Tomorrow is court day and has SHE gone crazy!!!
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 1,295
Life will march on for your kids, they will get older, smarter, stronger. During those years to adulthood, their mother will either truly be there for them and everyone will get stronger, or she will be angry, raging, and full of broken promises.
Life is fluid.
You may not hold all the cards, and you may lose a hand, but it won't matter in the end...as long as you are their rock. As long as you are true to them.
If she drops the ball and isn't true to them, they will know, they will learn to not trust her, they will learn to lean only on you.
You don't have to worry about losing this little bit of control--as hard as that is to accept--the kids are going to make the right decision trust-wise in their own heads.
They are capable. Help them always be so.
The only real test is the test of time. YOU don't fail them. YOU don't worry if she does fail them. They can handle that, as long as they have one faithful parent.
All will unfold...the way it is going to unfold...you stay true, and you and they have nothing to lose from each other.
Life is fluid.
You may not hold all the cards, and you may lose a hand, but it won't matter in the end...as long as you are their rock. As long as you are true to them.
If she drops the ball and isn't true to them, they will know, they will learn to not trust her, they will learn to lean only on you.
You don't have to worry about losing this little bit of control--as hard as that is to accept--the kids are going to make the right decision trust-wise in their own heads.
They are capable. Help them always be so.
The only real test is the test of time. YOU don't fail them. YOU don't worry if she does fail them. They can handle that, as long as they have one faithful parent.
All will unfold...the way it is going to unfold...you stay true, and you and they have nothing to lose from each other.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 1,038
Wanttobehealthy hit it on the head.
In my growing experience with court, don't expect any consideration, acknowledgement, understanding, support, justice or wisdom.
Do stay calm and steady in your convictions and keep documenting because you may keep needing fresh evidence. Also, no matter what you pay anyone, the one who can be most vigilant, knowledgable and alert in court is you.
In my growing experience with court, don't expect any consideration, acknowledgement, understanding, support, justice or wisdom.
Do stay calm and steady in your convictions and keep documenting because you may keep needing fresh evidence. Also, no matter what you pay anyone, the one who can be most vigilant, knowledgable and alert in court is you.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Indiana, IL
Posts: 424
[QUOTE=wanttobehealthy;4300394]So very sorry Singledad... I was appalled at our first court hearing to have a female judge be harsh toward ME, after hearing from xAH's lawyer that his drinking was a poor coping mechanism used to cope with my mental illness. The judge listened to that load then looked at me for a defense apparently (I had a different lawyer then than I do now).
It seems that throughout this country judges are remiss to be critical of drunks. It seems time and time again no matter what the evidence is or how hurtful the drunks behaviors are for the kids, judges want to give them chance after chance....
I'm not sure thats entirely true. Judges will give someone jail time for their 3rd DUI. The Judge violated my sons parole after being home for only a few months. You are your best advocate in court when it comes to family court and first impressions with the court go a along way.
It seems that throughout this country judges are remiss to be critical of drunks. It seems time and time again no matter what the evidence is or how hurtful the drunks behaviors are for the kids, judges want to give them chance after chance....
I'm not sure thats entirely true. Judges will give someone jail time for their 3rd DUI. The Judge violated my sons parole after being home for only a few months. You are your best advocate in court when it comes to family court and first impressions with the court go a along way.
Getting there!!
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 5,750
My husband and I sought custody of his young children. Bio mom had no arrests, consistently tested clean on all drug screening and we had a mothers judge to boot. It was a long uphill battle but in the end, she showed her true colors for all to see. She lost custody, lost her meal tickets and signed over her own parental rights. It was frustrating but eventually the truth surfaces. Stay strong and positive. Your AW won't be able to keep up her charade for long.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Chicago
Posts: 5,450
Originally Posted by BlueSkies1 
Life will march on for your kids, they will get older, smarter, stronger. During those years to adulthood, their mother will either truly be there for them and everyone will get stronger, or she will be angry, raging, and full of broken promises.
Life is fluid.
You may not hold all the cards, and you may lose a hand, but it won't matter in the end...as long as you are their rock. As long as you are true to them.
If she drops the ball and isn't true to them, they will know, they will learn to not trust her, they will learn to lean only on you.
You don't have to worry about losing this little bit of control--as hard as that is to accept--the kids are going to make the right decision trust-wise in their own heads.
They are capable. Help them always be so.
The only real test is the test of time. YOU don't fail them. YOU don't worry if she does fail them. They can handle that, as long as they have one faithful parent.
All will unfold...the way it is going to unfold...you stay true, and you and they have nothing to lose from each other.
Life is fluid.
You may not hold all the cards, and you may lose a hand, but it won't matter in the end...as long as you are their rock. As long as you are true to them.
If she drops the ball and isn't true to them, they will know, they will learn to not trust her, they will learn to lean only on you.
You don't have to worry about losing this little bit of control--as hard as that is to accept--the kids are going to make the right decision trust-wise in their own heads.
They are capable. Help them always be so.
The only real test is the test of time. YOU don't fail them. YOU don't worry if she does fail them. They can handle that, as long as they have one faithful parent.
All will unfold...the way it is going to unfold...you stay true, and you and they have nothing to lose from each other.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: USA
Posts: 3,095
I was referring to drunks who don't have DUI's and who though they've terrorized their families and have flasks in their cars (under kids car seats as my xAH does) he has no arrests for his drinking so the court doesn't care one bit about his drinking. Nor does child protective services
Unfortunately courts don't act proactively, they wait until there is a proven disaster and then respond. It's unfortunate that my kids will have to be harmed or someone else harmed by Xahs drunk driving before a judge will take his drinking seriously but that seems to be how it is.
How xAH hasn't gotten a DUI is beyond me but I guess when you're drinking buddies are the cops you're apt to get away with most anything
[QUOTE=Upsetnneedhelp;4300727]
Unfortunately courts don't act proactively, they wait until there is a proven disaster and then respond. It's unfortunate that my kids will have to be harmed or someone else harmed by Xahs drunk driving before a judge will take his drinking seriously but that seems to be how it is.
How xAH hasn't gotten a DUI is beyond me but I guess when you're drinking buddies are the cops you're apt to get away with most anything
[QUOTE=Upsetnneedhelp;4300727]
Originally Posted by wanttobehealthy
So very sorry Singledad... I was appalled at our first court hearing to have a female judge be harsh toward ME, after hearing from xAH's lawyer that his drinking was a poor coping mechanism used to cope with my mental illness. The judge listened to that load then looked at me for a defense apparently (I had a different lawyer then than I do now).
It seems that throughout this country judges are remiss to be critical of drunks. It seems time and time again no matter what the evidence is or how hurtful the drunks behaviors are for the kids, judges want to give them chance after chance....
I'm not sure thats entirely true. Judges will give someone jail time for their 3rd DUI. The Judge violated my sons parole after being home for only a few months. You are your best advocate in court when it comes to family court and first impressions with the court go a along way.
It seems that throughout this country judges are remiss to be critical of drunks. It seems time and time again no matter what the evidence is or how hurtful the drunks behaviors are for the kids, judges want to give them chance after chance....
I'm not sure thats entirely true. Judges will give someone jail time for their 3rd DUI. The Judge violated my sons parole after being home for only a few months. You are your best advocate in court when it comes to family court and first impressions with the court go a along way.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 490
In my time I've had the "pleasure" of socialising, having dinner with and having the acquaintance of a few judges, magistrates and QCs. All male.
And let me tell you that ALL of them were drunks. Every single one of them. Most of them are dead or discredited/disbarred now.
In my experience, the majority of the legal fraternity in my country are off their face on alcohol. The law is a macho culture where hard drinking is seen as de-rigour.
My in-laws are police, they and their friends drink like fish.
I wonder if the fact that many judges are closet drunks may have any kind of bearing on the decisions they make when us poor, downtrodden codies (AKA FISHWIVES - that's what they think of us) plead our case to a drunken judge?
Maybe something to think about...
And let me tell you that ALL of them were drunks. Every single one of them. Most of them are dead or discredited/disbarred now.
In my experience, the majority of the legal fraternity in my country are off their face on alcohol. The law is a macho culture where hard drinking is seen as de-rigour.
My in-laws are police, they and their friends drink like fish.
I wonder if the fact that many judges are closet drunks may have any kind of bearing on the decisions they make when us poor, downtrodden codies (AKA FISHWIVES - that's what they think of us) plead our case to a drunken judge?
Maybe something to think about...
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