Timetoheal12

When he told me he didn't loved me anymore I didn't felt this way... But I felt like he played with me. Just two days before he said that he was being really caring.

Then, after 5 months he told me that the real reason why he ended things with me was because he came to see his ex just to talk to her. He said they didn't do anything and that he never cheated on me, but that he felt guilty after seeing her and that was the reason why he broke up with me.
He said he still felt something for me.
So when I asked him if things could work out, he said they couldn't because my parents hated him and because of his drinking and the fact that he still felt hate towards his ex and wasn't over their relationship.

I tried to make him tell me what was the thing he wasn't over with, he said he didn't loved her anymore and that he stopped talking with her because they slept together and right after that he found out she had a boyfriend.



I have a mess in my head right now.
And I do feel rejected, because I tried to make things work but maybe I was being unrealistic and unreasonable.

That's when he said I was too complicated, I always made a problem out of everything and no one could stand someone like me.

Sometimes I wish I never met him.


I have been playing music a lot this days, and even when I think it is a positive thing to do, it makes me think a lot.

I have also been improving myself in the social area because I kind of isolated myself while I was with him... But I am definitely not ready to date.

Would you recommend for me to seek a therapist or to try and improve myself and get past this by myself?
I don't want to become dependent on it, that's why I'm asking Thanks.

Timetoheal12

Someone asked me to go on a date today but I feel very vulnerable and like a bad company for now.
No one would want to be with someone insecure and who isn't over an ex who treated her badly.

I am young so I don't want to lose opportunities and time, but I just simply feel like I can't date anyone right now.

AnvilheadII

then don't. it's not a race. it's not like you have ONLY 12 chances to do on dates and that's it for the rest of your life!!!!

take time to heal. and get whole. learn the lessons.

charis78

Are we dating the same man?

LexieCat

I'd suggest you maybe try Al-Anon first before you spend money on the therapist. It could be you just need some time to heal and get the alcoholic craziness out of your head. I'm not putting down therapy, but feeling down after a breakup is pretty normal, and having a relationship with an alcoholic messes with your head, making it a bit more complicated, but a lot of us are able to get past it without therapy. If you find you need extra help you can still always go that route.

Timetoheal12

If I'm honest, what is being more complicated to me right now is the fact that he switched from "I love you" to (when I asked for explanations) "you are the worst woman ever and I can't stand you, go find someone who will stand you (and insults)".

I bought all the sweet things and then... got knocked in the head with his insults.

I have the feeling that he cheated on me, but I can't know and it is irrelevant.
I guess I just want to find out why he would shift the blame on me so suddenly and badly.






I went today in search for an Al-Anon group. I don't live in America and here they're a little hard to find because it's a little town. However, I found one and I will start going next Saturday.

charis78

Is he drinking when you are talking to him. I don't even bother talking to my ex when he's drinking BC he gets nasty. Also I find anything to do with explaining emotions makes mine irritable

theuncertainty

It might be that, just like you won't know if he cheated, you may never understand why he flipped the switch on you like that either. I wondered how AXH could go from telling me he loved me, and acting like that was the case, to being completely hateful and hurtful. Truth was, what I really wondered was if it was because of something I did or if it was something about me.

But it wasn't because of who I am. It wasn't because of me. It was something to do with _his_ personality and his addiction. He did the same thing to his next GF and he'll do the same thing to the next one... Unless he actively works on recovery and figures out why he treats his 'loved ones' like that and works to change it.

It wasn't you that caused the shift.

Timetoheal12

Actually, my ex seems to be nasty even while sober... so it doesn't matter, I shouldn't talk to him at all.

Timetoheal12

It was (and still is) amazing to me how could he just start saying this was a serious relationship. To me it was, he was attentive and everything was fine. I've got to admit I was worried about his ex. And the first thing he did after I broke up with him was to start contacting her..
But, well....

It lasted for a little more than a year and it ended terribly.

Like you have said, I probably I'm still "looking for ways to blame myself". That's not good.

charis78

He seems very confused. Try not to make sense of it, will just drive you crazy. Someone on here gave good advice about spending only twenty minutes on it a day, which I have found really helpful. I had a similar thing happen to me. Morning wanted to work it out then evening didn't love me anymore ship has sailed. I decided to leave him to his emotional issues bc causes me too much pain. I think it says more about your guy than you if he can be so erratic! Just please don't get pulled in.

I think you would find answers on my thread 'dumped and devestated' helpful

charis78

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ink-about.html