kkallday21

This is my second time around with this guy and of course things ended exactly the same way... Although I know this is best, I'm starting to feel all my emotions and realizing its now officially over... I'm doing my best to keep the focus on myself and giving him to my higher power.. I'm worried he's going to do something- To me, himself, etc... it ended really badly and now that all the chaos is over.. Its dead silence and my mind is everywhere... I'm praying and will do all I can to get through this... I'm grateful my son is down the shore with my parents but I'm wondering how he's gonna handle all this.. He grew close to my ex but I know long term this isn't living for anyone.. it would be more of a constant worry and heartache... I have to protect myself and especially my son.. One day at a time, I guess..

chicory

Keep yourself safe, and focus on the only things that matter..you and your son.
hope you have support from your parents. stay busy, it helps.

best wishes.

meggem

you can do this. Just keep moving forward. Don't look left-right-or back. Just look in front of you. that is what I am doing. Find people that you trust completely and listen to them. Use your brain not your heart and keep posting here. I'm not that far ahead of you. I know what you are feeling but you are doing the right thing.

honeypig

kkallday, welcome to SR. I'm sorry you find yourself in this situation. I'm really concerned that you mentioned that he might "do something" to you. Would something here http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...out-abuse.html be helpful to you? Above all, you need to keep yourself and your child safe if this person is or might be violent. There are folks here who are experienced in this area and I hope they stop by to post. This, in my opinion, is the first and most important thing to take care of.

You also might find some solace in this thread: http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ain-stops.html

Keep coming back, keep reading and posting. So many here have made it thru times like you're in now and come out the other side strong, healthy and happy. You can do it too.

Please keep yourself safe.

kkallday21

Thanks everyone for your kind words and support.. So far, today I am ok… I feel drained, but other than that, I honestly don’t feel anything else but numb.. It’s kinda weird… I went through hell and back again with my son’s father for a decade…It was complete insanity… Thankfully through the grace of God, I found Alanon.. I didn’t have the program in my first addictive relationship, but am so grateful to have it now.. I know that is was the program and God that gave me the courage to realize, this has to end now or I will waste another decade broken and lost.. I think I am ready to rebuild myself and move forward.. With all the emotions I had last night one that I was grateful for was relief… I’m glad this is over, because it was about to get crazy and I’m thankful I found it within me to break away.. I’ve just been praying for God to take me through whatever comes my way and to shield my son from any hurt that may be ahead… I’ve been down this road before and although it was one of the hardest things I ever encountered – I survived and I will survive again.. xoxox

dandylion

KKallday....right now, you have the most essential ingredient of all...the confidence in yourself that you can...and will...face whatever comes.
And, you have faith.

Nobody can take that away from you!!

I just know that you are going to be o.k.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

dandylion

Please hang around.....LOL!