Refiner

Congratulations! It sounds like you've come a long way and have a paper trail if needed now!

Fandy

But don't you think you are supposing yourself into paralysis? You seem to project things you *think*will happen, but they haven't actually occurred. 8 years ago there was very much less technology we all depended on, you may be dwelling on this because it is all you keep replaying. The outcome can be opposite.
Like I said, you know your situation best, but you might try to look outside the old thoughts. The future could be opposite of what he did 8 years ago.
God forbid you are not here suddenly, are your daughters going to support him?.

FeelingGreat

Hi Chic, I'm glad your D is emailing him because you could use some backup. I hate to think of you handling this on your own.
I may be way off, but possibly the lack of internet is bringing him to a point of crisis, as intended, so you would expect him to ramp up his displays of anger (fear). This may be a time when he is receptive to outside advice, because you've demonstrated you will follow through.
Just a thought, but should YOU write him a letter? Something along the lines of you are getting older, your budget is at breaking point, you have provided him with a home but the time has come for him to support himself, starting with making certain contributions to the household (I think you mentioned food stamps at one stage) and with the goal of him moving out within a ---month period. Even as I type this, I think this is the sort of thing that should go through mental health providers.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but in the past if you have stopped focusing on him, and explained your predicament, he has been slightly calmer. Empathy only goes so far, so it would be put in terms of, 'I'm in this situation, this is my plan of action, this is where you fit in. It's not all about you, it's because I urgently need to sort out my finances and future.'

Impurrfect

Chic - I had some major episodes of violence in my home, not too many years ago. I didn't post here as I knew what I'd be told, that they were right, but I was not going to call the cops or Bratkin unless they laid one hand on me. Something that got through their anger and alcohol with Bratkin.

You are stronger than I, as you did post. I have told people "call the cops" and I knew I should, but no one else was walking in my shoes. It is frustrating for everyone, including you, as we all want to see you safe. You have come a long way, and you will continue taking baby steps.

Just stay safe and keep your phone with you at all times. As far as when he called you that horrible name, I would have said "you will not talk to me like that in my house. You need to leave until you calm down". It's not kicking him out, it's just setting another boundary. As for me, because I was in dad's house, I installed extra locks on my bedroom doors and, surprisingly, that was enough. I'd also true the TV up full blast until everyone shut up. There were times I did leave for a while.

Love, hugs and prayers,

Amy

chicory

I am here taking baby steps , so I can stop enabling my son. I have done some improving. but if its not enough for anyone, please ignore my thread. I need support not criticism.

LoveMeNow

I am sorry Chicory that you are in such pain. However, IMO, most addicts/alcoholics have some kind of underlying mental illness and there many, many mothers and fathers here on SR who have had to make the painful decision of making their child leave their home and face homelessness.

Just keep doing what you think is best. None of this is easy Chic.

chicory

I remember that , Amy. I know it must have been very stressful. You knew them though, and knew your situation... no one else can know all the details, and tell you what is right or wrong. Only to be smart and careful.
NO, I am not stronger. I am just unwise sometimes. lol.I know you want me safe. ... so do I. Things have calmed down a lot and we had a talk today. He seems to have been jogged a bit. At least he cannot ignore me now... he cannot escape into the internet as he did. I really don't even want to say much, as I don't want to sound stupid to those who are waiting for it...lol

will do Amy. Perhaps the police being here sobered him a bit...he sure isn't acting out as he did. he had been drinking the night before last, when he got so nasty. glad I have counseling wednesday. love ya girl.

chicory

I know that is true, LMN. And it may happen here as well, eventually.

thank you.

Impurrfect

I have been Chic (though not with a child, just someone else who had problems). I was her for decades. I've lost friends who got tired of me not " getting it", luckily just regained one of those friendships after about 20 years.

Sometimes I forget the person I used to be. I can share MY ES&H, but I can't fix anyone. The one thing I can do is support babybsteps or I can step away from a thread when I have nothing else to offer.

Chic - you've been terrified of turning off the Internet and though you can still do your email and get on SR, your son is "cut off". That was a huge step and it was also an eye opener as to how he's handled it. Good for you!

I only pray that we each find a way to find serenity and peace, no matter what is going on with our loved ones.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

chicory

(((Amy))) yep, I didn't think I could do it... I knew I had to , but was just so dreading it. He has been addicted to it since he was about 10 years old! isolating, and not doing more to become independent. I wish I could escape into cyberspace sometimes.....

Ann

Chic, sending more hugs and prayers. I have been where you are and I know how much it hurts. Keep praying and the answers will appear.

Hugs

chicory

Went to counseling today. She offered to see son free of charge, a few times. He seems to be willing to do so.

He went job application hunting today... came home and filled them out and we took them in. I guess sitting around bored isn't as much fun .
Therapist seems to think that things could have turned out worse. I sure hope he will go and that she will give me her opinion of what may be going on.

of course, confidentiality will be honored. she is a good person, and I am grateful that I am going to her.

I am ignoring any fussing about the internet. He will have to pay for it, if he wants it.
thanks for reading.
long day. news in the world is depressing.

Fandy

Your therapist sounds great, I am glad you found her, I'm hoping she can steer through the insurance snafus.
You might want to contact your cable provider and find out why you still have some Internet access when you specifically cancelled, only because they won't stop charging you if you can still use it?

Ann

Chic, I see this as real progress. It's a start at least, and hopefully he will be inspired enough to see it through.

Cutting him off the computer was a good thing, I think. Now that he has to find things to do, it seems he is more cooperative.

Keeping you both in my prayers.

Live

That's great, Chicory!!!!

So very glad for you & son!

chicory

Thanks everyone. I am not getting excited, but am trying to keep moving forward.
Thank you for the prayers and encouragement.

FireSprite

Chic, have I ever shared this favorite quote with you?

"Courage does not always roar. Sometimes it is a quiet voice at the end of the day, saying..... I will try again tomorrow." ~Mary Anne Radmacher

chicory

I love that... thank you . soo much. i needed that today.

hugs

dandylion

chicory.....to my eyes...I see improvement that didn't look possible to you even 2 months ago!!

What a wonderfully generous offer on the part of your counselor! That deserves mention on the gratitude list, in my book.....

There are some good people in this world.

dandylion

**any mention of a support group...?

Hevyn

Very relieved to see you'll have some additional help with this. I hope it lessens your anxiety to have someone else involved. Love you chic.