What is the most frustrating advice a normie has given re dealing with an alcoholic?
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Originally Posted by Redheadsusie 
From MIL- Hang in there - he will slow down when he is around 60 - Oh great ~ We were 35 when we met and she said this!
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1. You will just have to go back to him then (my mother when AH refused to pay child support for 7 weeks)
2. Well then divorce him (family doctor when I told him AH was out of control binging and driving drunk with children in his car - but then next yesr wrote to judge saying AH was not an A and should have all 4 children for a 5-week unsupervised visit last summer)
3. Have you tried talking to him? (Another good one from my mother)
4. You should write to him because he might kill himself otherwise and then wouldn't you feel guilty that you didn't communicate with him? (Neighbo/friend)
5. I am sensing a lot of build up here. You should talk to each other ( marital counselor upon learning AH was on a binge and scaring me)
6. Maybe you should return to your lovely house (where AH lives) because he isn't a real alcoholic. He doesn't live in the park or beg for money ( I canned this particular therapist)
I am grateful to have (largely) retained my sanity. The world is mad!
Happy thanksgiving everyone!!!
2. Well then divorce him (family doctor when I told him AH was out of control binging and driving drunk with children in his car - but then next yesr wrote to judge saying AH was not an A and should have all 4 children for a 5-week unsupervised visit last summer)
3. Have you tried talking to him? (Another good one from my mother)
4. You should write to him because he might kill himself otherwise and then wouldn't you feel guilty that you didn't communicate with him? (Neighbo/friend)
5. I am sensing a lot of build up here. You should talk to each other ( marital counselor upon learning AH was on a binge and scaring me)
6. Maybe you should return to your lovely house (where AH lives) because he isn't a real alcoholic. He doesn't live in the park or beg for money ( I canned this particular therapist)
I am grateful to have (largely) retained my sanity. The world is mad!
Happy thanksgiving everyone!!!
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Originally Posted by PippiLngstockng
6. Maybe you should return to your lovely house (where AH lives) because he isn't a real alcoholic. He doesn't live in the park or beg for money ( I canned this particular therapist)
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Join Date: Aug 2013
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lol. This is funny.
From our couples therapist who said she also specializes in alcoholism:
--"Can you guys have a code word where you ( ME ) tell him when you guys are out that he is overdoing it and he can stop for the rest of the night?" I let him answer that one on his own.
--When he went to her ready to go to rehab: Oh rehab is a waste of money. I have a free program that is a trial for a new pill. one is a placebo and one is real. you can sign up at the local university. (?!?! ) we left after that needless to say. he went back to drinking after 2 weeks. what an idiot dr.
--From a friend of ours: You guys have different lifestyles. Maybe it would be better for him to be with someone else who suits his lifestyle and this mess wouldn't be happening.
--From another friend: If I were his girlfriend, I would call his parents , and throw his butt in a rehab. I don't know how you sit there and watch him kill himself.
--From my father: You really need to try and say things without such an edge on them. That is why he has issues with talking to you and dealing with you.
From our couples therapist who said she also specializes in alcoholism:
--"Can you guys have a code word where you ( ME ) tell him when you guys are out that he is overdoing it and he can stop for the rest of the night?" I let him answer that one on his own.
--When he went to her ready to go to rehab: Oh rehab is a waste of money. I have a free program that is a trial for a new pill. one is a placebo and one is real. you can sign up at the local university. (?!?! ) we left after that needless to say. he went back to drinking after 2 weeks. what an idiot dr.
--From a friend of ours: You guys have different lifestyles. Maybe it would be better for him to be with someone else who suits his lifestyle and this mess wouldn't be happening.
--From another friend: If I were his girlfriend, I would call his parents , and throw his butt in a rehab. I don't know how you sit there and watch him kill himself.
--From my father: You really need to try and say things without such an edge on them. That is why he has issues with talking to you and dealing with you.
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Join Date: Apr 2013
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Oh PippiLongstocking your post is so sad - we trust therapists and doctors don't we? Do you think doctor was scared of being sued by your AH? This seems to be the case re some of the medical profession in the uk in my opinion.
I had to laugh at the 'slow down at 60' - mine is 74 and drinking more than ever!
I had to laugh at the 'slow down at 60' - mine is 74 and drinking more than ever!
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Originally Posted by Redheadsusie
From MIL- Hang in there - he will slow down when he is around 60 - Oh great ~ We were 35 when we met and she said this!
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Location: Baltimore, MD
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'You know, your wife is under a lot of pressure, being stay at home mom with 4 kids and all'
(my mother lost her whole family during wwII, was widowed with 4 minor kids, one with special needs, to raise, and never had a job in her life. My wife's mother was stay at home with 5 kids. Based on this, our moms shoulda been binge drinking beer buddies of monumental proportions. But my mother wasn't. Was yours? No.)
'You're too extreme not letting her have drink at the end of the day after taking care of the kids'.
(Talking to her sister- Not the point. If she can't walk away from it, like that cigerette you're smoking, even at the cost of her family's well being, then its an addiction.)
A former friend: 'Just tell her to stop drinking or kick the bit** to the curb'.
(Just how effective is that method?). POST NOTE: I've heard mixed reviews on this one, and some recovering A's said its what persuaded them to seek help.
(my mother lost her whole family during wwII, was widowed with 4 minor kids, one with special needs, to raise, and never had a job in her life. My wife's mother was stay at home with 5 kids. Based on this, our moms shoulda been binge drinking beer buddies of monumental proportions. But my mother wasn't. Was yours? No.)
'You're too extreme not letting her have drink at the end of the day after taking care of the kids'.
(Talking to her sister- Not the point. If she can't walk away from it, like that cigerette you're smoking, even at the cost of her family's well being, then its an addiction.)
A former friend: 'Just tell her to stop drinking or kick the bit** to the curb'.
(Just how effective is that method?). POST NOTE: I've heard mixed reviews on this one, and some recovering A's said its what persuaded them to seek help.
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Another one from me....courtesy of my well meaning mother (a raging codie herself)...
"Perhaps you and AH need to book a weekend away together without the kids, Im sure that will make things better".
Yep...I need to be locked in a hotel room with him for a weekend whilst he is either morose or drinking.
And if it does work....well I'll starting hiring myself out to other A's and make my fortune in curing them all.
And yes I realise that I am feeling overly angry at these normie comments and will take it to my therapist. I'm sure it is another symptom of my own problems. I KNOW people mean well and don't deserve my resentment, and nor is it healthy for me.
"Perhaps you and AH need to book a weekend away together without the kids, Im sure that will make things better".
Yep...I need to be locked in a hotel room with him for a weekend whilst he is either morose or drinking.
And if it does work....well I'll starting hiring myself out to other A's and make my fortune in curing them all.
And yes I realise that I am feeling overly angry at these normie comments and will take it to my therapist. I'm sure it is another symptom of my own problems. I KNOW people mean well and don't deserve my resentment, and nor is it healthy for me.
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Originally Posted by Redheadsusie
From MIL- Hang in there - he will slow down when he is around 60 - Oh great ~ We were 35 when we met and she said this!
Last year I cleaned up all the HIDDEN vomit I found in our spare room after my 72yo AFIL had stayed for the night.
I'm thinking your MIL may be wrong
Although AH told me the same thing....he thinks he'll keep going til he gets "too old and too tired" to keep drinking at the same rate!!
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Join Date: Nov 2012
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oh I have a few! My husband didn't drink, he is an addict, but I hope no one minds if I join in!
Grandma: " follow him to the dealers house so you can go get him and bring him home"
ya grandma good way to get myself killed.
Pastor: "your husband is not a Christian. If he was, he wouldn't act that way."
wow. just wow.
Family friend: "It says in the Bible you should divorce him because of his addiction"
really?! what verse?
another so called friend "trick him into adultery so you can divorce him"
My dad " He is going to jail tomorrow, I know he went out and used but don't make him sleep in the cold"
My house, my boundary. No one who is under the influence of alcohol or drugs are allowed in my house.
My best friend from school: "what's wrong with keeping your jewelry in a safe deposit box at the bank? Its better that way. you should sell your wedding rings and get stainless steel and glass instead so he cant hock them"
ummmm... what if I actually want to WEAR them? My rings are very modest, but still... get fake just so my own husband wont steal them from me?!? REALLY??!!!
Grandma: " follow him to the dealers house so you can go get him and bring him home"
ya grandma good way to get myself killed.
Pastor: "your husband is not a Christian. If he was, he wouldn't act that way."
wow. just wow.
Family friend: "It says in the Bible you should divorce him because of his addiction"
really?! what verse?
another so called friend "trick him into adultery so you can divorce him"
My dad " He is going to jail tomorrow, I know he went out and used but don't make him sleep in the cold"
My house, my boundary. No one who is under the influence of alcohol or drugs are allowed in my house.
My best friend from school: "what's wrong with keeping your jewelry in a safe deposit box at the bank? Its better that way. you should sell your wedding rings and get stainless steel and glass instead so he cant hock them"
ummmm... what if I actually want to WEAR them? My rings are very modest, but still... get fake just so my own husband wont steal them from me?!? REALLY??!!!
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haha I'm sorry, but some of these comments you people receive are ludicrous!
These kinds of comments come from ignorance and let's face it when it comes to the word alcoholic, I think it makes people feel uncomfortable and they don't know how to respond. They want to be helpful, but really, EPIC FAIL!
These kinds of comments come from ignorance and let's face it when it comes to the word alcoholic, I think it makes people feel uncomfortable and they don't know how to respond. They want to be helpful, but really, EPIC FAIL!
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"put your foot down and make him" < wouldn't that be nice
"maybe you should be more understanding, what are you doing to make him unhappy?" < lol i am the one unhappy but good try.
"Try drinking with him. " <ughhh no, why don't you?
I find that there are two ways normies look at an alcoholic situation
1. with normal advice and expectations or 2. with outlandish misunderstandings to addiction.
Once in awhile you find someone who though not close to addiction gets it. hang on to that normie and don't let go!! lol
"maybe you should be more understanding, what are you doing to make him unhappy?" < lol i am the one unhappy but good try.
"Try drinking with him. " <ughhh no, why don't you?
I find that there are two ways normies look at an alcoholic situation
1. with normal advice and expectations or 2. with outlandish misunderstandings to addiction.
Once in awhile you find someone who though not close to addiction gets it. hang on to that normie and don't let go!! lol
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Join Date: Apr 2013
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Thanks to everyone who responded. I am sorry you have been subjected to these often mega hurtful remarks but you have made me feel less alone. I do think a lot of people are ignorant not malicious and maybe do not realise how hurtful it can be to those of us in the early stages of 'detaching' for me it was one step forward two back .....
But I do find it hard to forgive the professionals - doctors and therapists. In fairness, in the Uk, doctors get very little training in alcohol abuse, especially the elderly and it is a growing problem.....they are too into 'political correctness' and are terrified of being sued in my opinion. I guess educating them is the key but it all comes down to priorities and funding! It isn't actually illegal to drink oneself to death and the medical profession often only seem to react when alcoholism is well advanced and life threatening. But this is just my opinion .......thanks for letting me rant.
But I do find it hard to forgive the professionals - doctors and therapists. In fairness, in the Uk, doctors get very little training in alcohol abuse, especially the elderly and it is a growing problem.....they are too into 'political correctness' and are terrified of being sued in my opinion. I guess educating them is the key but it all comes down to priorities and funding! It isn't actually illegal to drink oneself to death and the medical profession often only seem to react when alcoholism is well advanced and life threatening. But this is just my opinion .......thanks for letting me rant.
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I went to my psychiatrist recently (rarely go more than 1-2x a year) for some anxiety meds because things are tough now.
I related my situation with my alcoholic girlfriend and he said "At least it sounds like you two have a good time when she's not drinking."
I related my situation with my alcoholic girlfriend and he said "At least it sounds like you two have a good time when she's not drinking."
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