Anxiety

Old 10-09-2014, 06:01 AM
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Anxiety

I'm at the airport waiting to board my flight and the anxiety I'm feeling is really intense. I'm just going to visit family out of state for a long weekend, RAH is staying home. It's not like I have never flown before, in fact I fly at least once a year but thus anxiety is ridiculous. I used to be so strong and fearless , but that was before alcoholism entered my world.

I worry about everything! Will my flight be late, will I be stuck in a middle seat? Will there be no more overhead storage and have to check my carry on? Maybe I will catch frigging Ebola!!!!

I don't understand how I came to be this way. I know it's all so ridiculous but I can't stop just the same. Has anyone else experienced "alcoholism induced anxiety" (for lack of better terminology).
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Old 10-09-2014, 06:13 AM
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Your nerves are probably raw and need a break. Occasionally I get an unexplained adrenal dump into my system -- I can feel it happening and it's awful.

Breathe deeply and be extra kind to yourself! Don't worry about worrying -- lots of normies worry about flying. Maybe you're just getting old.
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Old 10-09-2014, 06:17 AM
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So, are you talking about your drinking or dealing with someone else who's drinking is impacting you? (Just curious, this is posted in Friends and Family of Alcoholics.)

Regardless, it is good advice always to try to stay in the moment. Be here now. Deep breathing.

I love to people watch in airports. I'm not much of a flyer either, but it has to be done sometimes.

The ebola thing? This is why I don't watch TV news or read newspapers. It's all about fear and tragedy.
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Old 10-09-2014, 06:27 AM
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take a step back, let the muscles relax and enjoy your flight
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Old 10-09-2014, 06:48 AM
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Hopeful are you concerned about your RAH potentially relapsing while you are gone?
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Old 10-09-2014, 07:02 AM
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Florence, that's what I'm afraid of...getting old. Thanks for making me laugh.
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Old 10-09-2014, 07:04 AM
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Good advice Bimini, thank you. I was referring to my rah, I'm not an alcoholic.
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Old 10-09-2014, 07:09 AM
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Sparklekitty in the past yes, relapse and or excessive bingeing have been big concerns, but I don't feel worried about him this time. Well I didn't think I was, maybe that's the underlying problem.
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Old 10-09-2014, 07:13 AM
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Originally Posted by HopefulinFLA View Post
Sparklekitty in the past yes, relapse and or excessive bingeing have been big concerns, but I don't feel worried about him this time. Well I didn't think I was, maybe that's the underlying problem.
Sometimes I will worry about ANYTHING other than the thing I don't want to admit I am worrying about. Just something to consider, not suggesting you have cause for concern.

FWIW, I hate traveling, so I go through the same stuff. I love being other places, but I sure hate getting there. It's the other people at airports that drive me batty -- so many people believing that inconveniences and discomfort are ONLY happening to them! My husband helps me through these moments of anxiety by quietly poking fun at the really bad ones, helps me forget that I was worried. Crossword puzzles, word searches, books -- anything that gets me out of my spinning head makes a tremendous difference.
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Old 10-09-2014, 07:13 AM
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I used to be so strong and fearless , but that was before alcoholism entered my world.
Hopeful, I can relate to this. I was unbreakable before my alcoholic marriage, and after it, I was broken. It was as if the reality of evil (or bad things or pain or whatever word you want to use) had entered my world. And once it had been there, I was no longer unbreakable. I had felt it and I knew it could return. And then I started fearing it everywhere.

I didn't know what anxiety was before I met AXH. And it's hard to admit how much the marriage affected me. That it really changed me and turned me into a person I no longer recognized.

I'm working on becoming "me" again. It won't be the same me as before the alcoholic marriage. It will be a more cautious, more suspicious me. But I refuse to live the rest of my life in fear of the other shoe dropping. That's what it feels like to me. I can't pinpoint what "the other shoe dropping" would be -- but I keep worrying about it. And like you're describing, it's usually things that aren't really that big of a deal (well, except ebola, that would be a big deal).

One thing I try to do when I get anxious about something is to rationally consider it. One: What is the worst thing that can happen if you have to check your carry-on (that's a big worry for me too when I travel, I know it sounds silly)? You have to take out a few things and then check the bag. Presto, done. Two: What are the chances, really, of what you're worrying about happening? Ebola? Well, last count, I believe there are four identified cases in the US. You're probably more likely to be hit by a comet than to catch ebola.

But sometimes that reasoning doesn't help me because what I think I'm anxious about isn't really what I'm anxious about.

Here's how it works: Your body produces hormones that make you feel anxious. For whatever reason. Your brain then goes "hey, you're feeling anxious, body -- let me look around and see if I can determine what the reason is for being anxious. No saber tooth tigers. Nobody threatening your life. Oh, but look -- there's a garbage can over there. I bet that's a really DANGEROUS garbage can. Yep. I'll decide that the GARBAGE CAN is a deadly threat and you should be REALLY anxious about it being there."

The brain looks for something to "hang" your feelings on. They did studies about this in the 60s, before it was deemed unethical, with college student volunteers. They'd close them in a room with ONE item -- a Coke can, a chair, a writing pad -- and then flood their system with anxiety inducing hormones (adrenaline and cortisol). In every single case, the test person became convinced that that ONE object was out to kill them and they needed to get away from it.

I love that story because it sort of puts my anxiety in perspective. If you're being chased by a saber tooth tiger, it makes perfect sense to be anxious (and to run like hell, or something). But most of the time, my anxiety is not caused by anything dangerous -- my mind just finds something to attach the feelings to.

So I'm wondering if SparkleKitty's question is the real one here: Is your anxiety really about your RAH relapsing while you're gone, and you're attaching that anxiety to a bunch of other things because you know you don't have any control over what he does?

I hope you got on that flight fine and that your anxiety died down. (((hugs)))
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Old 10-09-2014, 07:32 AM
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Thanks for the pep talk lillamy , that really helped. I am a very logical person and your explanation if anxiety makes perfect sense. Actually made me feel a little better too!

In the past when I've traveled alone rah has relapsed or binged heavily. He would not call or answer my calls for days leaving me to worry about him, our house, the pets etc. The longer he was uncommunicative the worse I imagined things to be. He's working a pretty awesome recovery program now and has told me if his plans to stay busy while I am gone. I really did not think I was concerned about him but maybe I am having some kind of habitual anxiety. ?? If that's even possible. Maybe traveling alone is a trigger of some kind.
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Old 10-09-2014, 07:32 AM
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Ditto all of the above..... raw nerves, adrenal exhaustion, all that goo that comes from living in an extended flight or fight mode..... it did me in & I felt similar to what you are describing.

Has your RAH relapsed during previous trips? Perhaps those memories are also triggering you emotionally even if you feel differently about it all now vs. before. (i.e. stronger in your recovery now, less concerned about his decisions, etc.) Even after I wasn't concerned about RAH relapsing during my work business trips, it still made me super anxious to go to my conferences for that next year or so. Just packing for the trip was enough to start that stressed out feeling churning in my system.
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Old 10-09-2014, 07:51 AM
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maybe I am having some kind of habitual anxiety. ??
That sounds very likely to me. Know how you can have knee-jerk reactions to sounds, smells, etc., that remind you of a traumatic situation? This might be similar.
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Old 10-09-2014, 08:14 AM
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I had the same thing happen to me...I went back "home" for vacation to Florida with the kids...but it was while I was knee-deep in dealings with AW, with many things pending and unresolved. I had an absolutely horrible time...I was anxious, nervous, couldn't enjoy myself doing anything while there.
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Old 10-09-2014, 08:22 AM
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The brain looks for something to "hang" your feelings on. They did studies about this in the 60s, before it was deemed unethical, with college student volunteers. They'd close them in a room with ONE item -- a Coke can, a chair, a writing pad -- and then flood their system with anxiety inducing hormones (adrenaline and cortisol). In every single case, the test person became convinced that that ONE object was out to kill them and they needed to get away from it.

I love that story because it sort of puts my anxiety in perspective. If you're being chased by a saber tooth tiger, it makes perfect sense to be anxious (and to run like hell, or something). But most of the time, my anxiety is not caused by anything dangerous -- my mind just finds something to attach the feelings to.
Ooooh! Depression works the same way. Your brain hangs your physiological feelings on one reason -- had a bad mother, traumatic experience, nobody loves me -- and will do so whether or not it's rational or makes sense. Cognitive behavioral counseling can help put this into perspective after the traumas are behind us and the anxiety lives on.
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Old 10-09-2014, 11:14 AM
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I'm just going to visit family out of state for a long weekend, RAH is staying home

are you worried what he might do during your absence????
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Old 10-09-2014, 12:01 PM
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Anvil it looks like I probably even though i thought not. Takes time to build that trust again I suppose.
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Old 10-14-2014, 06:37 AM
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I made it home in one piece and had a great time with family. RAH didn't relapse, I didn't catch Ebola (chuckle chuckle), my plane didn't crash, the airline didn't lose my bags, all went well.

Thanks everyone for your insightful posts, you've given me a lot to think about. Yes, I think my anxiety had nothing at all to do with flying, and everything to do with my previous trips away with out RAH. He told me last night that in the past, me being out of town was like a hall pass for him to binge, but this time he was able to easily dismiss those thoughts (hooray for recovery programs!). I guess on some level I already knew this and that is exactly where my anxiety was stemming from, and as someone pointed out, I was hanging those feelings on flying because I didn't want to admit to myself the true source of my jitters. Although I've come a long way in my own recovery, I just didn't know how much work I still needed to do until it was tested like this. It's very easy to tell myself I'm not going to worry about what he does until I'm put in a situation like this. Progress not perfection!

Thanks for helping me work through this. You guys are the best! xoxo
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