For my AH I don't think it was about needing to drink more. It was about having a harder time dealing with being sober. After about 30 years of drinking and marriage, he was more and more irritable on the days he chose not to drink. He has strict rules to when he would drink so I don"t believe he feels his life is unmanageable. For him it was all about having 'control' over when he drank but what eventually happened was that he was so miserable being sober, and accountable to me and his family. I think he eventually thought of us as being in the way of his drinking.