Do I go or continue to let go?
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Originally Posted by biminiblue 
This is where I would double down on making sure no one can contact me or find me to report on his crazy. Every time his friend reports back to him that he's talked to you it increases the guy's anger and desperation.
He could very easily do serious harm to you. He's going to jail, he's a delusional addict and he wants to see you.
He feels like he has nothing to lose.
Do not engage. Especially now.
He could very easily do serious harm to you. He's going to jail, he's a delusional addict and he wants to see you.
He feels like he has nothing to lose.
Do not engage. Especially now.
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Originally Posted by atalose
And you've not called 911 why?
Someone threatens to harm themselves, we do what???? We call what # again?
Someone threatens to harm themselves, we do what???? We call what # again?
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Why does "pleasing" him, his parents and his best friend mean so much to you?
You say, it feels difficult because you don't want to come across as a bitch. So why is what they think of you that important where you are placing your emotional well being into their hands?
You say, it feels difficult because you don't want to come across as a bitch. So why is what they think of you that important where you are placing your emotional well being into their hands?
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Originally Posted by atalose
Why does "pleasing" him, his parents and his best friend mean so much to you?
You say, it feels difficult because you don't want to come across as a bitch. So why is what they think of you that important where you are placing your emotional well being into their hands?
You say, it feels difficult because you don't want to come across as a bitch. So why is what they think of you that important where you are placing your emotional well being into their hands?
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The healthiest decision would be to cut off all contact and move on. If somehow he manages to contact you another way and threatens suicide then call the local the police in his home town and advise them of the threat.
If he’s told you he only says it to get to you – believe him!!!!
If he’s told you he only says it to get to you – believe him!!!!
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It might be time to call his bluff on the suicide threats by contacting 911 and reporting it. Either he is serious and people who are qualified to help him will help him, or he is trying to manipulate you and will soon feel the consequences of that choice. Either way, you will have done what you could without sacrificing your morals, or your peace.
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Originally Posted by JKSGRL
I'm sorry atalose, this whole thing is new to me and yet he has threatened this many times before and tells me later that he does it to get to me and doesn't believe in suicide so it's like "boy who cried wolf", I'm not sure what to believe. He is currently living with his parents, should I let them know??? I feel like I'm getting conflicting responses, some people say stay out of it, others say get involved! I'm not sure what to do?!
What you will hear recommended here is to always call. Then if he is serious he will get the help he needs. If he isn't serious, at least he'll know you are. If nothing happens except he gets to spend time with some paramedics or police, at least he'll be on their radar - and you will have done the right thing.
Honestly, if he's 1500 miles away I would block him and the horse he rode in on - i.e. everyone who might call you. What you don't know won't hurt you. But then, I'm the girl who breaks up with someone and never talks to them again. Simples.
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Originally Posted by atalose
And how has that worked out for your mom? Everybody all fixed and doing great? Doesn't sound like you are.
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Originally Posted by biminiblue
Honestly, if he's 1500 miles away I would block him and the horse he rode in on - i.e. everyone who might call you. What you don't know won't hurt you. But then, I'm the girl who breaks up with someone and never talks to them again. Simples.
Yes I am seeing my cycles and I understand I need to work from the inside out. I'm happy to realize it now and not 30 more years down the road. I am ready for the hard work, I am ready to let go as hard as that seems to be for me, I have never been one to just detach. I hold on for dear life! This whole thing has stressed me out to the point of finally being ready to let go. I do not like putting all this weight on my shoulders!
I texted his parents my concern since they are living there with him, I guess that's all I can do right now.
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Reading some other threads concerning this I am starting to worry that I should have taken it more seriously. He texted this at 7:30 am this morning when he knew I would be up and getting ready for work. I texted his best friend right away to check on him and I texted his parents an hour ago with no response. Do I call the cops as well or let it go and block them and move on from this point on? I want to do that regardless but now I am wondering if I should take more action or wait to hear back from someone that he is ok. I DO NOT want to text or call him myself, I feel as if I would just get sucked right back into it.
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Personally, I think you've done more than enough.
If you would feel better, call his local police. It's not really 911 at this point. You'll hear if anything happened - after reading about his past "threats" I'd bet he's fine.
Block everyone
I wouldn't even wait to hear anything, it's just keeping you in drama-mode.
If you would feel better, call his local police. It's not really 911 at this point. You'll hear if anything happened - after reading about his past "threats" I'd bet he's fine.
Block everyone
I wouldn't even wait to hear anything, it's just keeping you in drama-mode.
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I think it's obvious I need a break from all of this regardless, I am going to follow my gut and distance myself from his family as well. My instinct says it's just likely his narcissism and not a valid threat. If it is, well, I think I did what I could being so far away.
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Yes, you have done MORE than enough. Please block them. For your own sanity. And I wish you so much healing with your therapist to learn about your co-dependency issues most likely you learned from your Mom. Thank GOD you are self-aware and don't find yourself in this predicament in your 60's!
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His parents and his best friend have ignored your text message..........what does that tell you?
Take their lead.......block them all from contacting you. You will survive this, you will move on and one day look back and think to yourself - never ever again will I give so much of my emotions and energy away to people who don't deserve it and cannot give back equally.
Take their lead.......block them all from contacting you. You will survive this, you will move on and one day look back and think to yourself - never ever again will I give so much of my emotions and energy away to people who don't deserve it and cannot give back equally.
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Originally Posted by biminiblue
Personally, I think you've done more than enough.
If you would feel better, call his local police. It's not really 911 at this point. You'll hear if anything happened - after reading about his past "threats" I'd bet he's fine.
Block everyone I wouldn't even wait to hear anything, it's just keeping you in drama-mode.
If you would feel better, call his local police. It's not really 911 at this point. You'll hear if anything happened - after reading about his past "threats" I'd bet he's fine.
Block everyone
I wouldn't even wait to hear anything, it's just keeping you in drama-mode.I'm ready, thanks to all of you, you really helped me, more than you even know.
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Just an update, my time at the beach was wonderful and drama free however, yesterday I received an email from his mom. They took A to his court appearance yesterday, he plead “not guilty” to the DUI charges, etc but A showed up drunk at the hearing and was slapped with public drunkenness and taken directly to jail. I am relieved because it keeps me moving on (and if that sounds selfish, so be it) but of course his mom is a wreck and seeks my support, which I want to give but at the same time I really want to be rid of the whole thing. I am hoping she calms down and begins to pull away again. I know she throws out things so that I worry and commiserate with her, ugh.
She is terrified that he will die in jail from withdrawals, is this a legitimate worry? I would assume jails have this issue quite a bit and know how to handle it. Of course I still love him and worry about him BUT I still feel very strongly that I need to separate myself from the situation once and for all. I’m just guessing I need some reassurance that his situation will be handled and I can feel ok about not communicating with A’s mom.
She is terrified that he will die in jail from withdrawals, is this a legitimate worry? I would assume jails have this issue quite a bit and know how to handle it. Of course I still love him and worry about him BUT I still feel very strongly that I need to separate myself from the situation once and for all. I’m just guessing I need some reassurance that his situation will be handled and I can feel ok about not communicating with A’s mom.
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Glad to hear you had a wonderful time at the beach, you deserve it.
Yes, Jails have medical wards where he will be monitored and taken care of, they can also transport him to a hospital if that need arises. He is where he needs to be right now.
I think it is good you realize you need to separate yourself from this situation and all the people involved. I understand you don’t want to hurt his mom any more then she already is but YOU and your feelings count just as much.
Many of us grew up learning that our feelings didn’t matter as much as other peoples. That sticking up for ourselves and doing the healthy thing was considered “selfish”.
When we know better – we do better. We don’t have to remain in those un-healthy approaches to life we have opportunities to make healthier choices, practice those choices and life a more serene life.
Yes, Jails have medical wards where he will be monitored and taken care of, they can also transport him to a hospital if that need arises. He is where he needs to be right now.
I think it is good you realize you need to separate yourself from this situation and all the people involved. I understand you don’t want to hurt his mom any more then she already is but YOU and your feelings count just as much.
Many of us grew up learning that our feelings didn’t matter as much as other peoples. That sticking up for ourselves and doing the healthy thing was considered “selfish”.
When we know better – we do better. We don’t have to remain in those un-healthy approaches to life we have opportunities to make healthier choices, practice those choices and life a more serene life.
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Originally Posted by atalose
Glad to hear you had a wonderful time at the beach, you deserve it.
Yes, Jails have medical wards where he will be monitored and taken care of, they can also transport him to a hospital if that need arises. He is where he needs to be right now.
I think it is good you realize you need to separate yourself from this situation and all the people involved. I understand you don’t want to hurt his mom any more then she already is but YOU and your feelings count just as much.
Many of us grew up learning that our feelings didn’t matter as much as other peoples. That sticking up for ourselves and doing the healthy thing was considered “selfish”.
When we know better – we do better. We don’t have to remain in those un-healthy approaches to life we have opportunities to make healthier choices, practice those choices and life a more serene life.
Yes, Jails have medical wards where he will be monitored and taken care of, they can also transport him to a hospital if that need arises. He is where he needs to be right now.
I think it is good you realize you need to separate yourself from this situation and all the people involved. I understand you don’t want to hurt his mom any more then she already is but YOU and your feelings count just as much.
Many of us grew up learning that our feelings didn’t matter as much as other peoples. That sticking up for ourselves and doing the healthy thing was considered “selfish”.
When we know better – we do better. We don’t have to remain in those un-healthy approaches to life we have opportunities to make healthier choices, practice those choices and life a more serene life.
She just contacted me again to tell me he was released this morning and now they are in the ER. I'm trying to figure out why they would release him?! Every time I think he is going to be locked up for a while, nope.....of course I don't wish him ill will but seems a little ridiculous.
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