seasaw

Last spring, when I was transferring my AM's affairs to a third party, she totaled her car (and someone else's) while driving under the influence.

So this morning I wake up to this (friendly enough) voicemail:

'Hello seasaw, I'm calling from ABC autobody. We have been storing your mom's vehicle since June and there is a sizeable bill that needs to get paid. All attempts to contact her have failed. At this point we need her to either pay the bill or sign over the title to us, or we'll need to take it to small claims.'

If i text her to pass this along she will find a way to blame me.

If i call the autobody place to give them her current number it might stave off a court situation.

If i do anything i am involving myself in her life which i shouldnt do right?!?!

gettingstronger

You're in a tough spot. If it were me, I'd delete the voicemail and go about my own business. It's really not your problem at all.

Good luck, whichever route you take, and forgive yourself either way. You didn't cause her situation.

LexieCat

Why not pass it along to that "third party" who's supposed to be taking care of her stuff?

Has she moved/changed her number? If not, she presumably knows and is ignoring the issue. Her problem, not yours. If she HAS moved or changed her number you could pass along the info to the garage so she has a chance to deal with it if she chooses to.

AnybodyNobody

Hi seasaw - IMO you are right on track with your last comment/question - don't do a darn thing. Erase the voicemail and forget about it. If they take her to small claims, that's not your problem, right? You wouldn't be involved in the court situation in any way? That would be the only reason I would say to call them back with her number, if somehow you would be on the hook if it came to small claims. Good luck!

rougelily

I don't know what the best way to handle this is but when I was going through my divorce my ex decided to stop paying his student loans. Since I had the same last name and (unfortunately) the same address as him, they found my unlisted home number and called me to collect. I kindly called them back and said "We are divorced. I have no idea where he is. Please remove from your list." I disconnected my home number when I moved and I got a few letters here and there. I wrote "scumbag not at this address--ever." and put them back in the mail. After a few months they stopped calling me. I have no idea if he ever paid as I made a point to change my cell number and never wanted to see his face again.

I guess the best thing to do is probably give them the third party person number and walk away. As others said, its not your problem. At least this way you can feel okay knowing you didn't just let something bad happen. Even though its probably what she deserves.

seasaw

For those who havent seen - i've been NC from this woman since last July

rougelily

If you feel fine with ignoring it, that is probably best. You have been NC with her for a while, this might bring her back in your life. Not worth it. I would walk away if you are able to. Let her deal with the consequences of her actions. She probably has either a) used every bit of money she has for booze or b) not cared about her car because she can't drive anyway.

seasaw

Hi Lexie - She fired the third party last month.

She has changed her number, so presumably she thinks her wrecked car has been taken care of by magic fairies all this time.

seasaw

Thanks for this feedback. I will call them and explain that I have no contact or relationship with her any more. Maybe I will give them her number?

I DO NOT want to have any contact with her, I know it would just lead to more drama and hardship. I do feel sympathy - I know that her life is just spinning so far out of control - and I know it is not my fault.

I know it is not my job to give her a heads up. Maybe to protect myself in some way I will return their call.

Hate ittttt.

APPRECIATE SR SOOOO MUCH!

gettingstronger

Those "magic fairies". They just do everything, don't they?

LexieCat

In that case, I'd just ignore it, unless you need to stay on good terms with the auto repair place, in which case you can call them and say you're not in contact with your mom, and to please deal with the car and the bill in whatever way they feel is appropriate.

seasaw

It's amazing what the magic fairies can do! She puts off everything and then when something blows up into her face she gets right into "OH MY GOD LOOK WHAT IS HAPPENING TO ME NOW" mode.


Ok, called the auto body shop. The guy was very understanding. I said I'd love to help him but that the only thing I could do was give him her current number, as I haven't been in touch with her since July. He took that, asked for her mailing address, I explained that she can't get mail because she stopped paying for her PO Box.

I told him if he had called just a couple weeks ago he could have gone through the 3rd party that was handling her affairs, but she just fired them. I gave him their contact number, too.

Out of my hands now, I hope!

Thank you so much for helping me think this through, and affirming that it's not my problem/that I don't need to feel guilt about it.

Gonnachange

Well played. It's not your problem.

ajarlson

I think I would have deleted the voice mail and gone about my business. But I am in non-confrontation mode right now LOL

hopeful4

Ignore and delete....

fluffyflea

If you have been no contact since last July if you do anything it may bring her back into your life.

Think about it before you do anything".......

seasaw

Which I fully support!!!!!