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Old 03-20-2015, 10:21 AM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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Ducky, I just read my post again about the lupus. I am really sorry if it came across as insensitive. It does sound like that. I really am very sensitive towards auto immune illnesses.

My daughter also tells me she has celiac disease, yet eats gluten whenever she wants to. When she wants things she is bedridden until she gets them. Last time she wanted one of those number beds. She got it, and she was fine. This time she wanted work done in the house, she got her way, now she is fine again.

I believe she has a lot of medical issues, but I think stress in her marriage is the biggest cause of it. She is married to someone who could be earning $150,000 or more a year, but he won't work because he gambles online. He says thats his job.

I really do feel that the temper tantrums may be an act just to get attention. She lays in bed moaning when she doesn't feel well, asking the kids to do everything for her, while he sits at his computer 16 hours a day gambling.

I feel like my hands are tied and can't do anything, because if I try, she will cut me right out. I can't call cps, tell them what? Mommy is in bed all day, and daddy is on the computer all day and the kids are being emotionally neglected?

So she started to feel better and now she is arranging all this visits with people so she can stay 2 or 3 days, and not bring the kids with her.

So, I don't know. I think that I will tell her that perhaps the temper tantrums are a way to look for attention and perhaps since she is feeling better, that she might be better off spending time with the kids, then visiting me, and perhaps she can visit me with the kids when they are on vacation from school.

Do you think this may be the right thing to do?
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Old 03-20-2015, 10:22 AM
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I do think it's the right thing to do in my opinion.

Let me add, she won't like hearing that b/c you are suggesting she put the focus on the kids, not her. She is trying to get attention for HER.

Just my .02

XXX
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Old 03-20-2015, 10:24 AM
  # 23 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Refiner View Post
Is this unusual even if she was feeling ok? My hinky meter went off reading this for some reason... like she wants something from you.

Your hinky meter is right. I don't know what it is this time, but she usually only calls me, takes my calls or visits me, when she wants something.

I didn't want to put that in there, because I didn't want biased replies. Thank You.

amy
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Old 03-20-2015, 10:25 AM
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Yikes. Sounds like she's in over her head due to "life". I agree with your ideas of saying she should be spending time with the kids now that she's well and to visit when they can come too. Watch how quick her plans will change lol.
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Old 03-20-2015, 10:37 AM
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Example of my daughter. 2 years ago she called me in a panic from her friends house, she said her husband had threatened suicide. This was about a month after the Las Vegas attempt. I asked her if she had the kids with her, and if she called 911.

She told me she asked the kids, at that time 5 and 7 to come with her, they told her no, so she left them at home, and that she was going to watch a movie now with her friend, and she would call me the next day. I told her to call 911 or I would and that she better get home and get those kids, that you never leave kids alone with someone who is suicidal.

She went home and called me back, told me everything was fine and that he was just joking.

I am going to tell her she should spend time with her kids, and perhaps get them back into therapy. I really don't care how she takes it. I've done it before, she only stopped talking to me for a month that time.
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Old 03-20-2015, 10:38 AM
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I never got anywhere with telling others what to do.
Maybe consider "I" statements that convey what you want and are comfortable with.
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Old 03-20-2015, 10:39 AM
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As someone with three autoimmune disorders myself (Crohn's, Adenomyosis, and Fibromyalgia), I try to lean on the side of the patient. However, my bs meter is reading high on her tales. We don't go around parading our conditions for the sympathy vote. I will mention if I've been sick or that I do indeed have Inflammatory Bowel Disease, but it's to raise awareness (not seek sympathy) of a set of diseases people would generally prefer to stuff back into the dark (my kids love it that we can talk about poop at the dinner table, so I'm winning there). I've been tested for lupus and thyroid problems because I have some symptoms that don't fit my conditions, but that's the thing about AI's- there's no real cookie cutter guideline for them. As far as the celiac thing... a person with true celiac will avoid gluten like it's poison. Sounds like someone has a case of the Look at Me's. I'm sorry, Amy. People like that are so emotionally draining. (((Hugs)))
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Old 03-20-2015, 10:43 AM
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I have a 4 yr. old and 13 yr. old who would go a month w/out bathing if I let them. 11 yr. old needs no prodding but has not always been that way. I extended the shower head with 2 ft. of sprinkler pipe when the older ones were smaller to get them to shower. It worked well as they considered it "their shower". Whatever works....
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Old 03-20-2015, 11:23 AM
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Grits, hugs! It is a bugger dealing with these things, isn't it?

Ironic about Celiac because I never identified with it until recently. I'm starting to understand how many different ways it can express itself. And why would anyone with celiac crave gluten-loaded foods? Can You Be Addicted to Gluten? I realize it would appear to makes no sense whatsoever that I would crave the very foods that hurt me.

DS8 and I are often a neurotic mess when we've had certain foods. Yes, an outburst or meltdown over bathing has happened before. Or over a sock not feeling right. Or someone said something that we take completely wrong. Sometimes we want nothing to do with those foods, other times we crave them.

Gluten-brain connection
Nature Clinical Practice Neurology | A case of celiac disease mimicking amyotrophic lateral sclerosis | Article

What it really comes down to, imo, is that she is on her own journey.It does sound like she has a lot of issues. Amy, please consider how best to take care of yourself first. You are important, and whatever crisis your daughter is going through or creating is her own load to carry. May you find peace in your own life.
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Old 03-20-2015, 12:01 PM
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^^^ Interesting links. Thank you!
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