chicory

(((Honeypig)))

honeypig

to everybody.

I've been doing some mindless tidying to make me feel like I'm accomplishing something here today. I've been breaking that up by "snipping strings"--checked joint credit card, will pay it off and close the account once the last pending charge has gone thru. I received some great advice to split up the auto insurance to protect myself from the possibility of a DUI from him, just emailed the agent altho I know no one will see it until tomorrow.

I've got a big pile of paperwork to read and sign before orientation for the new job, too. That's a ways off yet, but I don't want to find out I have a problem w/some part of it on the day before I need it.

I feel for AH--he says he is aware of the disconnect going on between what he shows the world and what he does in private. He truly feels he just can't stop, and that has to be terrifying...He still gives off a pretty big "victim" vibe, though, and I have to imagine that is a major impediment in recovery.

Even more frightening, he remembers very, very little of last night, yet unless you knew him, you wouldn't have suspected he was drunk. This is a pretty big progression, so far as I know. It seems that each time he gets bad enough to crash and burn, the response is to get better at hiding it. It seems now like the progression of the disease is outpacing his ability to hide it, though. It took 4 years last time, and only 2 this time. Last time he fooled only me, but this time he also fooled his sponsor and other A's...makes me feel less stupid, at least!

He claimed to want "one moment of compassion" from me. If he only knew...but no matter how much pity or compassion or love I show him, it is still not going to change HIM. That is his job.

OK, back to the kitchen to cut up broccoli. Then a cup of coffee, then a beginning on the pile of orientation paperwork....

Couldn't do it w/o you guys!

Refiner

HP! God (or your hp) is in control and has a path for you! Congratulations on your new job WITH BENEFITS -WOW! Will you be able to keep both dogs? The terrier will be just fine. They adjust and I just hope they can stay together (pack animals). You sound ready and determined- not that it makes it "easy". God bless you!

peacelovesober

Honey I'm exactly where you are right now. So sorry to hear it. Seems like the hardest thing in the world to let go of one that we love. Heres to getting off the fence and making a move in the right direction

honeypig

I absolutely have to keep both dogs--they are not only companions to each other but friends. The terrier will sleep w/her head on Ned's back. I take them both to the vet even if only one needs to go b/c it has such a calming effect on each one if the other is there.

I just got done plugging in some info in a couple of dogwalking sites to see if I can find someone to just let them out and put down their bowls of food on weekdays sometime between 3 and 5 PM. It may be too expensive...I could try the kids in the subdivision behind me, but I want someone reliable. I'm not sure if a pet door would be feasible, as there are steps to get in the house both front and back door. I'd welcome any suggestions from my fellow dog-ophiles.

RollTide

I'm a dog-ophile who has been through what you are going through. I finally realized that if I did nothing my life would stay the same and that was unacceptable. The best thing I ever did for myself was to get out of the insanity of living with an alcoholic. I have never regretted it. I have tried to figure out why it took me so long.

I wish I lived close so I could help you with your dogs. I kept the dogs that my ex and I had.

My prayers are going out for you.

CodeJob

I've used kids in my neighborhood. If you find a family with two +, that helps when one might have sports the other can still pop over...

Refiner

We pay our responsible teen boy neighbor to take care of our two when we travel. $15/day vs $55/day! Plus his Mom loves our dogs and makes sure everything gets done

dandylion

Honeypig.....It seems that most every alcoholic is "terrified" at the point that they finally take the step toward recovery (genuine recovery, that is).
That is a major reason that they avoid it so strenuously. The fear that they "can't stop". That they can't live without ever drinking.
Don't you just know that those who arrive on the front step of the rehab place....or their first AA meetings.....are trembling in their shoes from fear.
It is just that they have finally arrived at a place of such misery and fear that even sobriety looks (maybe) a l ittle better........misery wrapped-up in fear.
That is what the steps are there to address. That is what the message is to address.
Who knows, Honeypig...maybe this divorce will be, for him, the thing that will allow him to seriously surrender for the first time......

Oh, by the way....do you really think he "fooled" his sponsor and the other AA members? Who said they were "fooled"?
I know that some alcoholics go to AA meetings and still drink. They fool nobody. Other AA members don't necessarily challenge them for their denial and misrepresentation of the truth----
I'm not an alcoholic, but I am telling you what I have seen and heard from many alcoholics, over the years....lol.

I really don't have a point, here......
I am just sharing some of my thoughts as I read your post.....

Wagons forward, Ho!

dandylion

dandylion

Honeypig..........

honeypig

dandy, thank you for the post--there's a lot for me to think about in it. I haven't spent much time looking at things from the A's point of view, and you gave me a peek from there. Your statement that AH's sponsor and other A's at meetings were not necessarily fooled simply b/c they didn't call him out on his BS is something that just never occurred to me. Certainly that is possible, and even likely...

I have been searching for a picture of Donald Sutherland as Oddball in "Kelly's Heroes", the moment when he is standing in the turret of his Sherman and motioning the column of tanks behind him to start moving, saying "HO oooooo!" I thought this would go well w/your wagons ho and racing sled dogs. However, I am denied, can't find a picture of that exact thing! This is the best I can do:

(I have always had a thing for Donald Sutherland, and the young Clint Eastwood and Telly Savalas in the movie are not bad either...)

honeypig

Thanks to the dog-ophiles for their suggestions! I heard back from one walker/sitter person so far--$20 a day, which I am sure is a totally reasonable price for her to charge but not affordable for me. I'll see what other responses I get and then perhaps start checking the subdivision for likely kids. My neighbor is retired, but she had some kind of heavy-duty foot surgery this past spring and is still recovering, or I'd ask her.

My current boss would probably be happy to have me work one weekend shift per week--although I hate to only have 1 day a week off, if it meant enough $ to ensure the houndies are taken care of properly while I'm at work, it might be worth it. More will be revealed, right?

searching peace

Honeypig, most importantly congratulations on your new job!! That is amazing news and perfect timing! I guess we will all look forward to your daily language of letting go post a little later in the day now that you won't be delivering so early!

I am sorry you are having to go through this with your AH. And I can say with 100% certainty that even if you gave him all of the compassion in the world, it would be another reason he drinks. This has nothing to do with you, and thankfully you are strong enough to already know that! But, it doesn't make this any less painful for you and I'm truly sorry! You will be in my thoughts and prayers. I know if anyone on here can get through this, it is you!!!!

searching peace

Also, I know my children would do backflips if someone actually offered to pay them to walk their dogs. They would be thrilled with $10 a day. But, they are awarded service points and their school and would do it for free and use it for service points. Usually kids between 12-15 are responsible enough and cannot drive so they won't be that busy. My oldest daughter dog sat for a neighbor and didn't get paid in any way. She wanted to be neighborly and refused when they offered to pay her. If there are kids that live around you, I bet you could find someone less than $20 a day.

dandylion

I"ll bet you could find kids to do it for $5 a day. Play with 2 dogs for 1/2 hour or so and put down dog food--after school---a sweet deal!
There are adults who do hard labor, around here of the minimum wage of 10$ an
hour.
A kid who is 15 or less.....are the most likely. If they have parents who will keep an eye out....all the better.

Honeypig...that is a great photo!! good work.
I was thinking about the opening of every show in Death Valley Days (tv),
as the pioneers started their journey westward!

dandylion

AnvilheadII

dogs can easily do up to 10 hours a day in a pen if they have been fed and poddied before the human leaves. unless of course either dog has physical ailments or issues. we have a big pen right inside our front door, when we are home the gate is open and they will often go in and sack out - it isn't a BAD DOG place, it is their SAFE place. when I get ready to leave for work, they know when its time, usually the older dog is already IN the pen and I just have to call the other idiot (said with love), come on Della into the house.....and she shuffles out and gets in the pen and curls up with Bucky. they can see out the French door windows, have blankies down, and pretty much snooze all day til we get home.

they get fed twice a day - around 6am and 6pm. they are sheltered from direct sun and like I said, pretty much sleep all day. we have a big fenced yard so when one of us gets home we let them out and they do their business and frolic a bit. one dog is 75 pounds, the other 125 and neither have ever starved!

honeypig

Thanks for all the dog feedback, folks. My houndies are older, 11 for Daisy and 12 for Ned, and truly will not make it for 9 hours while I'm at work. The routine has been that they are taken out and "emptied" @5:30 by AH before he leaves for work. If I get home much later than 11:30, usually somebody will have had an accident. It isn't even that I mind cleaning up all that much; it's not that big of a deal. It's that I imagine how stressful it must be for a housetrained dog to get to the point of peeing on the floor, something he/she knows is wrong...

So it looks like the kid angle may be the best one, from what you all say, and I'll pursue that. For now, off to work, then after work, I need to get the papers ready and then head to the courthouse w/AH. Man, I'm tired, but it's gotta be done.

Thanks again to everybody, and I hope you all have a good day.

FireSprite

Just sending continued support & prayers your way, HP. Not that I think you need it because you have come SO far in your own recovery. I see much strength & determination in you.

I know almost nothing about dogs, but I know that one of my stay at home mommy friends was looking at doing some doggy daycare visits like this part time just to keep busy. Hopefully the perfect caregiver will "show up" now that you've put it out there.

Many, many (((((((hugs)))))))!!!

knowthetriggers

Just sending my support to you Honeypig. I would say strength but you seem to be pretty stable and for that you should be very proud of yourself.

All the best with your new journey and I do hope that your AH can find sobriety.

tight, tight hugs to you!

~Triggers

redatlanta

Take a look at a 'Pet Loo" sold at many pet stores. I have several friends that have converted their pets to use. The container holds 2 liters of fluid and you can sprinkle something in the container that will "gel up" the urine for easy disposal in your toilet. FYI it looks like a box that is about 4 x 4 covered in astro turf that has holes for the urine to drain.

Its a training process to get them to use it but very possible. Things are differences everywhere, but where I live there is no reasonable "take the pet out". Neighborhood kids here charge $15 - $20 and services are $30. Perhaps you will be able to find something more affordable.

If AH is looking for compassion perhaps a hug and kiss on the head when he signs the divorce docs? Congrats on the job that is awesome!