CodeJob

My RAH and I have fought in the past about my feelings that some of his gifts to me were pay offs to just let him drink in peace. He was very hurt and denying about this accusation I leveled. He brought it up the other day and I did not engage. Hopefully he does not have anything tucked away. Stung you are so right it would be AWKWARD.

The thing is that I really think my H takes a lot of self esteem/pride from being able to give people things and show his success by giving generous gifts. He is mad at me because I told his family about his alcoholism and that they think he lost his job due to it. I destroyed his image as a successful provider with his family. We don't live near family, so who knows what image of our lives he spun. "I don't know why you got everyone involved in our business." Whenever I want to talk about our relationship, he comes back with how he took care of us and was always buying us stuff. Which then we circles back to my accusation - were you buying us off so you could then go drink in the garage the rest of the day or were you using us to help build up your successful image? There's something deeper going on about my RAH when I get a generous gift (and as we all know - it is not intimacy at this point in time!).

RAH got a job recently, but I told my T we were in deep trouble as I was now making more $ than RAH. My T jumped right on this and said, "Are you old fashioned that way?" I said, "Maybe. I think my RAH is and it will be a huge issue for him." Sure enough, pay day has not been his happiest day. He is really STILL hung up on who he is identified by salary and title. I told him I was just grateful he was working and he said, "Well I like to buy stuff for you guys."

At Christmas he gave me two nice running jackets. It was really very kind and thoughful. I actually love them and wear them around bc it shows he knows how much running means to my sanity/serenity. Maybe we do better when we strip money out of our relationship entirely. Anyway, on run days I often fall asleep so I don't have all those irritating questions for him when he is trying to go to bed!

I need to review the Karpman triangles myself!

Stung

It is an old fashioned thing for my husband and his feelings of accomplishment are tied to his ability to provide for us. Unfortunately, I also like expensive things because of my own skewed views so we're a match made in dysfunctional heaven.

However, I was raised by a single mom and I am confident in my own ability to provide for our family, husband or no husband. I want to make as much as my husband not because I want to compete or be a bread winner but because I want to have that great sense of accomplishment that comes from a successful career like his.

FlippedRHalo

I haven't turned the TV on today.

I'm being very careful about what I see online (hang in there Blake! Today's a rough one for most of us.)

I refuse to look at Facebook today because I don't want to see the cheery-flowery-engagement-ringy-my boyfriend/girlfriend/wife/husband-is-so-wonderful-happy-love and hearts-ness.

And... to be brutally honest, a small part of me was kind of hoping that something would show up at my door with a note attached professing his sorrow. Not that it should, or that it would change anything, but that's what I wished. That would be money spent on something other than alcohol though, so, I should have known better.

Meh. It's almost over. And I have a free weekend coming since my little one is going to her grandparents. Let's hope I actually go out and do something instead of sit home hiding because I'm afraid to face life right now.

Blake, you ok?

SeasonlessWorld

Ah! Last year's valentines day what was I doing? Waited half an hour for my BF who showed up drunk and high to a really expensive restaurant. Embarrassed me in front of the waiter, then at the end of dinner goes "how much money have you got?" This valentines day: dinner with my mom and sister, low key laughs with people who love me. It sucks sometimes because I do miss the male companionship and the good things about him but I don't miss being on tenterhooks all the time. Happy Valentines Day SR! Love you all.

Hammer

Valentine Haiku -- from Craigslist.

Broken woman awaits
Imperfect man to offer
A place in his life

AnvilheadII

hmmm, our Valentine's day....that was what? Friday? hmmm, hank had a dr appt for his asthma/allergies as he's had a rough time breathing lately. he got home, prescriptions called in, and when they were ready at about 6? I volunteered to go as he was just not doing well and the walmart pharmacy trek was just TOO MUCH.

what did we have for dinner? don't remember. I do know that on Saturday we had homemade tacos and Spanish rice (with brown rice no less!) and then watched a movie and popped popcorn.

no cards, flowers, gifts, no demonstrative exchanges of LOVE.....

wait, ok, we did have filet steaks Saturday nite before the movie...it was Sunday that we conspired on the tacos........I don't think there is anything more connecting and sensual than cooking together. co-creating yummy tasty exquisite food to be shared.

CodeJob

Friday night gyros
Amish plank dog between us
No beer, no snoring

redatlanta

We gave each other cards - I made his favorite dinner. We watched a movie I had been wanting to see.

Delightful evening and pretty much a repeat of every night sans cards.