Nightowl

Help???? My friends keep telling me this and I keep reading it. Does it impact whether or not I stay with my A SO?? Or Not??

What impact will it have on me??

or call this thread:

does anyone have a crystal ball??

best

No crystal ball but stats that have been collected over years say that what is enough today for desired effect (drunk,high...) with time needs to be increased for the same effect. I can drink 2 beers today and be falling over. Give me a month and it will take 2 six packs to do the same (not proven because I don't want to return there)
For me beer became more beer, then became beer and hard stuff, then more beer and more hard stuff. My tolorance level increased. That is why it is called a progressive disease.

As to impact on you...it will impact you to the degree you let it.
As to how long before progressive behavior takes effect...each person may be different.

Magichappens

If you find that crystal ball, let me know. There is AA literature available at the top of the forum,"The Codie Store." The Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous has a lot of examples of where alcoholism can take someone, but it affects each individual differently. You and you alone are going to have to make the determination as to how you are going to handle this. You will find love and support from people here, with no judgement. But no one can make those decisions for you. Alcoholism is not a nice thing, but neither is cancer. If I was dating someone with cancer, would I leave? Or could I try to love them through that tough time in their life, and possibly lose them? I don't have to make that decision now, and I can't say for certain what I would do. That is why we try to live one day at a time. You have a right to leave if you feel that is the right thing. You have a right to stay and there is a way to learn to be ok either way. Right now you are staying, just for today. You don't have to keep torturing yourself. You can make the decision tomorrow, or next week, or when you are ready. And you can change your mind. None of us have a pat answer. We get a set of tools in Alanon to help us with life's struggles, but the struggles don't magically disappear.

A few suggestions:
Get some Alanon literature. I like "How Alanon Works for Families and Friends of Alcoholics."
Get some support. Meetings are a great place to get a network of people who care and can guide you.
Relax if you can. Life isn't bad today. Do something nice for you. Try to have a good day.You are going to be ok.
Hugs, Magic

Chy

Ditto to the above!

As a female alcoholic, I used to just drink on the weekends. Then I had a job where I had a day off during the week plus the weekend. Perfect! Now I could drink a day during the week and the weekends. But a six pack may of well have been soda, as it didn't do much, for you see, I was waiting on the buzz. 10 years later a 12 pack during the week and a case on the weekend. 10 years later from that, a 12 pack a night and still not feeling it much... not to mention, the depression, the physical ailments, my heart about to explode, my weight at record high's, my lack of interest in anything but drinking, my neglect of the kids needs some day's, the loss of myself into the bottle 23 years later... progressive indeed!

Dazimae

I now understand the meaning, MY AH could have 1 or 2 a night over the course of 15 years more so over the past 5 it went to 24 a day once he was self employed. at 24 a day a blood level of 310 = to 3.0 he was standing,walking, and passing all sobriety testing talking fine.noone woud have ever known other than the few people that lives in the same house that he treats like hell and claims to love more than life. *L*
Now I understand... I have a hard time dealing with detachment with love.....

Yreva

Magichappens- I am having a hard time understanding the whole "one day at a time" If you are in an abusive relationship, YOU may choose to stay, but what about the other little people who can't choose...the kids?? Even tho you say "If I was dating someone with cancer, would I leave? Or could I try to love them through that tough time in their life, and possibly lose them?" Aren't we bound to put our kids first whatever the cost? I am just a little confused on staying with an abusive spouse, and having it hurt the ones you love the most... I don't mean to sound like I know everything, but I do know that alot of spouses have stayed with their A SO and hurt their kids more than they could have ever imagined.....I for one have vowed to NOT stay when it costs my kids.
Diane

Magichappens

Yreva,
I guess that would be determined by what you define an abusive relationship to be. Not all alchoholics are abusive. If there is abuse, Alanon suggests that you get out of the situation. Alanon is not abuse counselors. They deal with alcoholism, a disease. Abuse is a different subject. I was not abused. At any point in my life that I felt I was, I left. If someone is staying in an abusive relationship, and they can't seem to get out, they need help that Alanon doesn't claim to provide. M

Nightowl

Magic I agree. My relationship is not abusive at all. As a matter of fact, my ex husband was not an alcoholic at all and he was the most mentally abusive man I have ever known (and still tries to be). My A SO is the sweetest, kindest man I have ever had in my life and treats me and my children with love and respect. I just keep waiting for him to get abusive I guess. I am just not used to drinking and it scares me. I just wish someone could assure me he won't get that bad in the future. He seems to have things under control. I don't know. The uncertainy is killing me. Sometimes I just want to bail but it is hard to do when life is pretty good.

But one time I would like something to be easy and simple in my life. Just ONCE.

Shel

that is part of the "one day at a time" we "codies" get so caught up in the "what ifs" that we miss out on twhat is happening in our lives now!! Live for the moment (not to say that who cares about the consequences) but don't dwell on them so much that you miss out on the good in life!! Easier said than done I KNOW...but something to think about ..............I am working on this now as I cannot control what he does but I love the times I am with him sober and as a family!
take care~

RevivingOphelia

I googled, "Is alcoholism a progressive disease?" and this thread popped up, so I thought I'd bump it.

In your experience, do you find the statement, "Alcoholism is a progressive disease" to be true and, if so, how did that manifest in your own journey?

Thanks in advance for any contributions to this subject.


~O

SoaringSpirits

It means it gets worse without treatment (recovery, sobriety, all that).

I watched my husband's drinking ratchet up over the course of 8 years (we were married for 16) from a single beer after a hard day of work on the weekend to gradually more and more. He is one of those cunning "functioning alcoholics." Meaning he has a job, drinks secretly at night, never overdrinks around other people, has never been in trouble or had a DUI.

A year ago we separated because there was very little 'functioning' left in our marriage. I was done. Over the course of the year, I watched the alcoholism progress in a big way, and we were not even living together! By this time, he had switched to Vodka as his primary drink.

I'm pursuing legal separation as I now see him as a slowly sinking ship --- and I want off before it capsizes. That is progression.

OhBoy

Alcoholism is progressive, It will progress until something ends it. There are two choices, recovery or death. I'm sure there are exceptions, but dyed in the wool alcoholism is limited to those two outcomes. The timing could be next week or 20 years from now, everyone is different. Educate yourself on this disease, "Under The Influence" by Milam & Ketcham is a great read for learning about the disease & progression of it. It's a bit scary to read if you love an alcoholic, but it will give you an idea what your in for. Here's a link to some excerpts.

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...influence.html

RevivingOphelia

Thank you for your sharing your thoughts and experiences, Soaring and OhBoy

pinkdog

Progressive means that it will take more to achieve the same results. I'm an alcoholic. Over time, the quantity increases. Whereas 2 beers was enough, it became 6, 12 and so forth. Also the amount of time thinking about it increases. Planning early in the day for the beer in the evening. Consuming time and thought. The severity of the problem progresses. This increasing effect is why I quit.

OhBoy

The more you learn about it, the more you realize it's not just the amount of alcohol needed, but new symptoms appear & deterioration of health & mind also progress with it. Nasty, nasty stuff. I have to prepare myself to get a little depressed when I delve into learning about the disease because it is such a depressing disease. It helps me to understand though so it is worth it to me to get a little down from time to time.

Learn2Live

"It's progressive" means it is going to get worse. The signs, symptoms, and results of the alcoholism are going to worsen. The disease of alcoholism cannot be cured; it can only be halted and only by the person who has the disease. Alcoholism progresses in stages. You can google "stages of alcoholism" or "stages of addiction" for more information.

jamaicamecrazy

For my AH I don't think it was about needing to drink more. It was about having a harder time dealing with being sober. After about 30 years of drinking and marriage, he was more and more irritable on the days he chose not to drink. He has strict rules to when he would drink so I don"t believe he feels his life is unmanageable. For him it was all about having 'control' over when he drank but what eventually happened was that he was so miserable being sober, and accountable to me and his family. I think he eventually thought of us as being in the way of his drinking.

lillamy

I've often heard this metaphor in Al-Anon:

Alcoholism is an elevator that goes down to hell.
It's up to you what floor you get off.

That's what progressive disease means to me. It only goes one direction, to hell. And if you think you're in hell now and your A is still alive and not in recovery? Just wait. It'll get worse.

Anon12

I heard about it being progressive but didn't really understand until last few weeks - my now XABF has progressed scarily quickly. Things I thought he'd never do before - go on an all nighter before work the next day and then call in sick (he always managed to contain it previously to weekends), then it would appear drove under the influence and get arrested, he's now doing and still not recognising the consequences are down to him drinking. I would hear others in my support group or even read here a few weeks back talking about DUIs and and think 'my X isn't like that thank god' - not smugly, just relieved but here I am. The longer this goes on, the more I recognise on these threads and sadly the less I recognise the man I love.

Trilogy

It is so painful to witness the progression, to see the man you love and were able to trust in the past deteriorate so quickly. It's as if that man died and you are left trying to deal with someone else. The difficulty is, he still looks like the man you love and you do see glimpses of who he used to be and it is natural to hold onto hope that he can be that man again. The lying, deception, selfishness and inability to trust are the hardest for me.