Do I go or continue to let go?
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Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 5,103
In most towns public drunkenness is considered a misdemeanor and doesn’t warrant much jail time other than roughly a 12 hour period for them to sober up. Maybe another condition was for him to seek medical treatment to detox and an ER was recommended.
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Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 95
Originally Posted by Refiner 
Yeah he was prolly only on a 12-24 hour hold. Can you kindly ask his mother to stop contacting you that you wish him/her well but you are trying to move on and don't need the updates??
I know I have to get over that and realize she's an adult and she'll be just fine without me. She choose to go this route, she's not getting him the help he needs, she's not getting the help she needs so while I do feel pity for her, it's not enough to disturb my peace anymore.
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Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 95
ANOTHER update, whew, every time I come back here, well it helps me move on just a little faster and stronger. I have finally blocked everyone involved in this crazy situation. Last night I called my cell carrier and put a block on him, his best friend and his parents without any hesitation or regret!
I hate to admit that after all the BS he put me through and after all the progress I was making, I allowed them back in my life because A was sober again. And when he is sober, all feels right in the world and somehow I very naively convince myself that it's going to stick this time and I have my man back. He purchased a ticket for me to come see him on his birthday this Wednesday. Although I was still very hesitant well I choose to get all optimistic and dreamy eyed again believing that he was changing for the better, for real this time. STUPID, SILLY, WEAK me!!!!
Knowing that his birthday is coming up and he was doing so well and his new court date was coming up (and I don't see how he won't be sentenced to something!) I thought, well, let's go be together and reconnect before he is locked away for a while. I thought no matter what happens, I’ll get to see him while he is sober and then have that space to really figure things out. Yeah I wanted to feel all the fireworks again, I was in la la land believing that he had hit his rock bottom and there was nowhere to go but up!
Once again I laid out my boundaries and once again he crossed them and so very nonchalantly. A knows his best friend is no good for him, knows he is a trigger, knows that the best friend does not have his best interest in mind. The agreement was stay sober and no running off with the bad influence of a best friend. I begged, cried and pleaded but A choose to hang out with him all weekend and relapsed. Worse part was he couldn’t understand why I was so upset, implied that I was an insecure, controlling bitch that didn’t want him to have friends and a life. Oh man. Just like that it goes from, you’re the best thing that ever happened to me and I am ready to change my life and there is no way in hell I’ll mess up this chance to see each other to, “I’m a jezebel” (who even uses that word, lol) and a *****, a crazy bitch and he really doesn’t care that I won’t come now.
So what is the point of this post other than to admit my weakness and obvious lack of self-love, well it’s for any girl who might be going through the same nasty cycle that I have been going through for far too long. To tell you that there will come a day where you will be completely fed up and enough is enough. That you will be able to block them without feeling guilt or fear or loneliness or the feeling of being unlovable, etc. You will eventually tire of it, you will eventually start to realize you can get yourself back and you do not need this in your life. It’s taken time and lots and lots of setbacks, but I have finally gotten there. My hope is that you will read this and realize that you should not waste any more of your time, your energy, your emotions, your finances, JUST LET GO! I’d love to say, oh there is hope and they can get better, but yep as many will tell you on this site unless they really, really want it and work damn hard at it, it’s not likely going to happen and you will be left heartbroken over and over again. Yep you absolutely have to look within yourself and figure out what makes YOU put yourself in these awful situations again and again. You need to learn to love yourself because no woman who loves herself would willingly put herself in this kind of situation over and over again. You can try to justify it and tell yourself that you are a savior and you are being selfless but nope, you just have to realize how to fall in love with yourself, you need to look around you and see all the great things in your life and stop sabotaging your own happiness. I know that very destructive feeling of wanting to be loved and thinking if I save this man, it will save me and we will live happily ever after. SAVE YOURSELF and leave behind anyone that doesn’t value you. Recognize when someone isn’t valuing you. When A is sober he can say the most beautiful things, he can make me feel so loved and desired but it never lasts and actions speak way louder than words. 6 months apart, 4 failed attempts to see one another, hurtful words and actions that destroy any good, yep it’s time.
I never, ever thought there would be a day I’d be able to block those numbers and not only feel ok about it, but feel empowered by it. I know for him, he won’t take it seriously, in fact he probably doesn’t even realize I blocked him and surely he’ll think, she isn’t the girl that would just stop talking to me and chap me on my birthday, but I don’t think he ever even really knew me, I was very lost for a long time and now, I’m finding myself again and that girl would never allow a man like that in her life! Nothing felt better than driving to work today acknowledging that I have a great life and I am a good person and I have all the opportunity in the world to make it even better. I do not need that in my life. It does get better, so rip the band aid, don’t waste another second of your beautiful life, believe me, you don’t NEED them, you will be perfectly fine and one day read back through all the stuff you posted and be like, WTF who was that person, thank god she took a hike!
Best wishes to all!
I hate to admit that after all the BS he put me through and after all the progress I was making, I allowed them back in my life because A was sober again. And when he is sober, all feels right in the world and somehow I very naively convince myself that it's going to stick this time and I have my man back. He purchased a ticket for me to come see him on his birthday this Wednesday. Although I was still very hesitant well I choose to get all optimistic and dreamy eyed again believing that he was changing for the better, for real this time. STUPID, SILLY, WEAK me!!!!
Knowing that his birthday is coming up and he was doing so well and his new court date was coming up (and I don't see how he won't be sentenced to something!) I thought, well, let's go be together and reconnect before he is locked away for a while. I thought no matter what happens, I’ll get to see him while he is sober and then have that space to really figure things out. Yeah I wanted to feel all the fireworks again, I was in la la land believing that he had hit his rock bottom and there was nowhere to go but up!
Once again I laid out my boundaries and once again he crossed them and so very nonchalantly. A knows his best friend is no good for him, knows he is a trigger, knows that the best friend does not have his best interest in mind. The agreement was stay sober and no running off with the bad influence of a best friend. I begged, cried and pleaded but A choose to hang out with him all weekend and relapsed. Worse part was he couldn’t understand why I was so upset, implied that I was an insecure, controlling bitch that didn’t want him to have friends and a life. Oh man. Just like that it goes from, you’re the best thing that ever happened to me and I am ready to change my life and there is no way in hell I’ll mess up this chance to see each other to, “I’m a jezebel” (who even uses that word, lol) and a *****, a crazy bitch and he really doesn’t care that I won’t come now.
So what is the point of this post other than to admit my weakness and obvious lack of self-love, well it’s for any girl who might be going through the same nasty cycle that I have been going through for far too long. To tell you that there will come a day where you will be completely fed up and enough is enough. That you will be able to block them without feeling guilt or fear or loneliness or the feeling of being unlovable, etc. You will eventually tire of it, you will eventually start to realize you can get yourself back and you do not need this in your life. It’s taken time and lots and lots of setbacks, but I have finally gotten there. My hope is that you will read this and realize that you should not waste any more of your time, your energy, your emotions, your finances, JUST LET GO! I’d love to say, oh there is hope and they can get better, but yep as many will tell you on this site unless they really, really want it and work damn hard at it, it’s not likely going to happen and you will be left heartbroken over and over again. Yep you absolutely have to look within yourself and figure out what makes YOU put yourself in these awful situations again and again. You need to learn to love yourself because no woman who loves herself would willingly put herself in this kind of situation over and over again. You can try to justify it and tell yourself that you are a savior and you are being selfless but nope, you just have to realize how to fall in love with yourself, you need to look around you and see all the great things in your life and stop sabotaging your own happiness. I know that very destructive feeling of wanting to be loved and thinking if I save this man, it will save me and we will live happily ever after. SAVE YOURSELF and leave behind anyone that doesn’t value you. Recognize when someone isn’t valuing you. When A is sober he can say the most beautiful things, he can make me feel so loved and desired but it never lasts and actions speak way louder than words. 6 months apart, 4 failed attempts to see one another, hurtful words and actions that destroy any good, yep it’s time.
I never, ever thought there would be a day I’d be able to block those numbers and not only feel ok about it, but feel empowered by it. I know for him, he won’t take it seriously, in fact he probably doesn’t even realize I blocked him and surely he’ll think, she isn’t the girl that would just stop talking to me and chap me on my birthday, but I don’t think he ever even really knew me, I was very lost for a long time and now, I’m finding myself again and that girl would never allow a man like that in her life! Nothing felt better than driving to work today acknowledging that I have a great life and I am a good person and I have all the opportunity in the world to make it even better. I do not need that in my life. It does get better, so rip the band aid, don’t waste another second of your beautiful life, believe me, you don’t NEED them, you will be perfectly fine and one day read back through all the stuff you posted and be like, WTF who was that person, thank god she took a hike!
Best wishes to all!
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Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
what a great post!
Nothing felt better than driving to work today acknowledging that I have a great life and I am a good person and I have all the opportunity in the world to make it even better.
Nothing felt better than driving to work today acknowledging that I have a great life and I am a good person and I have all the opportunity in the world to make it even better.
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