles back. If the damage had been worse, who knows?

marisa2

He just updated me some more. Apparently, he has a "small" spot of cirrhosis. I just don't know what to make of this. I don't understand what this means or know how "small".

He had symptoms...extreme stomach pains. that was why he was in the hospital. At the hospital, He was told that he had high ammonia levels, stomach edema and a swollen appendix. He stayed in the hospital on meds, soft/liquid foods and IV for a week and sent home with meds, where he's lost a lot of fluid weight.

What does this mean? With no alcohol, can he get better? If he never drinks again, what does this spot do over time?

So many celebs are doing movies, ect, who have bad cases of alcoholism, but I've never seen or heard whether they actually have this too.

How bad is this? Is it possible to recover and have a good life?

SparkleKitty

I know you want some assurances, Marisa, but we aren't his doctor. That is the only person who might be able to tell you what the future could hold for your friend. Please take care of yourself.

marisa2

I'm not asking for med advice, just wondered if anyone has experienced this or knows anyone who has, if its very common and if many As have this and are doing okay as long as they no longer drink.

happybeingme

You may want to actually ask some alcoholics rather than their friends or family. Whether or not he recovers is directly related to whether he quits forever or not. But even then the body is weird. I know a guy who is so messed up he should be dead. His doctors won't do anything more than make him comfortable when he has a heart attack because they have treated him so many times and he still won't quit drinking or smoking. Last I heard he had nine stents and still keeps going. Guy will probably live forever.

So, your friend might beat the odds or he could get sick some other way and due to the damage already done die tomorrow. His best hope is to quit forever. But, that is up to him. Your worrying won't help but it could make you sick.

LexieCat

From what I understand the cirrhotic part of the liver never recovers--cirrhosis is scar tissue that is basically dead. But the liver is so large that as long as most of it is working, the working part can do the job.

The thing is, once cirrhosis starts, the liver is VERY susceptible to further damage. Which is why drinking has to STOP (processing even "normal" amounts of alcohol is taxing on the liver), certain medications like acetaminophen (VERY toxic to the liver) need to be avoided, and generally, medical advice needs to be heeded.

Only his doctor could provide details, but I learned a lot about liver disease when my first husband got so sick. He was told by his doctors that if he doesn't drink and takes proper care of himself he should be able to live a full life.

DoubleDragons

My mother-in-law was diagnosed with cirrhosis of the liver when she was in her early 60s. She had to get fluids and ascites pumped out of her stomach more than once. She quit drinking completely and is alive and well and is turning 76 next week. Everyone is different, but I hope that this gives you hope.

dandylion

marisa......there are lots of websites that give basic medical information. I suggest that y ou google alcoholic liver disease and read up on it.

I am a PA and have been involved in the treatment of many alcoholics and those with alcohol cirrhosis of the liver. There are many, many alcoholics who have had alcoholic cirrhosis who are able to get "better" IF .....IF......IF......they stop drinking and follow the medical advice that is given them......
That is as much as I can tell you......that is about all that anyone can tell you.....since his recovery is in his hands......

You can also ask him to sign a release of medical information form from his doctor's office.....so that they can give you medical info. about him.

dandylion