Being two different people.

Old 05-31-2015, 11:12 AM
  # 1 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 90
Being two different people.

So I finally started working the Al-anon program. I'm going to 3-4 meetings a week, making an effort to meet new people, and reading literature. Change is scary, it's almost like I'm learning a foreign language or something, but I know my situation can only get better not worse.

I'm struggling with the work place though. The second I walk through the door of my work, I become someone different.
I have the weight of the world on my shoulders because my to-do list is never ending. From the time I clock in to the time I finally clock out (usually staying later than I'm supposed to) I am going non-stop physically and mentally.

My coworkers don't know much about me, they just see me as some sweet, hard working girl who is stressed out. They don't know that during my lunch break I sit in my car and read my daily books. They don't know that after work I head straight to Al-anon or AA. They also don't know that sometimes when I come in I'm not just "tired," but my mind is a million miles because there's been a crisis - sometimes real, sometimes only conjured up in my mind.

I wait to go off work or I wait for the weekend so I can be myself again. I feel like when I go to work I have a mask on or I'm playing a character, it's not my real life. I realize everyone has to deal with this to an extent...when you go to work you check your personal problems at the door. I also realize a big part of it is because I don't like my job; it's nothing like I was told it would be so it does take it's toll. But it's gotten to the point where I dread going to work. Anybody else ever felt like this? How do you put your recovery first when you work at a job that demands so much of you?
987g is offline  
Old 05-31-2015, 12:26 PM
  # 2 (permalink)  
Member
 
honeypig's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 11,478
The 12th step does contain the language "practice these principles in all our affairs", so we do need to gradually bring our new knowledge to the workplace also. Can you give some examples of how you feel your job clashes with the principles of Alanon? Are you taking on responsibilities that aren't really yours? Are you not taking time for yourself to rest and regroup throughout the day? Maybe if you can be specific about "problem areas", we can come up with some ideas for you.
honeypig is offline  
Old 05-31-2015, 12:43 PM
  # 3 (permalink)  
Community Greeter
 
dandylion's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
987g.......I don't really know the origin of this problem for you, of course.

I would caution, though, not to blame everything on alcoholism or co-dependency. It could be something about the job, itself!!
There are tons of people who are in jobs that they are not suited for---one reason or another.
I do know that if you are in the wrong job--it can be a bleeping misery!!!!

I can remember going through a tough personal time....and, my job was actually a relief for me.....HOWEVER, I loved my job, at that time.

If you are in the wrong job...I say to change the job (or career) as soon as humanly possible.....
dandylion
dandylion is offline  
Old 05-31-2015, 02:00 PM
  # 4 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Right here, right now!
Posts: 3,424
987g

For me work is often where I first get to practice my new skills that I am learning in recovery.

That has often been hard, and challenging, and it often meant dropping the "perfect" employee role.

Eventually with one job it has meant leaving as the situation was becoming toxic to my recovery and my life. For me that was a huge step and spoke of my recovery....not in opposition to it.

I think it is great that you are observing this in yourself....I believe more will be revealed and you will get the chance to make some great changes.
LifeRecovery is offline  
Old 05-31-2015, 02:18 PM
  # 5 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 2,792
987G, good for you for getting healthy. I went to 2 alanon and 2 open aa meetings for a solid year. I have since divorced my X of 34 years, sold my home, found another job and I am doing amazing. I won't tell you that I miss my x, but my life is livable now!! It will happen to you also.

They say in alanon to give any major changes 6 months till you can get your head on straight. Keep working your programs and hitting SR. Things will slowly change, before your eyes. You can't force a solution. Sit back and wait, it will get better. Your fog in your brain will slowly lift and your life will become clearer.

Keep posting and reaching out. Be happy that you are getting "real" help for the craziness in your life. ((((((((((((((987G))))))))))))
maia1234 is offline  
Old 06-01-2015, 04:24 AM
  # 6 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: May 2015
Location: New York
Posts: 165
What Liferecovery said!

I just got a new job a few days ago for the very reason that my current job environment is so toxic. Read back through my duckygirl1 threads about "work vent". This job was the place that I could practice much of what I've learned about having a voice, detaching, forgiveness and responding rather than reacting. Still, this is not something I want to do everyday just to get through the day. We spend too much of our lifetime at work . It has to be able to pay the bills, but no money is worth your sanity.
iGirl66 is offline  
Old 06-01-2015, 04:30 AM
  # 7 (permalink)  
Member
 
redatlanta's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: atlanta, ga
Posts: 3,581
I think that you don't like your job is the issue. Is it really that you can't be yourself?

I learned a long time ago to keep my personal life out of the work place. It has always come back to bite me in the ass.

I think maybe the better choice for you is to start looking for work somewhere else that meets your needs rather than this job that turned out to be different than what you thought.
redatlanta is offline  
Old 06-01-2015, 12:05 PM
  # 8 (permalink)  
Member
 
FireSprite's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 6,780
I'm two VERY different people professionally & personally. I've always walked a fine line there - for years I was a hardworking tax professional during the day & by night a social butterfly, bar-hopping 4 nights each week during RAH's performances, running with a very rock & roll crowd until the wee hours of the mornings. For years I kept both parts of my life very separated & only a select few ever saw that crossover. But that was a choice I made, splitting my life like that.

The feeling you are talking about sounds to me more like not being comfortable being yourself at work. Not liking the job or having passion for the work probably doesn't help, and it also sounds like your coworkers are just people you work with... not exactly friends. Not the kind of relationships where you would feel comfortable sharing about your recovery.

I honestly think it will get easier over time. In recovery I had to first work on rebuilding myself from the inside out & even though it was SO hard to identify all the "wrong" things about myself, fixing it all helped my self-confidence to soar. With that rise in self-esteem I also found it easier to draw boundaries with coworkers. My current job isn't my dream job by a LONG shot & my boss is so Super Codie that she is one of the biggest challenges to my recovery in a lot of ways. I also learn SO MUCH from this dynamic though, I get real-life experience putting the tools I learn in recovery to work.

But like the others, I agree that if the job is that bad it may never be a fit for you no matter how much recovery time you log. It may be best to keep looking for something that's a better fit for you.
FireSprite is offline  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 07:41 AM.