Life as a number
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Life as a number
...and that is what I am now: a number.
I used to be a person, and will be again, I hope. Now, however, because of my alcoholism, I am "in the system" waiting for a January 8th court date (dui s). I cannot leave the state. No, I can't go to my "FIL's" 90th birthday week in Florida. I must stay home, alone for 10 days, without my BF (who MUST go to Florida).
The "system" doesn't care about this; I did the crime, TOO BAD! And if I choose to drink during those 10 days? Well, the "system" hopes I will self-destruct without killing someone else. That is the bitter truth about where one drink can lead.
A bitter truth? Yes. Am I bitter? No.
It has been my good fortune NOT to have killed someone while driving drunk.
It was my good fortune that I was stopped that night before I ran the car off the road and killed myself.
It has been my good fortune that my actions have lead me to a place of stunning reality where I see what I have done to myself...and to others.
I am posting this because it is the damage I have done to others that hurts the most. I cannot be with family over the holidays, and they suffer because they love me, and they worry. I have stripped a chunk of happiness from their lives. Didn't realize this; didn't know they cared so much.
Thank you all who post in this forum; you have helped me understand YOUR pain, and to try to be humble enough to change me so I deserve you.
I used to be a person, and will be again, I hope. Now, however, because of my alcoholism, I am "in the system" waiting for a January 8th court date (dui s). I cannot leave the state. No, I can't go to my "FIL's" 90th birthday week in Florida. I must stay home, alone for 10 days, without my BF (who MUST go to Florida).
The "system" doesn't care about this; I did the crime, TOO BAD! And if I choose to drink during those 10 days? Well, the "system" hopes I will self-destruct without killing someone else. That is the bitter truth about where one drink can lead.
A bitter truth? Yes. Am I bitter? No.
It has been my good fortune NOT to have killed someone while driving drunk.
It was my good fortune that I was stopped that night before I ran the car off the road and killed myself.
It has been my good fortune that my actions have lead me to a place of stunning reality where I see what I have done to myself...and to others.
I am posting this because it is the damage I have done to others that hurts the most. I cannot be with family over the holidays, and they suffer because they love me, and they worry. I have stripped a chunk of happiness from their lives. Didn't realize this; didn't know they cared so much.
Thank you all who post in this forum; you have helped me understand YOUR pain, and to try to be humble enough to change me so I deserve you.
Engineer Things; LOVE People
Join Date: Sep 2009
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Well, you know the BEST Holiday present for your BF?
A sober and clean YOU.
So you have 10 days for meetings, step work, and helping others.
Not such a bad deal.
“We shall be with you in the Fellowship of the Spirit as you trudge the Road of Happy Destiny.”
A sober and clean YOU.
So you have 10 days for meetings, step work, and helping others.
Not such a bad deal.
“We shall be with you in the Fellowship of the Spirit as you trudge the Road of Happy Destiny.”
Stoic
Join Date: Nov 2012
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Originally Posted by Pamel 
It has been my good fortune NOT to have killed someone while driving drunk.
That being said...You have a very long way to go.
You really think it's YOUR good fortune you didn't kill someone?
I'd say it's everyone elses.
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Originally Posted by ResignedToWait
I wish you luck in your recovery.
That being said...You have a very long way to go.
You really think it's YOUR good fortune you didn't kill someone?
I'd say it's everyone elses.
That being said...You have a very long way to go.
You really think it's YOUR good fortune you didn't kill someone?
I'd say it's everyone elses.
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Originally Posted by Hammer
Well, you know the BEST Holiday present for your BF?
A sober and clean YOU.
So you have 10 days for meetings, step work, and helping others.
Not such a bad deal.
“We shall be with you in the Fellowship of the Spirit as you trudge the Road of Happy Destiny.”
A sober and clean YOU.
So you have 10 days for meetings, step work, and helping others.
Not such a bad deal.
“We shall be with you in the Fellowship of the Spirit as you trudge the Road of Happy Destiny.”
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Originally Posted by Pamel
Thanks Hammer; exactly my thinking.
Yep.
We llloooovvvvveeeee our A's to be Working the Program.
btw, so happy for you on the dui(s) if that was what it took to get t/here.
Maybe write a Christmas Thank You letter to the Arresting Officer, Prosecuting Attorney, and Judge.
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I also should add I have had many (21+ in a row) years of sobriety thanks to AA. And, I have been on the Al-Anon side of the fence too. My (sober) AH#2 cheated on me 6 months into our marriage; took me 12 years to catch him at it. I was sober that whole time.
Also, re: traffic accidents. The latest numbers have cell phones, not drunk drivers, causing the most wrecks. BOTH SHOULD BE PUNISHED.
So... while casting stones (rightfully) at drunk drivers, ask yourself honestly: "Have I ever driven with a cell phone to my ear?". A person recently in this area, ran over a pedestrian, had him pinned under her car, and was still on the phone when the police arrived.
It is clear what my transgression has been, but I have to wish that people using cellphones while driving should deal with similar consequences.
Also, re: traffic accidents. The latest numbers have cell phones, not drunk drivers, causing the most wrecks. BOTH SHOULD BE PUNISHED.
So... while casting stones (rightfully) at drunk drivers, ask yourself honestly: "Have I ever driven with a cell phone to my ear?". A person recently in this area, ran over a pedestrian, had him pinned under her car, and was still on the phone when the police arrived.
It is clear what my transgression has been, but I have to wish that people using cellphones while driving should deal with similar consequences.
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Originally Posted by Hammer
Yep.
We llloooovvvvveeeee our A's to be Working the Program.
btw, so happy for you on the dui(s) if that was what it took to get t/here.
Maybe write a Christmas Thank You letter to the Arresting Officer, Prosecuting Attorney, and Judge.
We llloooovvvvveeeee our A's to be Working the Program.
btw, so happy for you on the dui(s) if that was what it took to get t/here.
Maybe write a Christmas Thank You letter to the Arresting Officer, Prosecuting Attorney, and Judge.
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Originally Posted by Pamel
Yup. BTW, what are you "resigned to wait" for?
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Congrats Pamel. You won't be a number forever - and the REAL YOU is great thing to work towards being! And that will be such a gift to everyone around you as well. Best of luck - nothing worth attaining is easy. You can do this! FOR YOU!
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Nope...you are not a number. We all have some sort of number, but we always always remain people with a personality and a soul. Never forget that.
People make mistakes. Smart people learn from them and do not repeat said bad behaviors.
So you are a person with a number, so what. In the mean time, look at how far you have progressed. Good for you. Congrats on working on your recovery, I wish you the very best and hope you proceed with such a postivie attitude.
God Bless!
People make mistakes. Smart people learn from them and do not repeat said bad behaviors.
So you are a person with a number, so what. In the mean time, look at how far you have progressed. Good for you. Congrats on working on your recovery, I wish you the very best and hope you proceed with such a postivie attitude.
God Bless!
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Originally Posted by ResignedToWait
It was a reference to the powerlessness I had over my wife's addiction...that the only thing I could do is wait, for her to want to recover, or for her to allow the addiction to kill her. So far, it's the latter.
At AA meetings it is quite routine to say "Let us pray for the alcoholic who still suffers." Although we As suffer, I have come to believe it is so much harder on those who love us.
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Thanks for your well wishes all; I intend to be here a lot in the coming weeks and I appreciate the support.
Ironically, I was just out on an errand, and a woman who was on her cell phone made a cross-the-road turn right in front of me. She might have made it but when she realized what was happening, she stopped. Thank goodness I was sober and hit the brakes. Did make me think though: If I had been drinking and hit her, even though she was in the wrong, I am sure I would have been arrested and she would have gotten a slap on the wrist.
No sympathy intended either way; it is just such a joy to be sober.
Ironically, I was just out on an errand, and a woman who was on her cell phone made a cross-the-road turn right in front of me. She might have made it but when she realized what was happening, she stopped. Thank goodness I was sober and hit the brakes. Did make me think though: If I had been drinking and hit her, even though she was in the wrong, I am sure I would have been arrested and she would have gotten a slap on the wrist.
No sympathy intended either way; it is just such a joy to be sober.
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Hey, this is no reference to Pamel, at all. But since this thread sort of went into DUI, etc.
A couple of interesting stories -- Dallas based . . .
For Those Who Drink, Drive and Kill, "Affluenza" Outcome Isn't Uncommon, Especially If They Have Money
Many Dallas County drivers found to get only probation in DWI manslaughter cases | Dallas Morning News
A couple of interesting stories -- Dallas based . . .
For Those Who Drink, Drive and Kill, "Affluenza" Outcome Isn't Uncommon, Especially If They Have Money
Many Dallas County drivers found to get only probation in DWI manslaughter cases | Dallas Morning News
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DUI is a serious crime. It is not only a driving offense but a criminal offense also. I'm not sure if comparing people on cell phones with drunk drivers is all that helpful. They both are dangerous. The problem is that the police have not yet invented a good way to bust cell phone talkers. With DUI's it is very easy to get proof with the breathylizer machine.
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Originally Posted by Upsetnneedhelp
DUI is a serious crime. It is not only a driving offense but a criminal offense also. I'm not sure if comparing people on cell phones with drunk drivers is all that helpful. They both are dangerous. The problem is that the police have not yet invented a good way to bust cell phone talkers. With DUI's it is very easy to get proof with the breathylizer machine.
About the same as the Liquor and Cigarette Industry.
Just Bidness.
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I guess MADD needs a splinter group to get some action on this. Until they became so vocal about drunk driving it was common to regard it as slap-on-the-wrist offense. It is time to call cell phone driving a serious crime also. Just because it is not already officially a criminal offense doesn't mean it shouldn't be.
But I sound like I am trying to lesson DUI offenses. Not so.
It is very troubling the message sent to that young man that being "affluent" is tantamount to a free ride without consequences. He is, apparently, going to a $250,000.00 a year rehab!! I, too, went to a rehab (very modest, but good) where I met a number of trust fund babies who were on their double-digit rehab; one young man was in for his 19th!!! time.
...and the smoking industry killed my Mother, not her quadruple bypass surgery.
Actually, Hammer, I WAS NOT aware that the cell phone industry was so heavily vested in this. Guess I should have known...
But I sound like I am trying to lesson DUI offenses. Not so.
It is very troubling the message sent to that young man that being "affluent" is tantamount to a free ride without consequences. He is, apparently, going to a $250,000.00 a year rehab!! I, too, went to a rehab (very modest, but good) where I met a number of trust fund babies who were on their double-digit rehab; one young man was in for his 19th!!! time.
...and the smoking industry killed my Mother, not her quadruple bypass surgery.
Actually, Hammer, I WAS NOT aware that the cell phone industry was so heavily vested in this. Guess I should have known...
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