Blogs


Notices

Perspectives

Old 06-18-2014, 11:45 AM
  # 1 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
lillamy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: right here, right now
Posts: 6,523
Perspectives

Being humbled is a good thing. And while this post is about addiction -- mine -- I think it may fit well into the F&F section.

I've felt self-righteous quite a bit about not being an alcoholic. A bit like that pharisee in the Bible who basically said "thank you, Lord, that I'm not as bad as some people."

So I've been chewing nicotine gum -- not in the prescribed way, I may add, to get free of nicotine, but because, well, nicotine felt like a better way to handle anxiety than prescription anti-anxiety medication. I've quit, relapsed, quit, relapsed, you get the picture. Every time I've hit high stress -- I've thought "I can buy just a pack of 20 to take me through this week"... yeah, right. We all know that's not how addiction works, right?

My husband was pointing out to me that while better than tobacco, nicotine gum is still an addiction, and not healthy, and that he would prefer that I try to drop the bad habit because he really loves me and would like to grow old with me and have a long and healthy life together.

Now, doesn't that sound like every single one of us codies having that first initial talk with our As?

So how did I react, then -- given that I've got 8 years in Al-Anon and have worked a recovery program there, and know how addicts function and how frustrating it is to try to get them to understand that the addiction is bad for them?

I did everything an addict does. I came up with excuses. I told him it was better than Xanax because it was not as addictive. I told him I would try to cut down. (Are you laughing hysterically yet? I am.) And inside, I was seething. Because HOW DARED HE try to take power over my life and manipulate me emotionally by insinuating that I would get sick and not be able to live a long and healthy life with him?

This comes at the same time one of my girlfriends is dealing with an eating disorder. I've been biting my tongue because she refuses to admit that it is something that's bigger than her and that she can't handle on her own. She keeps blaming the media, the culture, if only she wasn't surrounded by unattainable female ideals, she wouldn't have to restrict her eating. She will blame anything and anyone to avoid getting the help she so badly needs.

But me? Yeah, you know, I'm fine. I've got things under control. It's great to be so perfect, you know, and to not be as bad as some people... </sarcasm>

lillamy is offline  
The Following 22 Users Say Thank You to lillamy For This Useful Post:
Carlotta (06-18-2014), CodeJob (06-18-2014), Fathom (06-18-2014), firebolt (06-19-2014), FireSprite (06-18-2014), honeypig (06-18-2014), hopeful4 (06-18-2014), HopefulinFLA (06-18-2014), Huntingpeace (06-18-2014), isitme (06-18-2014), jaynie04 (06-18-2014), ladyscribbler (06-18-2014), LifeRecovery (06-19-2014), LoveMeNow (06-18-2014), m1k3 (06-19-2014), NYCDoglvr (06-18-2014), PaperDolls (06-18-2014), POAndrea (06-19-2014), readerbaby71 (06-18-2014), Rosiepetal (06-18-2014), SparkleKitty (06-18-2014), Stung (06-18-2014)
Old 06-18-2014, 11:47 AM
  # 2 (permalink)  
Member
 
readerbaby71's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 1,778
We all struggle with one thing or another. Thanks for the insightful and funny post. xoxo
readerbaby71 is offline  
The Following 6 Users Say Thank You to readerbaby71 For This Useful Post:
Carlotta (06-18-2014), firebolt (06-19-2014), honeypig (06-18-2014), jaynie04 (06-18-2014), ladyscribbler (06-18-2014), lillamy (06-18-2014)
Old 06-18-2014, 11:52 AM
  # 3 (permalink)  
Member
 
Florence's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Midwest, USA
Posts: 2,899
Girl, I'm an off and on smoker and have been for years. I recently picked up a social smoking habit -- those little clove cigars. Why? Because they don't smell so bad and aren't real cigarettes anyway.

No room for me to talk!
Florence is offline  
The Following 6 Users Say Thank You to Florence For This Useful Post:
Carlotta (06-18-2014), FireSprite (06-18-2014), honeypig (06-18-2014), Huntingpeace (06-18-2014), ladyscribbler (06-18-2014), readerbaby71 (06-18-2014)
Old 06-18-2014, 11:54 AM
  # 4 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
lillamy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: right here, right now
Posts: 6,523
I can laugh about it but it was seriously a shocker to me to see the exact same behavior I've denounced in my ex. Except in myself.

It's not so funny to be nagged when you're on this side of the fence. Except I know that my husband is right. (Just like my ex wasn't.)
lillamy is offline  
The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to lillamy For This Useful Post:
Carlotta (06-18-2014), honeypig (06-18-2014), Huntingpeace (06-18-2014), ladyscribbler (06-18-2014), readerbaby71 (06-18-2014)
Old 06-18-2014, 12:01 PM
  # 5 (permalink)  
Community Greeter
 
hopeful4's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,566
Blog Entries: 10
LOL I get ya. I don't think there is a person out there without an addiction to something or someone.
hopeful4 is offline  
The Following 6 Users Say Thank You to hopeful4 For This Useful Post:
Carlotta (06-18-2014), FireSprite (06-18-2014), honeypig (06-18-2014), ladyscribbler (06-18-2014), readerbaby71 (06-18-2014), worriedinok (06-18-2014)
Old 06-18-2014, 12:02 PM
  # 6 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 1,295
I've thought this many times about my smoking habit, my procrastination habit, and whatever else I haven't even become self-aware of yet.

I don't need somebody else to nag me about smoking. I KNOW. I nag at myself, then promptly light another one, then go nag at him for drinking. Hypocrisy.

I even had him recently buy e-cigs to try to help quit, then ignored the e-cigs. They are laying around unused.

There's a quit smoking section here but I don't go there because that would be bringing the problem forefront into the light.
BlueSkies1 is offline  
The Following 9 Users Say Thank You to BlueSkies1 For This Useful Post:
Carlotta (06-18-2014), CodeJob (06-18-2014), FireSprite (06-18-2014), Florence (06-18-2014), honeypig (06-18-2014), Huntingpeace (06-18-2014), ladyscribbler (06-18-2014), lillamy (06-18-2014), readerbaby71 (06-18-2014)
Old 06-18-2014, 12:25 PM
  # 7 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
lillamy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: right here, right now
Posts: 6,523
I don't need somebody else to nag me about smoking. I KNOW. I nag at myself, then promptly light another one, then go nag at him for drinking. Hypocrisy.
I'm laughing with you, not at you.
lillamy is offline  
The Following 6 Users Say Thank You to lillamy For This Useful Post:
Carlotta (06-18-2014), CodeJob (06-18-2014), honeypig (06-18-2014), ladyscribbler (06-18-2014), PaperDolls (06-18-2014), readerbaby71 (06-18-2014)
Old 06-18-2014, 12:27 PM
  # 8 (permalink)  
Member
 
FireSprite's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 6,784
Blog Entries: 1
Copy/Paste edit "smoking" to read "sugar/food" and I could have written your post. My excuses & blame shifting ability around my food issues are embarrassingly textbook.

I did manage to quit smoking with hypnosis, 8 yrs ago in January. But I was READY to quit & wanted it very, very much so it was easier to mentally embrace it. Gee, sounds like something I've heard before.....
FireSprite is offline  
The Following 7 Users Say Thank You to FireSprite For This Useful Post:
Carlotta (06-18-2014), CodeJob (06-18-2014), honeypig (06-18-2014), ladyscribbler (06-18-2014), POAndrea (06-19-2014), readerbaby71 (06-18-2014), SparkleKitty (06-18-2014)
Old 06-18-2014, 12:32 PM
  # 9 (permalink)  
Member
 
CodeJob's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Mmmmmm
Posts: 3,179
Blog Entries: 6
Originally Posted by Florence View Post
Girl, I'm an off and on smoker and have been for years. I recently picked up a social smoking habit -- those little clove cigars. Why? Because they don't smell so bad and aren't real cigarettes anyway.

No room for me to talk!
I loooove how these smell!
CodeJob is offline  
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to CodeJob For This Useful Post:
Carlotta (06-18-2014), Florence (06-18-2014), readerbaby71 (06-18-2014)
Old 06-18-2014, 12:32 PM
  # 10 (permalink)  
Member
 
Florence's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Midwest, USA
Posts: 2,899
I did manage to quit smoking with hypnosis, 8 yrs ago in January. But I was READY to quit & wanted it very, very much so it was easier to mentally embrace it. Gee, sounds like something I've heard before.....
I quite smoking for several years with the help of medicine. I started again when my STBXAH left for 30 day rehab and I was home alone with a newborn recovering from a c-section. It was a terrible idea, but the ritual of having that ten minutes of meditation outside at night when the house was quiet was inescapable. Just like with my ex, I found I needed it to cope and feel normal -- even though I hadn't had it in so long.

About a year later -- it had ramped back up -- I tried to quit with meds again and spiraled into a wild depression. It was definitely the meds, so I quit those and continued smoking.

At this point I smoke maybe two a day? Usually one, if at all. I don't know why I do it anymore. It's bad for me and it gets in the way of my biking, but I continue to do it.

I loooove how these smell!
They *do* smell good! But they're terrible on my lungs!
Florence is offline  
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to Florence For This Useful Post:
Carlotta (06-18-2014), FireSprite (06-18-2014), ladyscribbler (06-18-2014), readerbaby71 (06-18-2014)
Old 06-18-2014, 12:39 PM
  # 11 (permalink)  
Member
 
CodeJob's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Mmmmmm
Posts: 3,179
Blog Entries: 6
Sugar.

I admitted this to Mr. T and he looked at me and said, "IF that is all your are addicted to thank your lucky stars." So tomorrow I am starting a sugar detox with 2 other women at work as support. Hopefully it will help. I guess in relation to other stuff he works with it is pretty tame.
CodeJob is offline  
The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to CodeJob For This Useful Post:
Carlotta (06-18-2014), FireSprite (06-18-2014), ladyscribbler (06-18-2014), readerbaby71 (06-18-2014), Saneinsight (06-18-2014)
Old 06-18-2014, 12:43 PM
  # 12 (permalink)  
Member
 
FireSprite's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 6,784
Blog Entries: 1
Originally Posted by Florence View Post
I quite smoking for several years with the help of medicine. I started again when my STBXAH left for 30 day rehab and I was home alone with a newborn recovering from a c-section. It was a terrible idea, but the ritual of having that ten minutes of meditation outside at night when the house was quiet was inescapable. Just like with my ex, I found I needed it to cope and feel normal -- even though I hadn't had it in so long.
I was always so surprised that I was able to quit at the drop of a hat when I found out I was pregnant, but went right back to it a few months after DD was born & I was no longer breastfeeding. I didn't quit for good until she was 18 months.

RAH switched to that vapor/nicotine pipe about a year ago & while he is OK with it, he always goes back to the real thing eventually. I like the vapes because I like the blueberry, blackberry, orange, etc scents.
FireSprite is offline  
The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to FireSprite For This Useful Post:
Carlotta (06-18-2014), Florence (06-18-2014), honeypig (06-18-2014), ladyscribbler (06-18-2014), readerbaby71 (06-18-2014)
Old 06-18-2014, 01:40 PM
  # 13 (permalink)  
Member
 
honeypig's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 10,540
I smoked for years and years, quit a few times and then 18 years ago quit for good. It really was NOT that freaking hard for me, and I question if it was ever actually an addiction or just a nasty habit.

HOWEVER--the food thing....I had this exact same insight a couple of months ago, that my behaviors around eating are exactly the same as my A's were around drinking. It hit me like a 2x4 upside the head. WOW!!

Went to a few OA meetings a year or so ago before I really knew/admitted I had these addict behaviors, but was completely and totally underwhelmed w/the ones I attended and did not follow thru. I have a list of possible meetings on my desk here but haven't gone to any yet. Wondering if I'd find it felt different at this point?

Thanks for sharing, all who posted.
honeypig is offline  
The Following 6 Users Say Thank You to honeypig For This Useful Post:
Carlotta (06-18-2014), CodeJob (06-18-2014), FireSprite (06-18-2014), Florence (06-18-2014), ladyscribbler (06-18-2014), readerbaby71 (06-18-2014)
Old 06-18-2014, 02:13 PM
  # 14 (permalink)  
Member
 
FireSprite's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 6,784
Blog Entries: 1
IDK if any of you are interested, but I'm starting a 72 hour detox tomorrow, inspired by Carlotta & her recent green tea detox.

I started a thread about it in the Fitness forum:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-take-2-a.html

I've done detox's in the past & they are always helpful. I'm always surprised at how I fight the compulsion to eat more than the hunger itself. And I had to laugh at myself - knowing I'm planning this for the next 3-4 days, what did I do while I worked from home today? Baked chocolate chip cookies. (face/palm) See, I told you. Embarrassingly textbook addiction.
FireSprite is offline  
The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to FireSprite For This Useful Post:
Carlotta (06-18-2014), Florence (06-19-2014), honeypig (06-18-2014), ladyscribbler (06-18-2014), readerbaby71 (06-18-2014)
Old 06-18-2014, 02:52 PM
  # 15 (permalink)  
Member
 
ladyscribbler's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Iowa
Posts: 3,053
Quitting nicotine is a bear. I had quit for many years when I deployed to Iraq. I could lie and say it was stress, etc. that "made" me smoke, but really it was that I didn't want to die over there and have my last thought be "Why the €@(% did I bother to quit smoking?"
I have since quit (for realz this time!) using nicotine gum and the ecigs.
ladyscribbler is offline  
The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to ladyscribbler For This Useful Post:
Carlotta (06-18-2014), FireSprite (06-18-2014), Florence (06-19-2014), honeypig (06-18-2014), readerbaby71 (06-18-2014)
Old 06-18-2014, 03:27 PM
  # 16 (permalink)  
Behold the power of NO
 
Carlotta's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: WA
Posts: 7,483
Thank you so much for posting Lillamy and for your very honest analysis. I am an alcoholic in recovery and I still feel somewhat "flawed" and inferior because of it.
It's amazing how addiction creep up on you. I have been clean and sober for a year and five month this time and I quit smoking not too long ago but when I went on a green tea detox/fast I realized how addicted I had become to caffeine.http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ox-anyone.html
Carlotta is offline  
The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to Carlotta For This Useful Post:
FireSprite (06-18-2014), honeypig (06-18-2014), ladyscribbler (06-18-2014), lillamy (06-18-2014), readerbaby71 (06-18-2014)
Old 06-18-2014, 03:58 PM
  # 17 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
lillamy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: right here, right now
Posts: 6,523
Carlotta, it's amazing to me how some RAs become really aware of their other addictions. One of my old RA friends went to rehab and became sober. A year later, he quit smoking. And then, just like you, he went on to weed out white sugar.

My son -- who's an ACOA -- has a pretty interesting take on addiction. He says we all have things we think we can't live without, and if you wish, you can call that addiction: Some are addicted to drugs, some to money, some to sex, some to success, some to... you get the point. We've gone back and forth on this -- I think there's a huge difference between striving for something or really wanting something badly and being addicted. Lucky for him, he hasn't experienced the difference first hand, and I hope he never has to.
lillamy is offline  
The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to lillamy For This Useful Post:
Carlotta (06-18-2014), FireSprite (06-18-2014), honeypig (06-18-2014), ladyscribbler (06-18-2014), readerbaby71 (06-18-2014)
Old 06-18-2014, 07:39 PM
  # 18 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 127
I stopped smoking when I met XABF because he didn't like it. It was hard but I wanted to it for him - but he never felt the same about his drinking!
Nicotine is addictive but think about it this way - out of all the things you could be addicted to (booze, weed, cocaine) - smoking isn't half as bad as some things! But it is extremely unhealthy :P
As for me, I picked the habit up almost right away after the split as a stress relief. When I met up with XABF a few days later, he could smell it and told me to stop. He didn't ASK, he TOLD me to stop! I smoke anywhere between 5-10 a day, but I don't always have the craving for one. The way I see it - when I smoke, it's not affecting my behaviour and I'm not acting terribly. When XABF drank - I prepared myself for a whole lot of hell coming my way.
Don't beat yourself up over it. The gum is good but like any addict, you'll only give it up when you are ready to.
I'm not going to give up now - I am enjoying this far too much. It's another piece of freedom that I've claimed back
Worried0810 is offline  
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to Worried0810 For This Useful Post:
Carlotta (06-18-2014), honeypig (06-18-2014), ladyscribbler (06-19-2014)
Old 06-18-2014, 08:25 PM
  # 19 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
lillamy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: right here, right now
Posts: 6,523
I'm not beating myself up. I'm laughing at myself for being such a bloody hypocrite.
I think I mind being a hypocrite more than I mind being an addict.
There's an easy solution to both problems, actually.
lillamy is offline  
The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to lillamy For This Useful Post:
Florence (06-19-2014), honeypig (06-18-2014), JustAGirl1971 (06-19-2014), ladyscribbler (06-19-2014), LifeRecovery (06-19-2014)
Old 06-19-2014, 04:16 PM
  # 20 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Right here, right now!
Posts: 3,364
Lillamy-

Thanks for the post.

I have had an eating disorder for many years prior to meeting my loved one.

For a long time I blamed my relationship problems on my disorder (ignoring the elephant in the room, alcohol).

Took a bit to work through that. Just last week I realized I needed to have a little compassion for my exAH because he was living with an addict also (granted named and in treatment, but still an addict), but find some balance that it was not all mine. This post helps to not feel alone. However he never dealt with his addiction, but he was often faced with mine (by behavior, by me wanting to talk about what I had learned etc).

It is also interesting that he would often try to sympathize/relate with his own food behavior (which in my opinion was not an addiction for him), but could not see how my food behavior and his drinking behavior were similar.

Thanks for being willing to poke fun at yourself about it.
LifeRecovery is online now  
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to LifeRecovery For This Useful Post:
honeypig (06-19-2014), ladyscribbler (06-19-2014)

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 06:51 AM.