Thanks everyone for the helpful perspectives. I've ruminated about this for far too long- certainly 3000% more than my AW has given any thought- which was not at all.
and you know what conclusion I've come to? Screw it!! I'm going and going to have a good time. She can go with us.. fine, whatever. I'm tired of being the codie and trying to figure out what I should do (for HER benefit)... even got to the point of thinking about not going myself, because I was thinking it would be too uncomfortable- for her. Again- SCREW it!
The main reason for coming to this decision? well, it was visiting relatives house the other evening for dinner. My AW- who has gone through hell and and back physically and states she's "good" now- brought along a Gatorade bottle, spike with vodka.
I'm done.