Seek and you shall find.....
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: atlanta, ga
Posts: 3,581
Pink I am awfully sorry for how you are feeling. I get not wanting to make phone calls and such.
There are a lot of people on this board that care about you. There is also a lot of education about how to dig out of the situation you are in.
Please keep in mind that the student loan people want their money. If you don't work, they don't get it. While they may have attached something to your license at the end of the day my guess is they will do what is necessary in order for you to return to a job so you can start paying them. It probably just takes a phone call to start that rolling.
I don't have to reiterate that your husband is abusive I think you know that. he complains that you don't work yet he won't fix your car so you CAN work. Hmmmm. Why in the world you would be concerned about him having enough income to pay for what he needs while he leaves you there stranded with no food is something to ponder.
I am hoping your brothers will help you out. I wish you would reconsider going to a shelter where they have not only necessities, but also counselors that will help you with things like getting your license back in order. Maybe this is something that they would do for you anyway have you spoken with them about it?
There are a lot of people on this board that care about you. There is also a lot of education about how to dig out of the situation you are in.
Please keep in mind that the student loan people want their money. If you don't work, they don't get it. While they may have attached something to your license at the end of the day my guess is they will do what is necessary in order for you to return to a job so you can start paying them. It probably just takes a phone call to start that rolling.
I don't have to reiterate that your husband is abusive I think you know that. he complains that you don't work yet he won't fix your car so you CAN work. Hmmmm. Why in the world you would be concerned about him having enough income to pay for what he needs while he leaves you there stranded with no food is something to ponder.
I am hoping your brothers will help you out. I wish you would reconsider going to a shelter where they have not only necessities, but also counselors that will help you with things like getting your license back in order. Maybe this is something that they would do for you anyway have you spoken with them about it?
Member
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 2,393
A man in my state who confined his wife as his sexual slave just got only 2 years in prison. In the article they stated and I quote "one of the core tenants of the crime of DV is to make the victim feel isolated and helpless".
Member
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 3,443
Oh pink. I'm sorry you are stranded there and feel so stuck. It does not seem possible to me that you can stay in that situation until graduation 
. Know that you are in my thoughts and I pray for your safety and strength to walk this difficult path.
Maybe your daughter can stay with a friend these last three months so she can finish in her school and you can get into town. That is somewhat common around here for various reasons because I also live in a very rural area.
. Know that you are in my thoughts and I pray for your safety and strength to walk this difficult path. Maybe your daughter can stay with a friend these last three months so she can finish in her school and you can get into town. That is somewhat common around here for various reasons because I also live in a very rural area.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 13,497
Pink, I am wondering if you can call someone such as your county crisis center, mental health board, or welfare office and tell them your situation? There are sometimes just the right people who care, who can maybe help you get your car running, run you out some groceries, or advise you on how to plan for your future. You are only as trapped as you settle for, dear one. I know it must be so depressing, but you have to fight.. do not go down passively.
and it does not matter what he is going to do, as far as checking his phone. You can probably admit, he has already proven to be someone who is not safe. He is not thinking of you, not one bit, except maybe to bring you left overs, as he knows he is not bringing groceries home.
This is a situation that no one would do well in Pink. trust your instincts, and have faith enough to make calls, reach out. call anyone, police, local welfare office, anyone. do something besides checking his phone...that just keeps you spinning in circles and thinking of him. time to forget him girly, and plan for you.
local goodwill...they sometimes help people with vehicles.
hugs. get creative. get your power back sweetie.
and it does not matter what he is going to do, as far as checking his phone. You can probably admit, he has already proven to be someone who is not safe. He is not thinking of you, not one bit, except maybe to bring you left overs, as he knows he is not bringing groceries home.
This is a situation that no one would do well in Pink. trust your instincts, and have faith enough to make calls, reach out. call anyone, police, local welfare office, anyone. do something besides checking his phone...that just keeps you spinning in circles and thinking of him. time to forget him girly, and plan for you.
local goodwill...they sometimes help people with vehicles.
hugs. get creative. get your power back sweetie.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Kentucky
Posts: 306
Originally Posted by happybeingme 
Pink, I am greatly disturbed that you have no food. What happens when your daughter gets home? Is she expected to go hungry as well? You need to do something now! You say you can't but you can and you should. You are just as guilty of neglecting your daughter as your husband if you allow her to go without food.
You needn't wait for her to graduate to leave. Pull her out of school and home school her these last months and get to the shelter now. It's where you will be going in the end anyway, right?
You needn't wait for her to graduate to leave. Pull her out of school and home school her these last months and get to the shelter now. It's where you will be going in the end anyway, right?
I'm NOT pulling her out of school when she has 3 months left of her senior year, that is not acceptable and would do her more harm than good.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Kentucky
Posts: 306
Originally Posted by Earthworm
Don't nurses make good money?
What do the student loans have to do with the Board of Nursing?
What do the student loans have to do with the Board of Nursing?
Anytime you have an occupational license from the state, your student loan lender can make a complaint against your license if you fall too far behind paying your student loan payments......
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Kentucky
Posts: 306
Originally Posted by Thumper
Oh pink. I'm sorry you are stranded there and feel so stuck. It does not seem possible to me that you can stay in that situation until graduation . Know that you are in my thoughts and I pray for your safety and strength to walk this difficult path.
Maybe your daughter can stay with a friend these last three months so she can finish in her school and you can get into town. That is somewhat common around here for various reasons because I also live in a very rural area.
. Know that you are in my thoughts and I pray for your safety and strength to walk this difficult path. Maybe your daughter can stay with a friend these last three months so she can finish in her school and you can get into town. That is somewhat common around here for various reasons because I also live in a very rural area.
She does stay at their homes a lot though, most weekends she is gone and some week nights too.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: atlanta, ga
Posts: 3,581
Originally Posted by pinkpeony
I've asked the parents of her good friends and they all had various reasons for saying no.
She does stay at their homes a lot though, most weekends she is gone and some week nights too.
She does stay at their homes a lot though, most weekends she is gone and some week nights too.
I'd like to hear others thoughts on it, but have you shared with the parents that you all are living with an alcoholic and the predicament you are in?
Have you also been completely transparent with the DV shelters regarding your husband stranding you with no transportation, no food and no money? There may be a way for you to apply for some kind of emergency state assistance.
aboutdone
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: midwest
Posts: 191
This will be the opposite direction of most posts, but here is what worked for ME in nearly the same situation.
Step 1. I am powerless over him & my life has become unmanageable.
Only focus on you, & what you can control.
Focus on HP. You have an exit plan 3 months away? Do everything you can to build YOU up. The more you do for you the stronger and more appealing you become.
In your situation, I knew I had to be rid of him to find sanity for me. I just knew it. I was full of anxiety & snooped looking for yes validation, but I finally had to just self examine. My options were to be the best me and find acceptance in that, and forgiveness and acceptance of him & his behaviors.
I prayed for a job, and got a good one handed to me. I prayed for help and God sent me a long lost cousin with 3 weeks of food to feed my kids. I prayed to find happiness within me and to be restored to sanity. I lost 34 lbs. I joined a gym. I smiled at the world & the world smiled back. I started going to church and took my kids with me.
ultimately, I let go & let God.
This transformation was in the last 8 weeks. My RAXH was off the charts & I was right there with him. I kicked him out, and within days begged him to come back. I wanted him back, but I wanted him back as a respectful husband father in our lives, and had to accept that was not going to happen.
You know what happened? He moved back in 2 weeks ago. He goes to church with me and bible study. I go to AA with him. We meet with Pastor weekly. We work our programs and we are learning together for a change.
My RAXH was on numerous dating sites, and porn sites. He was a dry drunk. He was dating other women. I feel my transformation pulled him in. My prayers for him pulled him in. My example of life as I now wanted it to be was driven by my desire to escape the insanity. I won't say I don't feel insecure at times. I won't say I am not a codie. I won't say I don't have doubts at times. But I do know I have no control over what he chooses to do, but I refuse to ever give him a reason again to be able to put the blame on me. As long as I LOVE God first & me second and be accepting and forgiving toward all of Gods creations I stay in my own business and not RAXH. He doesn't have to ever amswer to me, he has to answer to God and somedays I am soooo thankful that is his cross to bare, not mine.
Step 1. I am powerless over him & my life has become unmanageable.
Only focus on you, & what you can control.
Focus on HP. You have an exit plan 3 months away? Do everything you can to build YOU up. The more you do for you the stronger and more appealing you become.
In your situation, I knew I had to be rid of him to find sanity for me. I just knew it. I was full of anxiety & snooped looking for yes validation, but I finally had to just self examine. My options were to be the best me and find acceptance in that, and forgiveness and acceptance of him & his behaviors.
I prayed for a job, and got a good one handed to me. I prayed for help and God sent me a long lost cousin with 3 weeks of food to feed my kids. I prayed to find happiness within me and to be restored to sanity. I lost 34 lbs. I joined a gym. I smiled at the world & the world smiled back. I started going to church and took my kids with me.
ultimately, I let go & let God.
This transformation was in the last 8 weeks. My RAXH was off the charts & I was right there with him. I kicked him out, and within days begged him to come back. I wanted him back, but I wanted him back as a respectful husband father in our lives, and had to accept that was not going to happen.
You know what happened? He moved back in 2 weeks ago. He goes to church with me and bible study. I go to AA with him. We meet with Pastor weekly. We work our programs and we are learning together for a change.
My RAXH was on numerous dating sites, and porn sites. He was a dry drunk. He was dating other women. I feel my transformation pulled him in. My prayers for him pulled him in. My example of life as I now wanted it to be was driven by my desire to escape the insanity. I won't say I don't feel insecure at times. I won't say I am not a codie. I won't say I don't have doubts at times. But I do know I have no control over what he chooses to do, but I refuse to ever give him a reason again to be able to put the blame on me. As long as I LOVE God first & me second and be accepting and forgiving toward all of Gods creations I stay in my own business and not RAXH. He doesn't have to ever amswer to me, he has to answer to God and somedays I am soooo thankful that is his cross to bare, not mine.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Kentucky
Posts: 306
Originally Posted by redatlanta
I'd like to hear others thoughts on it, but have you shared with the parents that you all are living with an alcoholic and the predicament you are in?
Have you also been completely transparent with the DV shelters regarding your husband stranding you with no transportation, no food and no money? There may be a way for you to apply for some kind of emergency state assistance.
Have you also been completely transparent with the DV shelters regarding your husband stranding you with no transportation, no food and no money? There may be a way for you to apply for some kind of emergency state assistance.
I have a roof over my head, he buys groceries and medicine I need, there isn't physical abuse other than occasionally throwing small things at me when drunk and ranting. So my case isn't seen as an emergency.
Maybe it makes a difference that I live in a small rural area where a whole lot of the population (most of them?) are poor and really struggling?
And resources are spread very thinly?
I don't know.
Which is why I'd have to go to the city/new county for shelter help/resources....
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Kentucky
Posts: 306
Originally Posted by aboutdone
This will be the opposite direction of most posts, but here is what worked for ME in nearly the same situation.
Step 1. I am powerless over him & my life has become unmanageable.
Only focus on you, & what you can control.
Focus on HP. You have an exit plan 3 months away? Do everything you can to build YOU up. The more you do for you the stronger and more appealing you become.
In your situation, I knew I had to be rid of him to find sanity for me. I just knew it. I was full of anxiety & snooped looking for yes validation, but I finally had to just self examine. My options were to be the best me and find acceptance in that, and forgiveness and acceptance of him & his behaviors.
I prayed for a job, and got a good one handed to me. I prayed for help and God sent me a long lost cousin with 3 weeks of food to feed my kids. I prayed to find happiness within me and to be restored to sanity. I lost 34 lbs. I joined a gym. I smiled at the world & the world smiled back. I started going to church and took my kids with me.
ultimately, I let go & let God.
This transformation was in the last 8 weeks. My RAXH was off the charts & I was right there with him. I kicked him out, and within days begged him to come back. I wanted him back, but I wanted him back as a respectful husband father in our lives, and had to accept that was not going to happen.
You know what happened? He moved back in 2 weeks ago. He goes to church with me and bible study. I go to AA with him. We meet with Pastor weekly. We work our programs and we are learning together for a change.
My RAXH was on numerous dating sites, and porn sites. He was a dry drunk. He was dating other women. I feel my transformation pulled him in. My prayers for him pulled him in. My example of life as I now wanted it to be was driven by my desire to escape the insanity. I won't say I don't feel insecure at times. I won't say I am not a codie. I won't say I don't have doubts at times. But I do know I have no control over what he chooses to do, but I refuse to ever give him a reason again to be able to put the blame on me. As long as I LOVE God first & me second and be accepting and forgiving toward all of Gods creations I stay in my own business and not RAXH. He doesn't have to ever amswer to me, he has to answer to God and somedays I am soooo thankful that is his cross to bare, not mine.
Step 1. I am powerless over him & my life has become unmanageable.
Only focus on you, & what you can control.
Focus on HP. You have an exit plan 3 months away? Do everything you can to build YOU up. The more you do for you the stronger and more appealing you become.
In your situation, I knew I had to be rid of him to find sanity for me. I just knew it. I was full of anxiety & snooped looking for yes validation, but I finally had to just self examine. My options were to be the best me and find acceptance in that, and forgiveness and acceptance of him & his behaviors.
I prayed for a job, and got a good one handed to me. I prayed for help and God sent me a long lost cousin with 3 weeks of food to feed my kids. I prayed to find happiness within me and to be restored to sanity. I lost 34 lbs. I joined a gym. I smiled at the world & the world smiled back. I started going to church and took my kids with me.
ultimately, I let go & let God.
This transformation was in the last 8 weeks. My RAXH was off the charts & I was right there with him. I kicked him out, and within days begged him to come back. I wanted him back, but I wanted him back as a respectful husband father in our lives, and had to accept that was not going to happen.
You know what happened? He moved back in 2 weeks ago. He goes to church with me and bible study. I go to AA with him. We meet with Pastor weekly. We work our programs and we are learning together for a change.
My RAXH was on numerous dating sites, and porn sites. He was a dry drunk. He was dating other women. I feel my transformation pulled him in. My prayers for him pulled him in. My example of life as I now wanted it to be was driven by my desire to escape the insanity. I won't say I don't feel insecure at times. I won't say I am not a codie. I won't say I don't have doubts at times. But I do know I have no control over what he chooses to do, but I refuse to ever give him a reason again to be able to put the blame on me. As long as I LOVE God first & me second and be accepting and forgiving toward all of Gods creations I stay in my own business and not RAXH. He doesn't have to ever amswer to me, he has to answer to God and somedays I am soooo thankful that is his cross to bare, not mine.
I too, need to be rid of him for my sanity. Absolutely.
I've been praying hard for months. Months. I don't even know what to pray for anymore. So far, there have been no movements from God. In fact. the situation has gotten worse, but maybe it's all in his timing.
I have given it all up to God but I've also been really struggling with faith and God the past months too. This has been a really trying time with my faith and beliefs.
I am under no illusions that AH and I could EVER be together again. Wayyyy too much damage done, no way to come back from everything that has been said and done.
Our marriage has been going down the tubes for years, I've been finding out about multiple special girl friends over and over for the past 7-8 years.
We've been separated before for 1-2 years at a time and I've always taken him back.
No more.
I could NEVER EVER trust him again.
He's put me in a place I never thought I'd be in.
I have no idea who this man is. More importantly I have no idea who I am any longer. Who I am now is not who I've been, this has all changed me terribly.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Alaska
Posts: 223
I skipped to the bottom of this thread and apologize if this was addressed, but I wanted to mention that contacting your state senator or representative (or assemblyman--not sure how KY works) may be helpful in navigating through the Licensing board case. They should have contacts within the department that issues licensing that can clear somethings up for you. They won't (and shouldn't) have influence over the outcome, but I have found they are a good source of assistance.
Here's a link for how to find who represents you: Find Your Legislator
Hope this helps. This is how it works in AK so I hope this actually is helpful there.
Here's a link for how to find who represents you: Find Your Legislator
Hope this helps. This is how it works in AK so I hope this actually is helpful there.
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