DG0409

I'm a "double winner." When I can, I try to use what works for my recovery from drugs and alcohol to help with my goal to recover from codependency.

I'm about to hit some milestones with my drug and alcohol recovery. The next few days I'll be seeing 400 days no cigarettes, 300 days no alcohol and 200 days no weed. For me and I think for many other recovering addicts and alcoholics, these milestones are time to celebrate. We can reflect back and be thankful and proud of our progress and see how things have changed.

It seems like it's harder to mark milestones when it comes to recovery from codependency. I still think it's important to take some time to reflect back and appreciate my progress in that area as well though. There isn't really any counting days here. Where would I start? The day I left my abusive, alcoholic ex? The day I got the restraining order? Those don't really work since now I'm in another relationship with an addict/RA (or maybe dry drunk). Really, I have no idea what day it started for me.

I do know that I've made a lot of progress:

• I no longer care at all about the guy I had to get the restraining order on. I've been able to look back at my part in it. I've identified things that I would do differently today to keep myself out of another situation like that. I've learned enough about alcoholics, addicts and just plain abusive men that I understand more about what was going on. I can look back and identify where so many of the things he said that had me wound up and upset were just plain quacking. (Wish I'd been on SR when the relationship was going on. So much more would have been clear to me.)
  
• I've come to recognize how codependent I am. I've accepted it. I've learned about what codependency is. I've made a commitment to getting better. I've come to realize that the problem hasn't been the people in my life, but that it's how I am. I know maybe some people become more codependent as a result of relationships. For me, I can identify codependent behaviors and thoughts from when I was a child that led me into certain relationships. Maybe I learned some of these behaviors from my parents although neither was an addict or alcoholic. For me, this isn't about my addict bf. It's about my tendency to be focused on what other people are or aren't doing, saying or thinking rather than on what I am doing in my life.
  
• I can identify when I'm focusing on somebody else too much and making myself go crazy because of it. I am learning to practice behaviors such as taking care of myself and switching my focus onto 'my side of the street'. Sometimes, I am better at focusing on my stuff than at other times. Sometimes, I still get wrapped up in thinking about other people, but at least I am better able to identify those times.
  
• I read a lot on the friends and family sections on SR, and I learn a lot from everyone that posts here. (A big thanks to everyone here. I've gained so much from reading here and thinking about all of the responses.)

So, I want to ask, what sort of progress have you made in your recovery? What are things that you do better now than you used to? What positive results have you seen in your life since starting on your personal journey to improve your life? Take a little time to reflect back and be thankful for things you've learned, ways you've improved and any progress that you've made. Sometimes, it's important to step back from our recovery just a bit, see how far we've come, give ourselves a pat on the back and share with our support groups about our progress.

Hammer

for me -- just speaking for me -- Progress is more an Events based thing.

First Meeting.
Getting the kids in Alateen.
First Time to Chair.
Alateen Sponsor Training.
First Men's Meeting. (yeah I know that sounds ********, was a big deal for me)
Helping in a Local Family Intro Program at a local Rehab.
Steps Program.

Again speaking JUST for me -- I could be doing little to nothing for Years and Years. All that would be happening would be Years and Years. And getting little to nothing for it.

So for me, Progress and Time do not really have a strong connection. Progress and Working the Program . . . DOES.

Readreadread

My list isn't very long.... Yet... Committed myself to Al-anon and found a sponsor. Being able to detach from someone vomiting verbally at me and then still being able to move on and enjoy my day . Being able to check my thinking with mantras and breath. Not being ashamed that I married an addict and telling my story honestly. Accepting stbxh as he is....and understanding that it is his life to live or not to live. And last, making conscience decisions to be present in my own life. Thanks for this post. Sometimes it is hard to see that I am making progress.

Insaneshame

My list isn't very long either!
1. I realized and own my part of enabling my AH in his drinking habits. I knew, but didn't use "put my foot down", which is weird for me because I'm NOT SHY about my feelings!
2. I learned how to put my foot down. I'm assuming this is setting up boundaries. I will no longer put up with his self-pity, woe is me, manipulating attitude.
3. I realized that I didn't cause his drinking problem, can't control it and can't change it!