does someone know what's happening to him?
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Join Date: Oct 2015
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does someone know what's happening to him?
My XAB/ best friend that I deeply care for is having medical issues that I am worried about and trying to understand.
He's been drinking cheap wine or light beer for years (I don't know how many) and it's been escalating over a period of the last 2-3 years. I understand that's it's progressive, which is what seems to have happened with him. I know that he started drinking because it helped his social anxiety and now he's an alcoholic.
He was hitting rock bottom, which was forcing him to realize that he needed help and was about to enroll in a 28 day program, when suddenly he had sharp stomach pains in the middle of the night and had to go to the hospital.
The previous weeks, he had been experiencing gastrointestinal issues, unexplained weight loss and then weight gain/swelling in the abdomen.
At hospital, he was told that he had high ammonia levels, a compromised liver, and a swollen appendix. He stayed in the hospital on meds, soft/liquid foods and IV for a week.
Now, he has family taking care of him, eating soft foods or blended veggies. He's on a diuretic, something to reduce the ammonia, a med that makes you sick if you drink, and some kind of med for withdrawal...don't know the names of these meds.
He said that he was told that if he stops drinking from this point on, that his liver with rejuvenate. Is that true? Does it sound like he can make a full recovery? I know he is trying and I know it's hard.
Can anyone help me understand better what is happening. I need to understand. The not knowing is making me so depressed and feel so helpless.
Also, what is the best thing I can do to support/help him right now and what is the next step he should take, to insure that he stays on course? Does it sound like if he stops, that he still has hope of a healthy life again?
If you've been through this as an A yourself or as a loved one of an A, please let me know.
Thanks for your help.
He's been drinking cheap wine or light beer for years (I don't know how many) and it's been escalating over a period of the last 2-3 years. I understand that's it's progressive, which is what seems to have happened with him. I know that he started drinking because it helped his social anxiety and now he's an alcoholic.
He was hitting rock bottom, which was forcing him to realize that he needed help and was about to enroll in a 28 day program, when suddenly he had sharp stomach pains in the middle of the night and had to go to the hospital.
The previous weeks, he had been experiencing gastrointestinal issues, unexplained weight loss and then weight gain/swelling in the abdomen.
At hospital, he was told that he had high ammonia levels, a compromised liver, and a swollen appendix. He stayed in the hospital on meds, soft/liquid foods and IV for a week.
Now, he has family taking care of him, eating soft foods or blended veggies. He's on a diuretic, something to reduce the ammonia, a med that makes you sick if you drink, and some kind of med for withdrawal...don't know the names of these meds.
He said that he was told that if he stops drinking from this point on, that his liver with rejuvenate. Is that true? Does it sound like he can make a full recovery? I know he is trying and I know it's hard.
Can anyone help me understand better what is happening. I need to understand. The not knowing is making me so depressed and feel so helpless.
Also, what is the best thing I can do to support/help him right now and what is the next step he should take, to insure that he stays on course? Does it sound like if he stops, that he still has hope of a healthy life again?
If you've been through this as an A yourself or as a loved one of an A, please let me know.
Thanks for your help.
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
The body and liver can heal from a lot. If the medical professionals think he will heal, I would believe them. They have no reason to lie.
What are you doing for YOU? Take care of yourself. This is his battle, not yours.
What are you doing for YOU? Take care of yourself. This is his battle, not yours.
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Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Chicago
Posts: 5,450
We are discouraged from giving any kind of medical advice on this forum, and even if we could, it's likely that no two circumstances would be alike enough to give you the answers you are looking for.
That being said, this sounds extremely stressful for you. Are you taking care of yourself during this time? Making sure YOUR support system is whole and healthy?
Your ex has been told the best course of action and has the choice to follow it or not. There are never any guarantees when it comes to one's health and addiction. There is nothing you can do or say to "ensure that he stays on course". That is up to him, and him alone.
That being said, this sounds extremely stressful for you. Are you taking care of yourself during this time? Making sure YOUR support system is whole and healthy?
Your ex has been told the best course of action and has the choice to follow it or not. There are never any guarantees when it comes to one's health and addiction. There is nothing you can do or say to "ensure that he stays on course". That is up to him, and him alone.
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Join Date: Oct 2011
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Marisa,
the ball is in his court. He is an adult who has been informed by health professionals on what HE needs to do to survive.
You need to step aside and let that happen. I know it's hard. I watched my X turn into a ghost of his former self due to drug and alcohol related illness. He knew what he had to do. He chose not to.
Oh well, not my business anymore. At some point you just have to stop worrying about it for your own sanity. I did and I am a much happier person for it.
You deserve that too. He is not a child. He has to man up and save himself.
the ball is in his court. He is an adult who has been informed by health professionals on what HE needs to do to survive.
You need to step aside and let that happen. I know it's hard. I watched my X turn into a ghost of his former self due to drug and alcohol related illness. He knew what he had to do. He chose not to.
Oh well, not my business anymore. At some point you just have to stop worrying about it for your own sanity. I did and I am a much happier person for it.
You deserve that too. He is not a child. He has to man up and save himself.
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Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: milwaukee wi
Posts: 3,574
my Dear young friend.. prayers so many prayers.. there is something happening to a lot of us... in this same manner.. my Doc is just confused.. and trying to find something.. so I am on new meds for tummy for anti bio and digestion... I do a non caffe tea.. that seems to help.. hugs so many hugs and prayers.. he needs to listen to the Doctor.. if he is under 40 his body will get better.. but he has to be on every little thing.. forever.. ardy
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Join Date: Oct 2015
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I'm not asking for med advice, only for similar experiences and their outcomes. Also, if anyone has advice that has helped, please let me know. Thanks.
I know about the alanon belief of only thinking of myself, but I've learned that hearing this makes me more stressed. Understanding what's going on and knowing I've done my best to help is also helping me to feel less stressed.
I've been to a male councilors who specializes in addiction/alanon and maybe its the male in him, but his insensitivity makes me feel so much worse. I can't stand the stigma attached to this. It's an illness. It affects the kindest, sweetest, classy people out there. They are not all low life bums..but that's how councilors make me feel.
I know about the alanon belief of only thinking of myself, but I've learned that hearing this makes me more stressed. Understanding what's going on and knowing I've done my best to help is also helping me to feel less stressed.
I've been to a male councilors who specializes in addiction/alanon and maybe its the male in him, but his insensitivity makes me feel so much worse. I can't stand the stigma attached to this. It's an illness. It affects the kindest, sweetest, classy people out there. They are not all low life bums..but that's how councilors make me feel.
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Join Date: May 2013
Location: east coast
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Don't mistaken practicality for not caring. You can't love him back to health. If you could none of us would ever become alcoholic. I know I am a recovering alcoholic myself and a wife and mother. The love of my husband and sons wasn't enough.
If your friend fully follows the doctors care instructions he could recover physically. The big key though will be him abstaining from alcohol forever. The best way for him to do that is by being with other recovering alcoholics. Joining a program, using online forums, something. I would never be where I am today if I hadn't found the online support I had. Nearly 4.5 years later I stay around because I am always learning and helping sometimes as well.
You want to help? Just be a good friend. Don't push or whine about his recovery but offer support after he asks. Back off when he asks for space and get him in the backside when he needs it. This means you need to be healthy as well. Worrying, obsessing, stressing. They are counter productive for you both.
If your friend fully follows the doctors care instructions he could recover physically. The big key though will be him abstaining from alcohol forever. The best way for him to do that is by being with other recovering alcoholics. Joining a program, using online forums, something. I would never be where I am today if I hadn't found the online support I had. Nearly 4.5 years later I stay around because I am always learning and helping sometimes as well.
You want to help? Just be a good friend. Don't push or whine about his recovery but offer support after he asks. Back off when he asks for space and get him in the backside when he needs it. This means you need to be healthy as well. Worrying, obsessing, stressing. They are counter productive for you both.
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Originally Posted by marisa2 
Also, if anyone has advice that has helped, please let me know.
I know about the alanon belief of only thinking of myself
The liver is an amazing organ, but it has limits. It's ability to withstand abuse & regenerate in the absence of abuse is astonishing, but there are no guarantees. It really is ALL up to him & his desire to regain his health. Staying committed to sobriety is not a simple task.
It affects the kindest, sweetest, classy people out there. They are not all low life bums..
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Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Los Angeles
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Originally Posted by marisa2
I know about the alanon belief of only thinking of myself, but I've learned that hearing this makes me more stressed. Understanding what's going on and knowing I've done my best to help is also helping me to feel less stressed.
I've been to a male councilors who specializes in addiction/alanon and maybe its the male in him, but his insensitivity makes me feel so much worse. I can't stand the stigma attached to this. It's an illness. It affects the kindest, sweetest, classy people out there. They are not all low life bums..but that's how councilors make me feel.
Sending you hugs, I hope you find peace.
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Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Chicago
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I, too, hate the stigma attached to alcoholism. I know a lot more "professional" addicts than I know addicts who live under bridges and don't bathe. But it's important to remember that ALL alcoholics are responsible for themselves. The kind, sweet, and classy ones are not exempt from consequences. They have to want to recover before anything anyone else does or says can make a difference.
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Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Texas
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It does effect the kindest sweetest classy people out there and sometimes turns them into the worst most horribly angry abusive people. There is nothing you can do to "help". Take care of yourself-eat healthy c pray, exercise, therapy or alanon, etc-YOU can do those...btw, alanon is not about caring only about yourself. At all. It's about recognizing what you can control and that is you. I wish you nothing but peace and hopeful he recovers and puts his health first.
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Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 5,103
Originally Posted by marisa2
I've been to a male councilors who specializes in addiction/alanon and maybe its the male in him, but his insensitivity makes me feel so much worse. I can't stand the stigma attached to this. It's an illness. It affects the kindest, sweetest, classy people out there. They are not all low life bums..but that's how councilors make me feel.
Sounds like your friend is in good hands where sound advice has been given to him – don’t drink and allow the liver to try and heal.
Support doesn’t have to be an “action” you take - it can simply be a prayer or just being there when or if he needs someone to talk to.
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Thanks everyone. To answer atalose's question, I went to this councilor because his specialty is alcoholism and I need to understand and deal with my stress due to my worries over this, plus I have other stresses too that I'm trying to manage.
So, is it possible for him to re cover by following these doc instructions and stopping the drink, based on his current condition and his age of 48? Have any of you seen or experienced full rejuvenation and recovery after this? Thanks.
So, is it possible for him to re cover by following these doc instructions and stopping the drink, based on his current condition and his age of 48? Have any of you seen or experienced full rejuvenation and recovery after this? Thanks.
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Join Date: Mar 2014
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Originally Posted by marisa2
So, is it possible for him to re cover by following these doc instructions and stopping the drink, based on his current condition and his age of 48? Have any of you seen or experienced full rejuvenation and recovery after this? Thanks.
It is always, and has always been, in God's hands. Many people recover from lifelong alcohol abuse in their fifties and later. It is possible. HE has to want it, you can't make it happen, nor can you possibly know what the outcome is going to be - no one can. Relax, you have no control over this. Let go and let God.
We aren't doctors, we haven't seen his medical records - and I'm assuming you haven't either. Just take it one day at a time.
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Marisa,
Anything is possible if he wants it bad enough. Absolutely he can recover if he grows up, sobers up and works a program. Its not all about the drink. From the way you are talking you are very enmeshed in him.
This is not a 2 person disease. Just like with cancer, if he has lung cancer, continues to smoke even knowing the consequences then he will eventually die. But just like lung cancer, if he stops smoking there is still no guarantee he hasn't damaged his body to far that he will eventually die.
Only God knows our future, as it is out of our control. Your loved one is out of your control also. You need to take a step back and treat this man with dignity and respect. He knows that battle ahead of him. Place your concern in Gods hands. Some one posted this the other day "What God won't do is violate your addicts free will, and neither can you, to force him to stop drinking".
He knows what he needs to do to save his life. Hugs my friend, we all love an addict (not a bum) and if we knew how to get them sober and stay sober we wouldn't all be on this forum.
Anything is possible if he wants it bad enough. Absolutely he can recover if he grows up, sobers up and works a program. Its not all about the drink. From the way you are talking you are very enmeshed in him.
This is not a 2 person disease. Just like with cancer, if he has lung cancer, continues to smoke even knowing the consequences then he will eventually die. But just like lung cancer, if he stops smoking there is still no guarantee he hasn't damaged his body to far that he will eventually die.
Only God knows our future, as it is out of our control. Your loved one is out of your control also. You need to take a step back and treat this man with dignity and respect. He knows that battle ahead of him. Place your concern in Gods hands. Some one posted this the other day "What God won't do is violate your addicts free will, and neither can you, to force him to stop drinking".
He knows what he needs to do to save his life. Hugs my friend, we all love an addict (not a bum) and if we knew how to get them sober and stay sober we wouldn't all be on this forum.
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Originally Posted by marisa2
Thanks everyone. To answer atalose's question, I went to this councilor because his specialty is alcoholism and I need to understand and deal with my stress due to my worries over this, plus I have other stresses too that I'm trying to manage.
So, is it possible for him to re cover by following these doc instructions and stopping the drink, based on his current condition and his age of 48? Have any of you seen or experienced full rejuvenation and recovery after this? Thanks.
So, is it possible for him to re cover by following these doc instructions and stopping the drink, based on his current condition and his age of 48? Have any of you seen or experienced full rejuvenation and recovery after this? Thanks.
But here's the deal about that, if he didn't quit he would be dead. I think that's the message here for your friend. Quitting is always going to improve ones life. My husband was sick AND drunk, AND just getting sicker. Now he is sober, happy, healthy diabetic. Sure beats a sick, miserable drunk.
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