LexieCat

You know, one of the things we partners of alcoholics share with alcoholics is the delusion that "this time it will be different." Alcoholics are great at changing what they drink, making up "rules" for when, what, how, or with whom they drink--positive, each time, that THIS time they have nailed it. Partners and loved ones run around looking for this treatment program, that one, setting (and then adjusting) ultimatums, controlling the alcoholic's environment, etc. None of it makes a dent in this kind of disease.

No idea how you have concluded that her first rehab was "sub-par." All you have to go on are her gripes and the fact that she left. She might be comfy enough to stay in the next one, but if she comes out still drinking that won't be any reflection on the quality of the rehab. As we have said, over and over, no rehab--no program--will "work" with someone who doesn't want to quit drinking. What rehab offers is an opportunity to shut out outside distractions for a while (hence the no-laptop-or-cell phone rule) and focus completely on recovery. Occasionally someone who was reluctant to go to rehab does hear something that tips them to the "wanting recovery" side. That happens with people who are court-ordered to AA, too--if they hear someone whose story they can relate to. Lots and lots of people in rehabs--whether they are the posh ones or the kind she went to in the beginning--and in AA meetings drank exactly the same way she does. If that "clicks" with her at some point, great. But if she isn't at all ready to hear it, she will just keep looking for ways she is different and grounds for concluding what she hears doesn't apply to her.

Look, I'm a lawyer. Retired after one great career and now on my second. Never lost a job, never got arrested (not that I didn't deserve to be stopped for DWI), never developed liver disease or experienced any of the horrible consequences that visited some of my friends in AA. I am no better than they are--just lucky. I never went to rehab. I was scared to death that my luck would run out and I WOULD start experiencing some of those "nevers." I felt horrible every day, like I was carrying this huge, shameful secret. I walked into my first AA meeting (for ME--I had been to them when my ex husbands were getting sober), and I went to 90 meetings in 90 days, never picked up another drink. I was ready. I wanted it. I had a plan B of rehab, but I never needed to go there. Total cost of my recovery: $1 in the basket at each meeting (and if I hadn't had it nobody would have looked sideways at me).

We will all be happy if your g/f comes out of rehab #2 and stays sober. If she does, it will be only partially attributable to the quality of the rehab.

Incidentally, a lot of the people she will be going to THIS rehab with will probably be some of those "criminals" you are so concerned about. A lot of them have well-off family members who, like your g/f's parents, are willing to foot the bill because they desperately want to see their loved one get well. And I hope your g/f keeps close tabs on her laptop and cell phone while she's there. Theft can happen anywhere, and as someone who worked in law enforcement for a very long time, I guarantee you that thefts happen even in "nice" rehabs. If she can read the fine print on her admission papers this time, she will be waiving liability on the part of the rehab if anything happens to them.

ihatealcohol80

I just hope she finishes this rehab. Her lawyer said she can avoid prison time if she shows sobriety. She said she felt out of place at the prior rehab. She can only use her phone a couple hours in the evening. This rehab does acupuncture and even has a pool. She deserves the best chance for recovery. I'm just hoping that the psychiatrist there doesn't put her back on the nerve pills.

biminiblue

IHA, you've mentioned nerve pills several times. What are they, and why don't you think she should take them?

ihatealcohol80

Bimini, I'm referring to anxiety meds.I was told that xanex is like booze in a pill. I believe she may have been abusing them. She was falling asleep at random times.

LexieCat

Xanax is very addictive. It DOES sometimes have its uses for BRIEF periods during detox. But it's probably a poor choice for someone who has already been abusing them.

Detox and early sobriety are almost always accompanied by anxiety as part of withdrawal and adjusting to not having alcohol in your system. For most people it disappears with recovery. For those who truly need psych medications, it appears they are best prescribed after the body and mind have had a chance to adjust to the absence of alcohol.

There are a few misguided souls who encourage all alcoholics to turn down any psych meds. People who aren't doctors shouldn't be giving medical advice. It IS always good for alcoholics and addicts to be prescribed psych meds ONLY by doctors who understand addiction and who can carefully monitor the patient's response.

ihatealcohol80

Lex, I meant to ask. Was it legal for the local papers to publish her arrest before she had been convicted? They even put her blood alcohol level that was taken at the hospital. I thought that was a HIPPA violation? They even put her mug shot where she is crying in the paper.

Refiner

What was her BAC?

LexieCat

Freedom of the press--newspapers can print whatever they want to, as long as it isn't false and libelous. None of what was printed was other than factual. I suspect her BAC was listed on the criminal complaint, or the police report, neither of which are covered by HIPAA.

LexieCat

I do find it interesting, though, that you seem far more concerned with what the press might have done wrong, or the rehab might have done wrong, than you are with what SHE did wrong.

Chrissy2014

You're exactly right, lexicat. People who are not medical professionals should not offer medical advice, ie Xanax. Heed thine own advice!

LexieCat

I'm not sure what that means. I didn't give anyone medical advice.

ihatealcohol80

It was .24. She admitted to me that she drank a bottle the night before and had a few nips that morning to stop shaking.

ihatealcohol80

It just seems in poor taste to post mug shot photos. The local busy bodies love to look at the police beat section. I am getting a crash course in the U.S. legal system and am a bit shocked.

LexieCat

Well, it's THREE TIMES the legal limit, so I can see why it was considered newsworthy. Your g/f either had a lot more than a "few nips" or she must have been drinking to a very dangerous (for her) level the night before. Either way, someone in her condition had no business behind the wheel, much less driving a busload of children.

The good news is that the amount she has been drinking won't make it any harder for her to get sober than someone who was drinking less. IF she decides that she wants to be sober.

LexieCat

The printing of the mug shots is the newspaper's call, not the legal system's. Complain to the paper, if you want to--it's the editor who sets policy on what is and isn't something "fit to print."

biminiblue

Thanks, IHA. I agree with what Lexi said...let the doctors do the prescribing and stay out of it. Xanax has legitimate uses, but it's not the doctors' faults if your GF decides to use them not as prescribed.

If she was using Xanax and alcohol together, that is a very dangerous combination. She's lucky she didn't die.

I guess more to the point is that you have no control over what lies she tells the medical professionals, or whether she uses them as prescribed or abuses them. Someone with such an advanced alcohol problem is likely to abuse them, for sure. I hope you can get yourself out of this situation as soon as possible.

((hug))

KissMyTiara

Arrests are public record. They are on the county website and can be published elsewhere. You can google people and find their mugshots. On the internet forever. If not convicted perhaps it can be expunged from her criminal record but will remain on the internet. For example the shooter in Charleston is all over the papers but he has only been arrested, not convicted. And a breathalyzer/urine isn't covered under HIPPA. Her BAC was taken as part of a criminal investigation. Additionally, in many states a for the privilege of having the State issue you a driver's license that you agree to certain rules when it comes to suspected DUI.

biminiblue

This is very concerning. Not just the .24 - which is really high - but the morning drinking and the shakes - from an alcoholic perspective, she's really far into this. The shakes are withdrawal, and that comes quite a ways in to alcohol abuse. This isn't a new problem or a little problem. This is bad.

KissMyTiara

I'm just really surprised that you weren't aware of a problem before her arrest knowing that you live together. .024!!!! That is crazy high BAC and she was on Xanax concurrently. You said she confessed she drank a bottle the night before. How are you with her and don't know that? It's obvious to me as an alcoholic that she has been drinking a long time. You just can't get to that level and then function enough to even get out of bed if you haven't built up tolerance.

Refiner

iHA she really reminds me of a cop here where I live who drank like she did and thought nothing of it. Carried his alcohol with him 24/7 while on the clock as a COP. Finally one day his luck ran out and he plowed into a group of 4 motorcycles and their riders sitting at a red light waiting for the green arrow to turn left. Just 4 buddies and one with his girlfriend behind him that rode their bikes to their office jobs since it was such a nice day and decided to all take their lunch hour together. Well, drunk cop heard some non-emergency run happening for another cop and decided to join in the "arresting fun" for the thrill of it. He approached the group of bikes that were sitting ducks at the red light WAY too fast and plowed into them from behind killing one and forever maiming two others. He was immediately surrounded by his ""Brothers in Blue" to cover everything up. By law he was required to get a blood draw since there was a fatality. They took him to a quick clinic for it TWO HOURS LATER and was way over the legal limit. The current prosecutor at the time, who was VERY crooked and in bed politically with the Police Dept. got the blood draw thrown out saying the person administering wasn't qualified. After MAJOR red tape, cover up, lies and corruption AND the election of a NEW prosecutor, they were allowing his blood vial in as admissible in court. Meanwhile, nothing changed for this "cop" still drinking (even in public during lunch at a hamburger joint where the owner ended up coming to his table where he was dining with his wife and a couple of other friends and told him she would NOT serve him any alcohol and asked him to leave) and he eventually ended up wrecking his personal vehicle in a bridge on a backroad and blew again. This time his "Brothers in Blue" abandoned him (as did the Union) and the new Prosecutor took over and he's doing major hard time for years. All this bc he "wasn't that bad" and he "wasn't like those other drunks". You might Google his name and see what a legacy David Bisard has on the internet. I'm afraid this could be the start of your AGF's legacy (and yours, his wife's been slung through the mud for being so enabling) unless she makes the choice to become sober.