Alcoholic going to a concert?
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Colorado
Posts: 3,474
Live The Message
I would go and be my usual 'put up or shut up' self. I would not drink before or during the Concert.
For me, it's a little disingenuous to pitch the message 'Hey, Honey, you can enjoy Life without Alcohol', and then go to a Concert and have to drink. Sure, it's an option. But, is it an option that has to be exercised that evening? A mixed message there, and perhaps not the intended one on a visceral level.
One-on-one, I would let my Spouse know in advance that I won't be drinking; solely with the intent of being proactively supportive. If she would take advantage of you remaining Sober during the evening [I've been the DD in the past quite easily], and drinks because your're suddenly an alternate DD, a larger objective has been achieved. You'll see first hand how she's coping with Recovery. None of this will be a bummer of an unexpected surprise because you will have managed and processed up front the several possible outcomes. For me, this would allow me to enjoy the Concert without the futile effort of attempting to control the behavior of someone else. Go. Detach. Enjoy.
For me, it's a little disingenuous to pitch the message 'Hey, Honey, you can enjoy Life without Alcohol', and then go to a Concert and have to drink. Sure, it's an option. But, is it an option that has to be exercised that evening? A mixed message there, and perhaps not the intended one on a visceral level.
One-on-one, I would let my Spouse know in advance that I won't be drinking; solely with the intent of being proactively supportive. If she would take advantage of you remaining Sober during the evening [I've been the DD in the past quite easily], and drinks because your're suddenly an alternate DD, a larger objective has been achieved. You'll see first hand how she's coping with Recovery. None of this will be a bummer of an unexpected surprise because you will have managed and processed up front the several possible outcomes. For me, this would allow me to enjoy the Concert without the futile effort of attempting to control the behavior of someone else. Go. Detach. Enjoy.
Behold the power of NO
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: WA
Posts: 7,764
I would just go and if she starts acting stupid or angry I would move to another part of the concert and leave her to her own misery.
Why should you deprive yourself from going to the concert and enjoying the show?
Go and if she acts out, remove yourself physically so you can keep enjoying yourself.
Why should you deprive yourself from going to the concert and enjoying the show?
Go and if she acts out, remove yourself physically so you can keep enjoying yourself.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Midwest, USA
Posts: 129
Thanks everyone for the helpful perspectives. I've ruminated about this for far too long- certainly 3000% more than my AW has given any thought- which was not at all.
and you know what conclusion I've come to? Screw it!! I'm going and going to have a good time. She can go with us.. fine, whatever. I'm tired of being the codie and trying to figure out what I should do (for HER benefit)... even got to the point of thinking about not going myself, because I was thinking it would be too uncomfortable- for her. Again- SCREW it!
The main reason for coming to this decision? well, it was visiting relatives house the other evening for dinner. My AW- who has gone through hell and and back physically and states she's "good" now- brought along a Gatorade bottle, spike with vodka.
I'm done.
and you know what conclusion I've come to? Screw it!! I'm going and going to have a good time. She can go with us.. fine, whatever. I'm tired of being the codie and trying to figure out what I should do (for HER benefit)... even got to the point of thinking about not going myself, because I was thinking it would be too uncomfortable- for her. Again- SCREW it!
The main reason for coming to this decision? well, it was visiting relatives house the other evening for dinner. My AW- who has gone through hell and and back physically and states she's "good" now- brought along a Gatorade bottle, spike with vodka.
I'm done.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 2,582
Originally Posted by Woodman123 
Thanks everyone for the helpful perspectives. I've ruminated about this for far too long- certainly 3000% more than my AW has given any thought- which was not at all.
and you know what conclusion I've come to? Screw it!! I'm going and going to have a good time. She can go with us.. fine, whatever. I'm tired of being the codie and trying to figure out what I should do (for HER benefit)... even got to the point of thinking about not going myself, because I was thinking it would be too uncomfortable- for her. Again- SCREW it!
The main reason for coming to this decision? well, it was visiting relatives house the other evening for dinner. My AW- who has gone through hell and and back physically and states she's "good" now- brought along a Gatorade bottle, spike with vodka.
I'm done.
and you know what conclusion I've come to? Screw it!! I'm going and going to have a good time. She can go with us.. fine, whatever. I'm tired of being the codie and trying to figure out what I should do (for HER benefit)... even got to the point of thinking about not going myself, because I was thinking it would be too uncomfortable- for her. Again- SCREW it!
The main reason for coming to this decision? well, it was visiting relatives house the other evening for dinner. My AW- who has gone through hell and and back physically and states she's "good" now- brought along a Gatorade bottle, spike with vodka.
I'm done.
Yep. Still drinking. Surprise.
That's great you are going. Have a blast. One suggestion, tell your friends beforehand about her drinking (if they are unaware of her condition and are good friends paying for your tickets, they deserve to at least have a heads up) and have a ride that doesn't depend on her sobriety.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Midwest, USA
Posts: 129
Originally Posted by MissFixit
Yep. Still drinking. Surprise.
That's great you are going. Have a blast. One suggestion, tell your friends beforehand about her drinking (if they are unaware of her condition and are good friends paying for your tickets, they deserve to at least have a heads up) and have a ride that doesn't depend on her sobriety.
That's great you are going. Have a blast. One suggestion, tell your friends beforehand about her drinking (if they are unaware of her condition and are good friends paying for your tickets, they deserve to at least have a heads up) and have a ride that doesn't depend on her sobriety.
But yes, there will be another designated driver, just in case!
Peace, Love, Sobriety
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Wilmington, DE
Posts: 1,549
Originally Posted by Woodman123
I don't feel it's my right, or responsibility, to tell her she cannot go. So, should I just not try to 'manage' this and let her be the driver and let things be as they will be? Thanks for any guidance here.
I wish you both the best of luck and I hope you enjoy your concert. Don't fret too much. Just have a backup plan in case things do not go well.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Midwest, USA
Posts: 129
Concert Post-Mortem: My wife seemed fine as we were loading up the van with the other 2 couples. Got there and parked. We're sitting outside the vehicle eating- some were drinking beers- water for my wife and I (or at least I thought), when 30 minutes in my AW was trashed. She must have chugged something right before leaving the house. Long story short, I drove her back to her apartment in my neighbors vehicle. Missed the concert altogether.
The day after is when I had the dissolution papers notarized (for me).
The day after is when I had the dissolution papers notarized (for me).
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
