Dumped and devestated
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,917
Sounds like he's a binge drinker. Binge drinkers can go days, weeks, sometimes even months without drinking; but, when they do drink, they cannot control it. Just because a person doesn't drink for several days does not mean they are not addicted to alcohol. Most binge drinkers end up drinking more and more often. Alcoholism is a progressive disease. It never gets better without help.
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,917
Whether it's a disease or not (some believe it is, some believe it's not), it is a situation that he can recover from if he wants to. He can find help if he wants it and never drink again. If he is unwilling to do that, which it sounds like he is, then he will continue to suffer the effects.
If someone with cancer treated me the way he has treated you, I would remove them from my life. Having a disease does not excuse unacceptable behavior. Unacceptable behavior is unacceptable, period.
If someone with cancer treated me the way he has treated you, I would remove them from my life. Having a disease does not excuse unacceptable behavior. Unacceptable behavior is unacceptable, period.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 2,163
Key word YET
It's just a matter of time before he gets popped for a DUI, or his work/job is compromised by his drinking.
Spent five years with XA. The first three were not bad, but by the beginning of the fourth year, the blackouts started, and they escalated. It got to the point were the only sober time we had was a few hours in the morning, and then the cycle would repeat. ( and now I know he was not of sober mind back then, but somewhat coherent to carry on a half azz conversation)
After three years of being apart, I let him back into my life, and for the first time he actually admitted their was a problem, On his own, he was looking for recovery options, yep, yep yep, he was finally going to turn his life around, and be the man he always wanted to be. ( his words, not mine)
Well that lasted 8-12 weeks, and he ran off for a couple of months with some hot new babe he had met, and of course that did not work, so at the end of August he has the nerve, ( no brain, but lots of nerve) to try and get back together.
Currently I am alittle over 30 days of no contact, it truly does hurt, but i am willing to feel uncomfortable now because I know he does not love, or respect me, he claims he does, but his actions say the opposite.
I am not investing any more of me into someone who cannot value himself enough to get his sh*t together.
You will be ok charis, the only way I know to get thru this, is go no contact, no phone calls, no texts, no emails, no smoke signals.
Find yourself a new hobby, get a pet, spend time with friends and family, do whatever it takes to get him out of your mind, he simply is not the one.
Love does not feel like you currently do, there is nothing about this that is healthy, productive, or lasting. the two of you shared a moment in time, and now that time has ended. Time for you to get back to living your life, and heal both physically and mentally.
Hugs to you.!!!
It's just a matter of time before he gets popped for a DUI, or his work/job is compromised by his drinking.
Spent five years with XA. The first three were not bad, but by the beginning of the fourth year, the blackouts started, and they escalated. It got to the point were the only sober time we had was a few hours in the morning, and then the cycle would repeat. ( and now I know he was not of sober mind back then, but somewhat coherent to carry on a half azz conversation)
After three years of being apart, I let him back into my life, and for the first time he actually admitted their was a problem, On his own, he was looking for recovery options, yep, yep yep, he was finally going to turn his life around, and be the man he always wanted to be. ( his words, not mine)
Well that lasted 8-12 weeks, and he ran off for a couple of months with some hot new babe he had met, and of course that did not work, so at the end of August he has the nerve, ( no brain, but lots of nerve) to try and get back together.
Currently I am alittle over 30 days of no contact, it truly does hurt, but i am willing to feel uncomfortable now because I know he does not love, or respect me, he claims he does, but his actions say the opposite.
I am not investing any more of me into someone who cannot value himself enough to get his sh*t together.
You will be ok charis, the only way I know to get thru this, is go no contact, no phone calls, no texts, no emails, no smoke signals.
Find yourself a new hobby, get a pet, spend time with friends and family, do whatever it takes to get him out of your mind, he simply is not the one.
Love does not feel like you currently do, there is nothing about this that is healthy, productive, or lasting. the two of you shared a moment in time, and now that time has ended. Time for you to get back to living your life, and heal both physically and mentally.
Hugs to you.!!!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Mississauga
Posts: 207
I have no choice but to go no contact. He ended it with this email sayi g we weren't right for each other and no amount of counseling will help us. He has ignored any text since so I stopped. I'm pretty sure he will never contact me again. He thinks he can do better and I nag too much
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 85
This is why your post is helpful and we have to keep hearing it. Our good hearts won't stop without the support of people who truly understand how to help us stop engaging. You deserve better, that point is clouded and hard to feel because you have so much going on. Sorry about the hospital stay.
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Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Chicago
Posts: 5,450
Hon, you don't know what he is feeling or how easy it is or isn't. Don't torture yourself this way. Be sad, and grieve what you're missing, but you don't have to make it worse for yourself by filling in the blanks with the worst possible scenario. The sooner you can get your focus off of him and onto yourself the more you will move forward.
I read in your posts an underscore of belief that the only way to be fulfilled and happy is through a relationship with another person. I've found that the most fulfilling relationship I have ever had is with myself, and that building and nurturing that relationship FIRST is the only thing that has made other healthy relationships possible.
I read in your posts an underscore of belief that the only way to be fulfilled and happy is through a relationship with another person. I've found that the most fulfilling relationship I have ever had is with myself, and that building and nurturing that relationship FIRST is the only thing that has made other healthy relationships possible.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 2,163
One thing that has helped me Charis, is I will allow myself to feel sad for 15-20 minutes, and then I must practice some mindful awareness, and move on with my day.
Nobody else is responsible for my well being, peace of mind, and happiness, this is an inside job.
I do agree with sparklekitty, we cannot look to another to fulfill us, we have to live and breath in our own skin, best to make peace with yourself. Time to add value to your own life, and celebrate you, each and every day.
An opportunity for inner growth has presented itself, grab ahold of it, and it may sting for a bit, but I can assure you, something positive will happen if you embrace this challenge.
You are not alone Charis, hang in there.
Nobody else is responsible for my well being, peace of mind, and happiness, this is an inside job.
I do agree with sparklekitty, we cannot look to another to fulfill us, we have to live and breath in our own skin, best to make peace with yourself. Time to add value to your own life, and celebrate you, each and every day.
An opportunity for inner growth has presented itself, grab ahold of it, and it may sting for a bit, but I can assure you, something positive will happen if you embrace this challenge.
You are not alone Charis, hang in there.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 1,099
Originally Posted by SparkleKitty 
Hon, you don't know what he is feeling or how easy it is or isn't. Don't torture yourself this way. Be sad, and grieve what you're missing, but you don't have to make it worse for yourself by filling in the blanks with the worst possible scenario. The sooner you can get your focus off of him and onto yourself the more you will move forward.
I read in your posts an underscore of belief that the only way to be fulfilled and happy is through a relationship with another person. I've found that the most fulfilling relationship I have ever had is with myself, and that building and nurturing that relationship FIRST is the only thing that has made other healthy relationships possible.
I read in your posts an underscore of belief that the only way to be fulfilled and happy is through a relationship with another person. I've found that the most fulfilling relationship I have ever had is with myself, and that building and nurturing that relationship FIRST is the only thing that has made other healthy relationships possible.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Mississauga
Posts: 207
Was it wrong for me not to drop the fact he didn't come see me for three months? I also got really angrynonce and said I didn't want to live with a drunk selfish ahole in community living the rest of my life anyways. I am starting to feel bad that I let my anger get to that point and shamed, belittled him. I hope he knows I didn't mean it.
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