PippiLngstockng

Hi everyone,

Just wanted you to know that I am hearing you. And as ever grateful for your presence and hard-earned wisdom.

I feel like I've been in a free fall. Letting go of the battle of wills between xah and myself. I wonder how I held on for so long.

My lawyer sent in a settlement proposal. I find I care less. I put my trust in this world and all of the lovely people in it to help us find our way now.

In the meantime, there's a whole lot of my story you don't know any more. I am following my intuition, and I wish I could confide in you all. Suffice it to say, I am in love.

The sun is shining brightly here and my heart is open and glad. Each day I feel stronger and watch myself move steadily, confidently forward toward the light.

Thank you, angels.

redatlanta

I guess the only advice I would give you is that "being in love" can sometimes skew our decision making. I think it normal to want to run to the light rather than live in the dark.

I would advise not to do anything rashly. If you have 30 days to decide on the settlement take them all before you decide.

Be sure you protect your future by not remaining on any type of debt with AH including that house. As someone stated here, and as I have stated to you before, that can come back to haunt you in a very terrible way. A divorce decree does not supersede a contract. If AH defaults on the loan they will come to you for the money and care less what the judge said destroying your credit at the same time.

Don't waiver on child support/life insurance while you have minors/college fund.

Best of luck to you. I hope this ends soon.

MissFixit

Hi Pippi,

I agree with Red.

One thing I want to add is that going from being dependent on one man to being dependent on another is a dangerous thing. You might not see it now, but it is like trading one set of problems for another without resolving what in you is attracted to those "problems." Taking dysfunction from one relationship and stuffing it while piling a second set of stuff from another relationship on top. Please don't enter into the dependency you were in before. Just for the sake of setting an example for your kids, be financially independent for their futures and yours.

dandylion

Pippi....it is o.k. to be "in love". No worry.. It will pass, soon enough...LOL.

Just don't make any decisions that will bind you to him in any way. Enter no contracts with him. Live as if you don't need him...and you will avoid harm.

dandylion

CAPTAINZING2000

The lawyers are the only ones that get a fair settlement. The rest of us not so much.
Best of luck on what ever happens

PippiLngstockng

Thank you darlings. I agree.

I noticed with my new friend how much I've grown. I don't need anyone's help carrying my suitcase or parking my big car in a tight space. Or making the hard decisions or running my home.

I also saw that this is the first time I have entered a relationship completely sober, and he is completely sober too. Always. I don't think of myself as having had substance issues in the past...but in retrospect I never was so aware and so completely conscious before. Or cautious. Or honest.

I am adoring having this strength and self knowledge to bring to a relationship. I feel like I am experiencing dimensions of connection that I couldn't when I was younger and more foolish.

I was already so happy and so myself before I met this man. I can share my joy in life with him, but it will remain whether he is with me or not.

I am very blessed to have survived so much because I am able to experience how exquisite the good things in life are and so I am so alive today.

My lawyer thinks xah will probably resist the settlement offer, modest as it is, and this thing will go to trial...I want to be finished!!!

But I accept there are things I can't control, and xah has his own path to walk, and he seems lost, thinking his lawyer's advice is the truth.

Thanks for not yelling at me here.

hopeful4

Pippi, I can only say I wish you the best and I hope your love does not involve a married man. Have a great weekend!

unsureoffuture

Great to hear you are stronger and more positive! Continue taking care of yourself. You deserve the happiness you are finding.

PippiLngstockng

The counter proposal arrived today.

Ew, he's looking pretty horrid. I think he's wanting to cut and run, too. From our whole family. From reality. From any financial responsibility.

To be honest, I have been trying to live as though none of this awfulness were still present in my life as well. Just trying to have joy and peace and good will towards others. Sometimes I feel like I am kind of sticking my fingers in my ears and humming loudly to protect myself from unkindness and strife...

A few of you mentioned that I shouldn't keep my name on the house. My lawyer says this case is going to trial if I don't agree to keeping my name on the mortgage with his for the next 5 years... Ugh.

I don't want my name on the mortgage!!!

MissFixit

Pippi,

Look of for your best interests. Since this disease progresses and he isn't doing well, maybe worse than before...? What do you think the likelihood will be that he will pay the mortgage, taxes and insurance in a timely fashion (or at all) for the next 5 years? People who have nothing to lose do crazy things.

PippiLngstockng

I know...i totally agree...

But if I say 'no' to staying on the mortgage, the mediation effort will fail completely and we'll have to go to trial. Meaning a divorce on the books this winter sometime maybe...

And I have no more money to pay my lawyer. So then the divorce goes to trial in the US, with me beyond broke and no lawyer to represent me in a country far from where I live...

Then what?!

Thank you!!!!!

PippiLngstockng

Btw, the children's therapist and doctor jointly wrote a letter to the judge expressing their concerns for my children/me vis-a-vis xah. The judge ordered the scheduled paternal visit continue this week. But also ask the authorities to investigate...

So, now there's maybe going to be an investigation of xah...

That would make him even more crazy.

This thing never ends!

MissFixit

He has you in a pickle and knows it. Agree to my demands or you will be in an unsustainable situation.

Find out what happens if he defaults on the mortgage with your name on it. Find out legal and financial consequences if you are living abroad. Can they come after your accounts in europe? Since you seem settled there, what are the ramifications for you being a citizen there and having a defaulted loan in the US.

I think you take the option with the most money and least hassle.

PippiLngstockng

Sounds right, Miss FixIt.

Seems like my defense lately is to stop caring because I am badly positioned and I just don't want to deal with xah, lawyers or any of the mess any longer.

My lawyer strongly advises me to stay on the mortgage.

But if he keeps the house, he preserves this vestige from our family's past that keeps the children connected to him in a way I find manipulative and unwell. It's their link to their 'happy childhoods' and he uses it to mess with them.

So that's the other concern...

redatlanta

Pippi why is AH insisting you stay on the mortgage what's his gain here?

wanttobehealthy

I have not seen a cent from my still not officially xAH in MANY months. Because he contributes nothing my kids get state health insurance, free lunch, we get food stamps.

It has been humiliating to have to take hand outs basically but accepting that he will NOT support his kids in any way (financially, emotionally etc) and not letting it consume me anymore to hope or ask the court to make him (bc he has mastered the art of being in contempt and knowing that courts dont give a **** and its just a game of drag things out longer and longer) has been freeing.

I am willing to agree to just about anything to have this all be done-- anything EXCEPT negotiating on the kids safety... He is asking for 50/50 custody still-- meanwhile he is not allowed overnights, nor can he drive them but he keeps asking for hearings to reconsider and my state presumes 50/50 unless there is state proven child abuse/neglect or a parent is incarcerated so he shockingly has a leg to stand on.

In any event, if I had custody resolved and all that we fouhgt over was $ I would PAY him to leave me be and be happy to get nothing from him.

maia1234

Hey CO'D'S the only thing that we have to look forward to is if you were married long enough you will inherit some of his social security, it's the law.. We all know they won't live very long. WE GET THE LAST LAUGH.

I can't believe you are talking about this. I just finished with our mediation and I took nothing of his pay also. I wasn't going to tell anyone because normies would not understand. You need to just get out for your sanity. I went to a divorce seminar and talked to a high power attorney. She agreed with me that I just got out.. my husband probably won't have a job In a year anyway..

When I sent my final OK on the divorce papers I told the attorney and my husband that I am walking out of this 34 year relationship with my head held high, my respect and dignity. (It's a shame he can't say the same)

sosadandhurt

Sometimes you just have to leave it all in God's hands. He will provide, even thought it looks scary now, you will be surprised where you can go. Material possession are not what you need. Just have faith in yourself and your HP. Hugs to you.

AnvilheadII

I cannot imagine your attorney suggesting you remain ON the mortgage...for FIVE YEARS????...that exposes you to tremendous financial RISK. all HE has to do is stop making payments, and then they come after YOU. that makes no sense. none. divorce is a process that separates the parties, determines how assets are distributed, what debts belong to whom. if your AH is as unstable as you say he is then remaining financially liable is just crazy.

Thumper

Can he not refinance the mortgage into his name only? Why would he even want your name on it - unless he can't refinance - that would mean you keep it together or it is sold? What is supposed to happen at the end of 5 years?

I'm just curious. You don't have to answer. I'm sorry this is dragging out so miserably long.