Dealing with Valentines Day
 

I just want to say, whoever made up V-day must also have invented high heel shoes.. Grrr!!!

I DO NOT in any way, shape, or form feel romantic towards my child husband.
He asked me today if I wanted to go out on Friday and I told him I didn't think we could get in anywhere at this late notice and we could just stay home. He's not taking that for an answer. I don't want a card from him. I don't want to go have a one-on-one dinner with him. I CANT read thru the mushy cards in the hopes of finding something suitable to give him -- ugh! Don't worry, I am seeing my T tomorrow morning..It couldn't come soon enough.

How are you all dealing with this Hallmark day?

Ugh... I don't even want to think about it.

I am a Vday hater lol I always had expectations that were never met (of course) I treated myself to a fleece coat this year. Absolutely more practical with all the snow storms and it was on sale. It seems, I have never found anyone as good to me as.....me. My journey in recovery started march 27th 2010. Not that long ago. I am still learning about what I want, and who I am.


So, this Friday, is just another day for me.

This is a meme I made last year. My feelings about V day have not changed

It is a day like any other. It's not a magical day when addiction is cured and unicorns float thru the sky. I an not being a smarty pants. It just drives me nuts that this day triggers soooo many feeling in sooooo many people. I wish you all a great day. Do not stray from your boundries do not think cards, flowers and chocolates erase the damage drugs and alcohol have caused you. Treat if like any other, in 24 hours it will be long gone. To me it is and always will be the day after my son's birthday and that's why it makes me smile.

O.M.G Carlotta!!! :lmao

A BIG thank you for that smile you gave me! :thanks

Blah I booked a weekend away...well now I'm takin my son. I feel bad, but I refuse to have a special weekend with soon to be XA. Btw love the meme

I admit that just once in my life I'd like a real valentine's day. I already had planned a special one 2 months in advance before pulling the plug in my relationship.

My second confession is this one is going to be hard. Maybe I'm brainwashed. It has always been a day like any other to me, but I'm dreading it. In grade school it was the day when you found out who maybe liked you and you got a card from everyone. I think it's a wonderful idea.....but everyday was Valentine's day for me with my ex. Maybe that was the codependency though.

hank and i don't DO V-day. seriously, if after 11 years he NOW started bringing me flowers? i'd be worried! we know each day that either things are still going good, or not. we don't need a special day to REMIND us to notice, acknowledge and be nice to the other person! i can't imagine any transgression that could ever be made OK with a box of chocolates....i mean really, i'm just not that easily bought off.

it's just a day they decided to commercialize.

Im sure sorry blake.. You have more guts than I do right now. Mustering courage to do the hard things is difficult for me. If it wasn't for folks here at SR, who knows when I would have had the mouth piece to talk to my AH this week. I sometimes think all the trouble would go away if he just didn't come back home one day. I'm sure that's not the case, but I wonder about that warm fuzzy thought as I sit here with a splitting headache.
big hugs

Well I'm hoping to see the Lego movie with my critter over the weekend. I might make him sweet tea with all the sugar he would want in it for once.

RAH eats sweets now so perhaps I will bake some cookies.

I think a warming trend is coming so I might walk my dog.

Not worked up about St. Valentine's Day this year.

I, too, am not feeling the romance! I am a massage therapist and thankfully, I work alone so I don't have to do couples massages... And, this year I am not doing any Valentine Specials. I decided rather than force it, I would make my space a place for those who are sick of hearts, flowers, and chocolate! Spend some time taking care of yourself this Valentine's Day! Be your OWN Valentine!

V-day never bothered me until a few years ago. It *is* a made up holiday. But so is Mother's Day, Father's Day, etc. Ugh.

My kids are still babies so I'm making Valentine's Day about them this year and lots of fun girly crafts and games and LOTS of pink. :) Valentine's Day, Mother's Day, Father's Day, birthdays, etc. they are JUST days but we can make them special or not if we don't have big expectations.

Heck ladies and gentlemen, where's all the love gone, if not for your partners, wives, husbands, what about you!

You just might deserve a small piece of love to yourselves, my friends xx Be well

Twill just be another sober day for me!

I'm using it as an excuse to treat myself - I have bought myself a lovely rose plant and I'm meeting up with some single friends tomorrow night :)

Yeah, Katchie, this V day sucks! Actually, now that I think about it, my AH is moving out the next day so that can be my valentine's day present ;) Silver linings and all that, lol.

What we are doing is making it about the kids. I'll make a dinner they like and AH is bringing them milkshakes from their favorite ice cream shop. Would it be an option to ask your AH if you could make it a family celebration?

Also, I like the idea of treating ourselves on v-day :)

I get candy and pink stuff for my kids, I get something nice for myself (I get myself flowers regularly, thank you!), and it's any other day. Tomorrow night a friend is going to come over and help me with my bike. Sinking some love back into my children and my hobbies is worthwhile.

Holidays always suck when you are having family and relationship problems. I'm learning to go my own way, even if it means ignoring the holiday or having some holiday time alone. I can't keep going to my FOO or my ex for fun and celebration if those wells are dry.

Gifts of the Spirit
 

This is true. But life is deeper than "every gift begins with Kay" jewelers.

Last Valentine's Day I tried to get my H to admit into inpatient rehab. It was a very draining experience that failed. But it was an experience that taught me how to extract myself from the process. The anniversary of this is hanging over both of us. Last night I finally said, "Just about anything could happen Friday and it would be better than last year." Just admitting we are both on edge about this date. It is raw. We are raw. Life with a RAH is uncertain. I do not like uncertainty. Learning to live one day at a time is painful for me. So Valentine's Day is somber because we are still learning to live with our truths.

Then Mother's Day was a bust in the traditional sense bc that was the weekend I went to inpatient family program. I was compelled to buy a book just before I left and as I read it on the plane it was a gem and spoke to my heart. I started to sob the book was so powerful. Thankfully it was a puddle jumper and I had some personal space and all kinds of prop noise to mask my emotions. I wrote a note right into it to remind myself what a gift I had been given and that my HP was hanging around if I would just be open to a more intuitive and less dogmatic Sense of God. The book was Daring Greatly by Brene Brown. I carried that book around like it was a ******** that entire family program. I spoke my truth at family program. RAH took the opportunity and started R.

There are gifts given but it could be just any day. My son calls me a BAMF (Bad A-- Mother F---er) after dealing with all of this and handling everything while H was out of the house. This marriage has hewn me into someone who knows how to deal with some serious ****. I signed off on a text to him the other day as your BAMF and he bragged on me to his friends. I was just confirming I would pick him up from an after school activity, but I have some serious cred with this almost teen ager for him to explain this to his friends and tell them yes my mom is a serious BAMF. It touched my heart. Best valentine ever!

But in all seriousness I need to learn to let go because I might be a BAMF but I am not a super hero.

So look for some gifts in your life. Some signs. Some reassurance.