Being humbled is a good thing. And while this post is about addiction -- mine -- I think it may fit well into the F&F section.
I've felt self-righteous quite a bit about not being an alcoholic. A bit like that pharisee in the Bible who basically said "thank you, Lord, that I'm not as bad as
some people."
So I've been chewing nicotine gum -- not in the prescribed way, I may add, to get free of nicotine, but because, well, nicotine felt like a better way to handle anxiety than prescription anti-anxiety medication. I've quit, relapsed, quit, relapsed, you get the picture. Every time I've hit high stress -- I've thought "I can buy just a pack of 20 to take me through this week"... yeah, right. We all know that's not how addiction works, right?
My husband was pointing out to me that while better than tobacco, nicotine gum is still an addiction, and not healthy, and that he would prefer that I try to drop the bad habit because he really loves me and would like to grow old with me and have a long and healthy life together.
Now, doesn't that sound like every single one of us codies having that first initial talk with our As?
So how did I react, then -- given that I've got 8 years in Al-Anon and have worked a recovery program there, and know how addicts function and how frustrating it is to try to get them to understand that the addiction is bad for them?
I did everything an addict does. I came up with excuses. I told him it was better than Xanax because it was not as addictive. I told him I would try to cut down. (Are you laughing hysterically yet? I am.) And inside, I was seething. Because HOW DARED HE try to take power over my life and manipulate me emotionally by insinuating that I would get sick and not be able to live a long and healthy life with him?
This comes at the same time one of my girlfriends is dealing with an eating disorder. I've been biting my tongue because she refuses to admit that
it is something that's bigger than her and that she can't handle on her own. She keeps blaming the media, the culture, if only she wasn't surrounded by unattainable female ideals, she wouldn't have to restrict her eating. She will blame anything and anyone to avoid getting the help she so badly needs.
But me? Yeah, you know, I'm fine. I've got things under control. It's great to be so perfect, you know, and to not be as bad as
some people... </sarcasm>
