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Alcoholic going to a concert?

Old 07-01-2014, 08:33 AM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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Live The Message

I would go and be my usual 'put up or shut up' self. I would not drink before or during the Concert.

For me, it's a little disingenuous to pitch the message 'Hey, Honey, you can enjoy Life without Alcohol', and then go to a Concert and have to drink. Sure, it's an option. But, is it an option that has to be exercised that evening? A mixed message there, and perhaps not the intended one on a visceral level.

One-on-one, I would let my Spouse know in advance that I won't be drinking; solely with the intent of being proactively supportive. If she would take advantage of you remaining Sober during the evening [I've been the DD in the past quite easily], and drinks because your're suddenly an alternate DD, a larger objective has been achieved. You'll see first hand how she's coping with Recovery. None of this will be a bummer of an unexpected surprise because you will have managed and processed up front the several possible outcomes. For me, this would allow me to enjoy the Concert without the futile effort of attempting to control the behavior of someone else. Go. Detach. Enjoy.
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Old 07-01-2014, 08:43 AM
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I would just go and if she starts acting stupid or angry I would move to another part of the concert and leave her to her own misery.
Why should you deprive yourself from going to the concert and enjoying the show?
Go and if she acts out, remove yourself physically so you can keep enjoying yourself.
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Old 07-03-2014, 06:13 PM
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I'm getting a bit confused here. Is this woman his wife or ex-wife? I'm seeing her being referred to as both
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Old 07-03-2014, 06:22 PM
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They are newly separated. A little of both.
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Old 07-07-2014, 09:50 AM
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Thanks everyone for the helpful perspectives. I've ruminated about this for far too long- certainly 3000% more than my AW has given any thought- which was not at all.

and you know what conclusion I've come to? Screw it!! I'm going and going to have a good time. She can go with us.. fine, whatever. I'm tired of being the codie and trying to figure out what I should do (for HER benefit)... even got to the point of thinking about not going myself, because I was thinking it would be too uncomfortable- for her. Again- SCREW it!

The main reason for coming to this decision? well, it was visiting relatives house the other evening for dinner. My AW- who has gone through hell and and back physically and states she's "good" now- brought along a Gatorade bottle, spike with vodka.

I'm done.
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Old 07-07-2014, 10:08 AM
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oh, and sorry for the illogical mathematics (to you, Hammer!)... 3000% x 'zero' = well, zero. OK, so maybe she thought about going for a minute or two...
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Old 07-07-2014, 10:14 AM
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Originally Posted by Woodman123 View Post
Thanks everyone for the helpful perspectives. I've ruminated about this for far too long- certainly 3000% more than my AW has given any thought- which was not at all.

and you know what conclusion I've come to? Screw it!! I'm going and going to have a good time. She can go with us.. fine, whatever. I'm tired of being the codie and trying to figure out what I should do (for HER benefit)... even got to the point of thinking about not going myself, because I was thinking it would be too uncomfortable- for her. Again- SCREW it!

The main reason for coming to this decision? well, it was visiting relatives house the other evening for dinner. My AW- who has gone through hell and and back physically and states she's "good" now- brought along a Gatorade bottle, spike with vodka.

I'm done.

Yep. Still drinking. Surprise.

That's great you are going. Have a blast. One suggestion, tell your friends beforehand about her drinking (if they are unaware of her condition and are good friends paying for your tickets, they deserve to at least have a heads up) and have a ride that doesn't depend on her sobriety.
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Old 07-07-2014, 10:27 AM
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Originally Posted by MissFixit View Post
Yep. Still drinking. Surprise.

That's great you are going. Have a blast. One suggestion, tell your friends beforehand about her drinking (if they are unaware of her condition and are good friends paying for your tickets, they deserve to at least have a heads up) and have a ride that doesn't depend on her sobriety.
Yep- they are aware. I am paying my way, but they invited us. I did ask them candidly about their comfort with this, and they are fine. Turns out there will be other folks going as well, so not just us four, which lessens the awkwardness. That said, I'm sure they will all be drinking something- I again recommended to my wife this is not a situation she should put herself in- not so much the immediate company, but the entire atmosphere. Her call- not mine.

But yes, there will be another designated driver, just in case!
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Old 07-07-2014, 10:32 AM
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I hope you have a BLAST!!!!
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Old 07-08-2014, 06:49 AM
  # 30 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Woodman123 View Post
I don't feel it's my right, or responsibility, to tell her she cannot go. So, should I just not try to 'manage' this and let her be the driver and let things be as they will be? Thanks for any guidance here.
Yes. You are absolutely right here. You have to just let the situation pan out. You can't predict what will happen. If she is really serious about her recovery she will be able to get through this sober. Speaking as an alcoholic myself, I have attended many rock concerts in sobriety and if anything they have made me feel more confident, because I see all those other people getting wasted and fighting and doing stupid things that I don't have to do any more.

I wish you both the best of luck and I hope you enjoy your concert. Don't fret too much. Just have a backup plan in case things do not go well.
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Old 07-11-2014, 06:03 AM
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Concert Post-Mortem: My wife seemed fine as we were loading up the van with the other 2 couples. Got there and parked. We're sitting outside the vehicle eating- some were drinking beers- water for my wife and I (or at least I thought), when 30 minutes in my AW was trashed. She must have chugged something right before leaving the house. Long story short, I drove her back to her apartment in my neighbors vehicle. Missed the concert altogether.

The day after is when I had the dissolution papers notarized (for me).
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Old 07-11-2014, 06:23 AM
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I'm sorry Woodman. I know that is not the outcome you had hoped for. It's time to move forward.

XXX
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Old 07-11-2014, 06:30 AM
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I'm so sorry Woodman. ((((hugs))))
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Old 07-11-2014, 06:43 AM
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Welp, at least this was the catalyst to you moving on to something better. Better luck next time.
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Old 07-11-2014, 06:54 AM
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So sorry things didn't go as planned. But now you don't have to wonder anymore, the truth was definitely front and center. Take care of yourself ((hugs))
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Old 07-11-2014, 09:40 AM
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I'm sorry it happened this way, but you've got to do what is best for you.
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