I'm back, unfortunately
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2015
Posts: 3
I'm back, unfortunately
Can't figure out my old password bc it's attached to my old email.
I posted here a few times about my AH five years ago under the screen name scaredtochange. I was going to link to the three posts I made that told my story, but I can't because apparently my post count is not high enough. If someone searches for scaredtochange and links my content (its only 3 or 4 things threads posted by me), it would be much appreciated.
...So, I never left AH because shortly after that last post was written five years ago, he found timestamped pictures I'd been taking of his alcohol stash for months. He asked me what they were and I said "dated pictures of your drinking." Just flat out. He didn't ask me to expound, we both just looked at each other with this understanding that I was leaving and using the pictures to support my sole custody of our then-2-month old baby.
He stopped drinking that night.
I know the signs, everything. I mean he didn't even LOOK at alcohol for 5 years.
We had two more kids. Now I have a 5 year old, a 3 year old, and a 6 month old.
He's still on suboxone for maintenance, and takes it correctly. I watch him. He has urinalysis at his doctor each month to ensure he's taking no other drugs with it.
Sooo.... I'm not working anymore, I stay home with the kids. He was working weekends for a couple of years, but quit a month ago because we're moving out of state in May. So he does nothing.
And I mean nothing. But lately, he started sleeping late again. Like as late as he used to -- 2 or 3 in the afternoon. And I thought I noticed the taste of alcohol when I kissed him a couple of times recently but it was faint and I forgot about it.
When I wake up to take the kids to school, the garage smells like smoke, like he''d just been in there smoking. Which tells me he must be staying up till at least 6 in the morning. He sleeps out on the couch and I'm in our room with the baby.
Something feels unsettlingly familiar about all these recent developments.
But here's the most alarming one. This one is of a more personal nature... but two nights back to back we were intimate and the first of the two nights he interacted with me like he did a long time ago back when he was drinking. It was really out of character, he had moves he hadn't used in years. Was more verbal. Definitely tasted like alcohol, although faint again. I think I surprised him because I had been in our room for 3 hours before I came out and it was really late.
The very next night, I had not been to bed yet so I was with him in the living room. Things started, and they were back like they are normally. Closed off, reserved, not verbal, more typical behavior for him. No alcohol taste.
I think he's drinking late at night and hiding it.
Can't confront him bc I'm not sure.
Awesome.
So I'm back.
I posted here a few times about my AH five years ago under the screen name scaredtochange. I was going to link to the three posts I made that told my story, but I can't because apparently my post count is not high enough. If someone searches for scaredtochange and links my content (its only 3 or 4 things threads posted by me), it would be much appreciated.
...So, I never left AH because shortly after that last post was written five years ago, he found timestamped pictures I'd been taking of his alcohol stash for months. He asked me what they were and I said "dated pictures of your drinking." Just flat out. He didn't ask me to expound, we both just looked at each other with this understanding that I was leaving and using the pictures to support my sole custody of our then-2-month old baby.
He stopped drinking that night.
I know the signs, everything. I mean he didn't even LOOK at alcohol for 5 years.
We had two more kids. Now I have a 5 year old, a 3 year old, and a 6 month old.
He's still on suboxone for maintenance, and takes it correctly. I watch him. He has urinalysis at his doctor each month to ensure he's taking no other drugs with it.
Sooo.... I'm not working anymore, I stay home with the kids. He was working weekends for a couple of years, but quit a month ago because we're moving out of state in May. So he does nothing.
And I mean nothing. But lately, he started sleeping late again. Like as late as he used to -- 2 or 3 in the afternoon. And I thought I noticed the taste of alcohol when I kissed him a couple of times recently but it was faint and I forgot about it.
When I wake up to take the kids to school, the garage smells like smoke, like he''d just been in there smoking. Which tells me he must be staying up till at least 6 in the morning. He sleeps out on the couch and I'm in our room with the baby.
Something feels unsettlingly familiar about all these recent developments.
But here's the most alarming one. This one is of a more personal nature... but two nights back to back we were intimate and the first of the two nights he interacted with me like he did a long time ago back when he was drinking. It was really out of character, he had moves he hadn't used in years. Was more verbal. Definitely tasted like alcohol, although faint again. I think I surprised him because I had been in our room for 3 hours before I came out and it was really late.
The very next night, I had not been to bed yet so I was with him in the living room. Things started, and they were back like they are normally. Closed off, reserved, not verbal, more typical behavior for him. No alcohol taste.
I think he's drinking late at night and hiding it.
Can't confront him bc I'm not sure.
Awesome.
So I'm back.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2004
Posts: 135
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Iowa
Posts: 3,050
I think you know the truth. What do you hope to achieve with a confrontation? Maybe like last time that when faced with "evidence" he will just quit again?
What do you have to lose by talking with him? If he's drinking and neither of you is working, this is going to go downhill fast, and you have three young kids to think about. What kind of support system do you have? Are you near family who might be able to help you out?
What do you have to lose by talking with him? If he's drinking and neither of you is working, this is going to go downhill fast, and you have three young kids to think about. What kind of support system do you have? Are you near family who might be able to help you out?
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: South Central USA
Posts: 1,478
Believe your gut until proved otherwise. I've made the mistake of not trusting myself for years. My gut was always correct.
I hope you have a support group, and if you don't, I hope you get one.
It doesn't hurt to have plans in place. Plans in place don't mean you have to use them, but should there come a time you need to then at least you'll have it together and not feel quite so lost.
So sorry...hugs.
I hope you have a support group, and if you don't, I hope you get one.
It doesn't hurt to have plans in place. Plans in place don't mean you have to use them, but should there come a time you need to then at least you'll have it together and not feel quite so lost.
So sorry...hugs.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2014
Posts: 190
Sorry to hear! Maybe approaching the conversation from a point of view of concern (I see these behaviours and I am worried about you?), and providing resources he might find useful?
Not making excuses at all, but stress does often trigger people. Moving? Quitting a job?
Seems like it all makes sense to me. I would be trusting your gut instinct here.
Do what you need to do to stay safe. Worry about you and your kids first. Then deal with him with as much distance as you can. Don't ride the coaster with him, but maybe point out that you see him riding it and you're worried for yourself, and for him? (Am I off base here?)
Not making excuses at all, but stress does often trigger people. Moving? Quitting a job?
Seems like it all makes sense to me. I would be trusting your gut instinct here.
Do what you need to do to stay safe. Worry about you and your kids first. Then deal with him with as much distance as you can. Don't ride the coaster with him, but maybe point out that you see him riding it and you're worried for yourself, and for him? (Am I off base here?)
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Australia
Posts: 11,351
Hi there . I see no harm in taking him to task from the very first time you thought you tasted the alcohol on him. Each time he gets away with thinking you have not noticed , he will feel he has dodged a bullet & get gamer.
You have 3 little ones at stake here.
Trust your intuition , deep down you know you are right. I would have confronted him either during or directly after your intimate encounters & commented on his ' new moves ' .
What have you got to lose ? .....everything!
This needs to be addressed now before it gets a hold, which it already may have by now. It only takes that one drink.
I would approach him NOW & explain to him how proud you are of him for giving up alcohol for 5 years for the love of his family & ask him if there is anything he needs to tell you.
Let him know you will support him only if he is willing to get help.
You obviously love each other & your kids . Be honest , be real. Hit him with the facts .
I really wish you all well I know you can get through this
Much love xxxxxx
You have 3 little ones at stake here.
Trust your intuition , deep down you know you are right. I would have confronted him either during or directly after your intimate encounters & commented on his ' new moves ' .
What have you got to lose ? .....everything!
This needs to be addressed now before it gets a hold, which it already may have by now. It only takes that one drink.
I would approach him NOW & explain to him how proud you are of him for giving up alcohol for 5 years for the love of his family & ask him if there is anything he needs to tell you.
Let him know you will support him only if he is willing to get help.
You obviously love each other & your kids . Be honest , be real. Hit him with the facts .
I really wish you all well I know you can get through this
Much love xxxxxx
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
Ugh, I am so sorry.
I too say trust your gut. My X has certain behaviors he exhibits that I can recognize that he has drank, even a small amount.
I would say if your gut is telling you it's off, it's off.
XXX
I too say trust your gut. My X has certain behaviors he exhibits that I can recognize that he has drank, even a small amount.
I would say if your gut is telling you it's off, it's off.
XXX
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