Life as a number
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Pamel, whether you realize it or not you are trying to excuse your behavior. Comparing doesn't help your accountability. Eating a hamburger is distracted driving also. The facts are drunk driving has been proven to be dangerous for 20+ years. Cell phones and texting are still relatively new dangers on the roadways.
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More like chapter 12 Dee!! ...and I own every bit of what I did and the consequences. I also believe things happen for a reason; misery has been my companion for several years-the drinking was a stupid way to alleviate it. I know better, and I do think, guardedly, that I have hit the lowest bottom I ever want to experience.
Your posts are always welcome!
Your posts are always welcome!
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Pamel, just think... you never have to feel such guilt and sadness again if you stop now. I'm a firm believer that as long as we have a breath in our body, it's never to late to change. We as human beings can not go back in time to change things but we can learn from them and want better for ourselves and others in our lives.
My husband will always be an alcoholic. He's going through some powerful feelings of guilt. He is remorseful of all the damage he's caused and ya know what? Even though he's devastated me, I can forgive him because he wants to be sober and stop the never ending cycle only a bottle brings him.
Your family will find it in their hearts to forgive you. May not be today but tomorrow is a new day. You deserve to be happy and no one can do that for you. That will come from within. Keep going! Have faith in yourself and take it one day at a time. Feel the emotion and let it go. You not drinking will be worth more to your loved ones than you hiding in the bottle trying to cover the guilt with more guilt. We're suppose to feel our feelings. That's what we dumb humans do. lol
Pay the consequences and move on. It'll make you a better person. And it's ok to cry. I know it hurts.
My husband will always be an alcoholic. He's going through some powerful feelings of guilt. He is remorseful of all the damage he's caused and ya know what? Even though he's devastated me, I can forgive him because he wants to be sober and stop the never ending cycle only a bottle brings him.
Your family will find it in their hearts to forgive you. May not be today but tomorrow is a new day. You deserve to be happy and no one can do that for you. That will come from within. Keep going! Have faith in yourself and take it one day at a time. Feel the emotion and let it go. You not drinking will be worth more to your loved ones than you hiding in the bottle trying to cover the guilt with more guilt. We're suppose to feel our feelings. That's what we dumb humans do. lol
Pay the consequences and move on. It'll make you a better person. And it's ok to cry. I know it hurts.
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Pamel, I do understand what you are saying about being a number in the system. Read some of my past posts dealing with my convict son and his run ins with the law. The truth is the criminal justice system is designed to keep you stuck in it. Hopefully, this will be your last DUI and last run in with the law. Society hates convicted felons (which you are not) and hates convicted drunk drivers. I'm sorry if I got the wrong impression and I do believe you understand the seriousness now.
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Thanks SnoozyQ! I will have time to play our word game; gawd do I have a lot of words!!
Upsetnneedhelp, I have read some of your posts and you have every right to have a note of outrage; we/I need that. I posted in the Friends and Family thread because you people are in battle every day. Life is not perfect, certainly, and being in "the system" not fair, but I am a firm believer that things happen for a reason, and it is what we do with them that counts. Your post, (as all do) caught me up a bit short, and I had to think about it. The last thing I want to do is "let myself off the hook" and after what you posted, I re-focused. Thanks!
BoxnRotz, wonderful hopeful post from you! My family has stuck with me; I am very fortunate. And I am very grateful that I had a lot of sober time on which to base a belief in my recovery. You speak of your husband and he is blessed to have you. At the time when we are at our lowest (I think after we have started sobriety and look back on what we have done) the support of our loved ones is something we dare not ask for, but are so grateful to have. Thanks for the strength you have given me.
Upsetnneedhelp, I have read some of your posts and you have every right to have a note of outrage; we/I need that. I posted in the Friends and Family thread because you people are in battle every day. Life is not perfect, certainly, and being in "the system" not fair, but I am a firm believer that things happen for a reason, and it is what we do with them that counts. Your post, (as all do) caught me up a bit short, and I had to think about it. The last thing I want to do is "let myself off the hook" and after what you posted, I re-focused. Thanks!
BoxnRotz, wonderful hopeful post from you! My family has stuck with me; I am very fortunate. And I am very grateful that I had a lot of sober time on which to base a belief in my recovery. You speak of your husband and he is blessed to have you. At the time when we are at our lowest (I think after we have started sobriety and look back on what we have done) the support of our loved ones is something we dare not ask for, but are so grateful to have. Thanks for the strength you have given me.
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Hello Pamel! I'm so glad you have chosen recovery...you have done it before, and I know you can do it again and even better this time!!
Couple of things stand out for me in your original post...
You seem to be mad that your boyfriend is going to his father's birthday party, even though the reason you can't go is due to your own actions. Actions have consequences, and this is what you are now dealing with. Would you begrudge your boyfriend this trip to celebrate his father's birthday because you can't go? Would you rather he stay home with you?
As someone who has been nearly killed more often on a university campus by undergrads driving while talking and texting, I agree with you about the cell phones. However, IMHO, bringing this subject up is a diversionary tactic like "Yeah, I drove drunk, but what about them!" We all have to walk in the path we make for ourselves.
Pamel, you most definitely are not a number. You are a person with inherent dignity worthy of respect and love. I hope that you will keep working your program, whatever that looks like for you, and that your future will be peaceful and joyous!!
Couple of things stand out for me in your original post...
You seem to be mad that your boyfriend is going to his father's birthday party, even though the reason you can't go is due to your own actions. Actions have consequences, and this is what you are now dealing with. Would you begrudge your boyfriend this trip to celebrate his father's birthday because you can't go? Would you rather he stay home with you?
As someone who has been nearly killed more often on a university campus by undergrads driving while talking and texting, I agree with you about the cell phones. However, IMHO, bringing this subject up is a diversionary tactic like "Yeah, I drove drunk, but what about them!" We all have to walk in the path we make for ourselves.
Pamel, you most definitely are not a number. You are a person with inherent dignity worthy of respect and love. I hope that you will keep working your program, whatever that looks like for you, and that your future will be peaceful and joyous!!
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Originally Posted by BoxinRotz 
My husband will always be an alcoholic. He's going through some powerful feelings of guilt. He is remorseful of all the damage he's caused and ya know what?
Guilt and remorse, (followed by repentance) are WONDERFUL things.
So happy for you on this.
Even though he's devastated me, I can forgive him because he wants to be sober and stop the never ending cycle only a bottle brings him.
Your family will find it in their hearts to forgive you. May not be today but tomorrow is a new day. You deserve to be happy and no one can do that for you. That will come from within. Keep going! Have faith in yourself and take it one day at a time. Feel the emotion and let it go. You not drinking will be worth more to your loved ones than you hiding in the bottle trying to cover the guilt with more guilt. We're suppose to feel our feelings. That's what we dumb humans do. lol
Pay the consequences and move on. It'll make you a better person. And it's ok to cry. I know it hurts.
Pay the consequences and move on. It'll make you a better person. And it's ok to cry. I know it hurts.
Thanks.
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Originally Posted by BoxinRotz
Pamel, just think... you never have to feel such guilt and sadness again if you stop now. I'm a firm believer that as long as we have a breath in our body, it's never to late to change. We as human beings can not go back in time to change things but we can learn from them and want better for ourselves and others in our lives.
My husband will always be an alcoholic. He's going through some powerful feelings of guilt. He is remorseful of all the damage he's caused and ya know what? Even though he's devastated me, I can forgive him because he wants to be sober and stop the never ending cycle only a bottle brings him.
Your family will find it in their hearts to forgive you. May not be today but tomorrow is a new day. You deserve to be happy and no one can do that for you. That will come from within. Keep going! Have faith in yourself and take it one day at a time. Feel the emotion and let it go. You not drinking will be worth more to your loved ones than you hiding in the bottle trying to cover the guilt with more guilt. We're suppose to feel our feelings. That's what we dumb humans do. lol
Pay the consequences and move on. It'll make you a better person. And it's ok to cry. I know it hurts.
My husband will always be an alcoholic. He's going through some powerful feelings of guilt. He is remorseful of all the damage he's caused and ya know what? Even though he's devastated me, I can forgive him because he wants to be sober and stop the never ending cycle only a bottle brings him.
Your family will find it in their hearts to forgive you. May not be today but tomorrow is a new day. You deserve to be happy and no one can do that for you. That will come from within. Keep going! Have faith in yourself and take it one day at a time. Feel the emotion and let it go. You not drinking will be worth more to your loved ones than you hiding in the bottle trying to cover the guilt with more guilt. We're suppose to feel our feelings. That's what we dumb humans do. lol
Pay the consequences and move on. It'll make you a better person. And it's ok to cry. I know it hurts.
.Pamel - I understand what you are saying about the numbers - it feels like that way sometimes. But numbers are fluid, they change, they fall away when we no longer need to "mark" time or ourselves using them.
Keep working your program & all of those icky little issues that ran rampant under the surface of the addiction & after a while the numbers will just fade away as they are replaced with new symbols in your life.
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Originally Posted by Upsetnneedhelp
Pamel, I do understand what you are saying about being a number in the system. Read some of my past posts dealing with my convict son and his run ins with the law. The truth is the criminal justice system is designed to keep you stuck in it. Hopefully, this will be your last DUI and last run in with the law. Society hates convicted felons (which you are not) and hates convicted drunk drivers. I'm sorry if I got the wrong impression and I do believe you understand the seriousness now.
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Thanks again, all of you, for posting here; it is a great help to me!
Seren, you posted:
"You seem to be mad that your boyfriend is going to his father's birthday party, even though the reason you can't go is due to your own actions. Actions have consequences, and this is what you are now dealing with. Would you begrudge your boyfriend this trip to celebrate his father's birthday because you can't go? Would you rather he stay home with you?"
Not sure what I said to give you the idea that I begrudge my BF the trip; the contrary is the case. He wanted to forego it to stay with me! I told him:
"Absolutely not! It is not up for discussion; you are going."
My great grief in all of this is for him: that I have so circumscribed his life that he would even THINK of not going. His point is that he is worried about me and feels he should stay; also that he was looking forward to US going. G-- bless him!! My only logical reply was that if he stayed here it would not only deprive him of a very important trip, it would be counterproductive in that it would make me all the more upset with myself. He has agreed to go and we will make the best of whatever happens. Sad to say, the perfect is the enemy of the good here.
Re: the cell phones. Clearly, this was the wrong place to bring that up, and I apologize. Kind of addressed already. Glad I wasn't drunk AND talking on the phone! (Final mention of cellphone here...)
...and to Refiner: Thanks for your message; one of the reasons I posted what I did is to let others know there is nothing "wonderful" in acquiring a number. It is a stupid extensions of one's addiction, and once you have crossed that line, you not only have your addiction to deal with, but all of these serious consequences. Is it a deterrant? You betcha, and I never want to be here again.
Seren, you posted:
"You seem to be mad that your boyfriend is going to his father's birthday party, even though the reason you can't go is due to your own actions. Actions have consequences, and this is what you are now dealing with. Would you begrudge your boyfriend this trip to celebrate his father's birthday because you can't go? Would you rather he stay home with you?"
Not sure what I said to give you the idea that I begrudge my BF the trip; the contrary is the case. He wanted to forego it to stay with me! I told him:
"Absolutely not! It is not up for discussion; you are going."
My great grief in all of this is for him: that I have so circumscribed his life that he would even THINK of not going. His point is that he is worried about me and feels he should stay; also that he was looking forward to US going. G-- bless him!! My only logical reply was that if he stayed here it would not only deprive him of a very important trip, it would be counterproductive in that it would make me all the more upset with myself. He has agreed to go and we will make the best of whatever happens. Sad to say, the perfect is the enemy of the good here.
Re: the cell phones. Clearly, this was the wrong place to bring that up, and I apologize. Kind of addressed already. Glad I wasn't drunk AND talking on the phone! (Final mention of cellphone here...)
...and to Refiner: Thanks for your message; one of the reasons I posted what I did is to let others know there is nothing "wonderful" in acquiring a number. It is a stupid extensions of one's addiction, and once you have crossed that line, you not only have your addiction to deal with, but all of these serious consequences. Is it a deterrant? You betcha, and I never want to be here again.
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You sound determined and committed to your recovery, Pamel...that's such wonderful news!!
As Hammer said, we do love it when the alcoholics in our lives are working their programs.
I really wish you nothing but the best, and if I misinterpreted your original post regarding your boyfriends trip, my humble apologies.
As Hammer said, we do love it when the alcoholics in our lives are working their programs.
I really wish you nothing but the best, and if I misinterpreted your original post regarding your boyfriends trip, my humble apologies.
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Originally Posted by Refiner
Yes, society frowns upon convited felons. One's best choice should be not to become a convicted felon in the first place.
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Well, I lived in NYC from '71 to 2005, and I was pretty used to anonymity. ...so yes! I was horrified that it was all published and found that people actually read that paper.
However, most of the people close to me already know the details. I haven't taken a lot of care to hide anything, in fact I have gone out of my way to tell people the story; better they hear it from me. (You are as sick as your secrets, AA says...) Shame is not part of what I feel now; I did the crime and I should do the time. The only real emotions I have are toward the people I have hurt.
Re: being a number. When I realized that that is just what I am now I WAS horrified! I have led my life up until the last two? years being a sober productive respected person, and it has been an almighty shock to me what has happened here. That said, once I realized I had become a "number" I have had a mission: to resurrect myself and become once again the person I have known all my life. When you come to a realization like that, honestly, it becomes clear what needs to be done and avoidance behavior just doesn't get it. I am old-ish, and I feel so sad for all of you who have young people in this mess; much harder to clean up the record to move forward when you are young and your vision is limited.
However, most of the people close to me already know the details. I haven't taken a lot of care to hide anything, in fact I have gone out of my way to tell people the story; better they hear it from me. (You are as sick as your secrets, AA says...) Shame is not part of what I feel now; I did the crime and I should do the time. The only real emotions I have are toward the people I have hurt.
Re: being a number. When I realized that that is just what I am now I WAS horrified! I have led my life up until the last two? years being a sober productive respected person, and it has been an almighty shock to me what has happened here. That said, once I realized I had become a "number" I have had a mission: to resurrect myself and become once again the person I have known all my life. When you come to a realization like that, honestly, it becomes clear what needs to be done and avoidance behavior just doesn't get it. I am old-ish, and I feel so sad for all of you who have young people in this mess; much harder to clean up the record to move forward when you are young and your vision is limited.
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Pamel, for some reason, lonely people get their kicks out of reading the crime reporting section of their local paper. Some even show your mugshot. Of course, no one has even been convicted yet and could be innocent. The dui penalties are meant to punish and destroy your life. As strict as they are it doesn't stop people from getting their 2nd or 3rd dui. Punishing criminals does not always work. It's better to take the carrot approach and offer a better life. Pamel, I am happy that you are taking it as a wake up call and hoping you will not stay stuck in the damnation of the criminal justice system.
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Originally Posted by Upsetnneedhelp
Punishing criminals does not always work. It's better to take the carrot approach and offer a better life.
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