SingledadPolo73

So tomorrow is our first court hearing where I filed for a divorce and custody of my 3 girls. At the begining of the week, AW was calling the kids everyday sober, mind you the kids have been with me for about 2 months and she really hasnt cared to call them that often...she moved out of town, got a nice appartment by the seaside 300 miles away...
Friday morning, I had a meeting where I had no cel phone reception and when I got out, noticed that the kids school called me. I called baack and AW called them about 30 Times threatening them (teachers, head mistress) saying she was sueing them for all sorts of things (she was drunk) asking why they informed me of the attempted kidnapping. My lawyer convinsed the headmistress to write a statement that we will file tomorrow. My lawyer also said that it seems her lawyer has lost control of her client...that doesnt make me feel better. Its obvious that her lawyer told her to be sober, but AW just lost it!
During this time she keeps texting me with threats and that she wants to speak to the girls. I have been ignoring her since....which is extremly difficult, but I just want to get to our first hearing without losing control!
One of the witnesses testifying tomorrow is my longtime employee. So I get a call from him last night saying AW called him threatening him too, she said I crossed the line when I took the kids...jeez! She cried to him sayiing that she isnt eating and has lost 10kgs in a month...meanwhile, she brags about losing weight on facebook! Oh and she called my receptionist about 12 Times blocking the line telling her how she was going to take over the company, destroy me, etc...

Someone PLEASE explain how she has convinsed herself and her family that I am the bad guy and the girls should be with her. The girls are getting random texts from distant aunts all of a sudden I gave her several chances and she couldnt follow up... How could she want the kids to be even close to her???
I know, I know, stay calm! But this is just too much...Men am I exhausted!!! and this is just the begining, right?

On a side note, I have noticed that I log on to this site even before I check facebook or my emails...that is wierd right?

choublak

It's almost court day, of course she's going crazy.

Upsetnneedhelp

I'm guessing she may even show to to court drunk? That would be a huge win for you. When alcoholics go on big benders they sometimes cannot stop for anything important.

SparkleKitty

Don't waste another minute trying to figure out why. Document, and be grateful. Show up tomorrow and just BE the stable one. I know how hard it is to watch someone you care deeply for spiral out of control, but your kids need both of your feet on the ground, and your attention focused solely and squarely on them. Good luck to you. Sending strength and good karma your way.

bazzza28

Sounds like U have a lot going on inner strength to get through it am sure the kids keep you going,,stay cam at times she probably what's. A response of U so she can use it in court all the best 4 tomorrow mate hope all go,s well

AnvilheadII

stay the course. make sure you are at court, on time, and prepared. that is all that matters. her crazy behaviors do not help her case at all. she's doing you a huge favor!!!! her own attorney says he has lost control of her. you know the truth. your primary concern is your children.

godspeed my friend.

Hawkeye13

Hi Singledad;
I send you good wishes for your court date.

I'm sorry you are dealing with this but perhaps if she shows how caught she is in her addiction the judge will not risk the children alone with her.
I certainly hope so.

Can you submit the crazy texts as evidence?

NWGRITS

Yep, just focus on your side of the street. Have your documentation and statements from everyone she had contact with on her rampage. Let go of the rope and she will hang herself with it.

SingledadPolo73

Thank you All...I know you are right, but I am so, so, so tired...and I feel so worn out, bitter, angry, sad, dissapointed, betrayed, helpless!!! I have been avoiding friends that want to help but I just don't have the energy to explain what is going on to everyone...
I know I should accept the suport but ... damn, I think I'd rather just hide and be strong when I pick up the girls from school. Is this normal, am I getting depressed?

AnvilheadII

how about one day a time? today, and then tomorrow. yes you are tired, this is a very stressful situation. get some rest today, when you can. turn off the phone. you an always check messages. plan a nice dinner for you and the girls. take a nice hot shower and unwind a bit. breathe. you can't solve every problem today.

PippiLngstockng

This is going to be difficult for people to understand at all. In my experience, people believe that both parties are often to blame, and that whoever is stressed/upset can seem the guiltier one. And families often seem to align with their own sides, no matter how right or wrong.

My emotions go all over the place, too, when AH starts being a complete wingnut. It's impossible to think how I had no idea that my seemingly beautiful family life would turn into utter wreckage and madness. I get out of kilter, I have a hard time relating to people's 'normal' lives and court dates become the focus point for my energies, as are the times when AH does yet another freaky, scary thing.

Deep breaths, try to keep your calm in court and take good, loving care of yourself.

suki44883

Your attorney will take the lead in court. Attorneys do this stuff every day. That's how they make their living. Make sure your attorney has all your evidence and then let him do his thing. That's what you are paying him for. Try to breathe. It's going to be okay.

lillamy

DO NOT ENGAGE with the ex; document everything, all the threats, and in court, follow your attorney's lead.

It's like my atty said - with addicts, all you have to do is give'em enough rope...

Praying for you & the girls. They need to be solidly in your care and out of the crazy-realm.

BtheChange

How about I give your exAW my exAH's number and they can move to Isle of Wingnut together and torment each other. Wouldn't that be nice!?!

I hope you have a peaceful evening. Good luck tomorrow, we'll all be rooting for you.

wiscsober

Continue the high road...no need to react or respond to her...let your lawyer do the work.

Hawkeye13

The tension you must feel waiting for the court date would stress anyone to the max. I don't think pulling back is unhealthy or a sign of depression.

You're just plain wore out, as we say around here. Our thoughts, prayers, and good wishes are with you. Hugs to you and your kids.

BtheChange

Also, I think it's pretty normal to want to check SR before FB and email. Few people understand what you are going through like the people here. It is so comforting and helpful. I would not be as well off today if I hadn't found this site. On the heavy days--when exAH has the kids or we have a court date coming up, I lean on this forum more.

After your court date is over, and some of the drama has subsided, perhaps you could find a good counselor/therapist. It's nice to have someone who knows all the details and will let you vent, and has no personal stake in the matter. He or she will certainly know if depression is an issue, and may have good insight into how to handle things with your daughters.

Often when we get depressed it's because we've turned our anger inwards on ourselves. It was hard for me to be angry at my alcoholic husband, because I knew that it's partly a disease. Plus, expressing my anger to my ex was useless, because he had no concern for my feelings. So depression was a concern for me too, but it didn't happen. Seeing a counselor was part of how I felt I could prevent depression. I wanted help grieving, so I could remain emotionally present for my kids. It turned into something quite different, but I'm still glad I did it.

Peace,
B

Mightyqueen801

Best wishes tomorrow. And remember, she is an alcoholic. This is expected behavior.

A woman I knew years ago--a junkie and an alcoholic--easily lost custody of her kids to her ex. She was friends for a time with one of my brothers, and she used to be at our house going on and on about how she was going to go to court and fight and get her kids back. I remember looking at her in disbelief thinking there was no way in HELL this woman was EVER going to get custody of her children and wondering how she could possibly even think that she could. Her ex was a decent guy, now remarried, with a home and stablity, and one of her children had Down's syndrome and was in a good special needs school...she seemed so out of touch with reality. And that she was. Drugs and alcohol will do that to your brain.

You'll get through this, and you'll be OK.

Upsetnneedhelp

As suki stated, let the lawyers handle it. Thats why they get the big bucks. If the court time is early enough you could request a breathalyzer on her and she might still have alcohol in her system from the previous night.

LightInside

I'll do some praying for you and yours, single Dad. It does sound to me like you'll be able to breathe a little deeper after this court date. Remember how strong you are and how much you have going for you.