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My Son Has Been Re-Arrested

Old 10-15-2013, 06:39 PM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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I'm at a loss as to what a persons bottom in their addiction is. I simply cannot see my son ever stopping the drug use. He will resort to his old tricks in prison and probably continue to use. His parole agent came by and seemed kinda sad for him. She told me he seemed very genuine the first few weeks out of prison. She had to pick up the ankle monitor box and said it is very rare for a long term offender to change. She had the arrest report and said it looked really bad. He could of been shot by the cop that he rammed. I heard a scary stat that 92% of all inmates in the US will return to society. Why not provide them with opportunities to change?
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Old 10-15-2013, 06:44 PM
  # 22 (permalink)  
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Do you think that if anyone gave him another opportunity he would actually take it? seems like he has his own agenda....

I am very sorry for your pain, but he has no respect for you or society. You are fearful of your OWN SON. He knows that mama will provide whether he is in society or prison.

there are many people on this forum whose children have gone to prison, the results are mixed.

I hope that you can find some peace within yourself without enabling him further.

and btw, I am the alcoholic.
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Old 10-15-2013, 06:57 PM
  # 23 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Upsetnneedhelp View Post
I'm at a loss as to what a persons bottom in their addiction is. I simply cannot see my son ever stopping the drug use. He will resort to his old tricks in prison and probably continue to use. His parole agent came by and seemed kinda sad for him. She told me he seemed very genuine the first few weeks out of prison. She had to pick up the ankle monitor box and said it is very rare for a long term offender to change. She had the arrest report and said it looked really bad. He could of been shot by the cop that he rammed. I heard a scary stat that 92% of all inmates in the US will return to society. Why not provide them with opportunities to change?
Everyone's bottom is different. Unfortunately, some people's bottom is death. It all depends on the addict. Everyone can come up with multiple excuses why they can't stay clean and sober. The ones who win, are those who are willing to fight, regardless of those excuses.
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Old 10-16-2013, 06:56 AM
  # 24 (permalink)  
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((upset))

Good Morning - just stopping by to check on you this morning ~

In the words of one of my granddaughters' favorite cartoon movies ~ Chicken Little "Today is a new day"

I pray today finds you with a little more peace, calmness and determination to find serenity regardless of the actions of your son ~ YOU deserve that.

For me, in my journey ~ many times each morning started with looking in the mirror saying "Good Morning Higher Power, we made it through yesterday. Thanks. Help me remember there is nothing I am going to face today that you & I can't handle together - now let's go & have a great day. Amen."

Wishing you the best ~

pink hugs (hope, unity, gratitude & serenity)
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Old 10-16-2013, 07:34 AM
  # 25 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Upsetnneedhelp View Post
He never stole from me though at least.
What about the $20,000 you are willing to spend on a lawyer. He's stealing your financial future, but you don't see it that way.
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Old 10-16-2013, 09:07 AM
  # 26 (permalink)  
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I'm so sorry you're going through this Upset.
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Old 10-16-2013, 09:15 AM
  # 27 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Upsetnneedhelp View Post
My son is currently being charged with possession of a gun by a felon, drugs and attempt murder of law enforcement. He rammed a police car while trying to get away. His bond will be close to 1 million. I guess he couldn't adjust to normal society. I will have to buy him his television and send him the canteen funds again. I know some will say I shouldn't but he deserves to have snacks and hygiene items. His friend is angry with him cause it was his car and it has been seized for investigation purposes. I'm surprised he wasn't charged with DUI because he was extremely high and been up for days. I may have to refinance the house if I decide to get him a lawyer. Addiction is horrible.
Im sorry about your son. Im also sorry that hes doing this to you not just himself. you keep carrying his weight and its breaking your heart. as a parent i know this because it would break mine. Addiction is horrible and so is the mind that it holds. he had you , he had help...he could have taken advantage of that instead he allowed his life to spiral out of control. Im not sure what your son is looking at but i hope he sobers up and thinks about his life and makes changes to it. in or out of jail....a bible.....aa....reading materials and acceptance that his life has become unraveled to addiction and to the choices that led him there. prayers and hugs
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Old 10-16-2013, 09:16 AM
  # 28 (permalink)  
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For me, in my journey ~ many times each morning started with looking in the mirror saying "Good Morning Higher Power, we made it through yesterday. Thanks. Help me remember there is nothing I am going to face today that you & I can't handle together - now let's go & have a great day. Amen."
Thank you, MsPINK. I think that's a wonderful way to start each day.
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Old 10-16-2013, 10:13 AM
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Dear Upsetneed help, I am thinking about you, today. One mother to another. If I were there I would just hug you!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Old 10-16-2013, 11:16 AM
  # 30 (permalink)  
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His bond was a half a million dolllars which I find too high. At least he didn't get a DUI. I feel especially bad for his 2 kids. My grandchildren are not really surprised though. He should of went to the half way house but they insisted he would be better off with me. I blame the department of corrections for the help they provided. Now tax payers will be back paying for his living environment. They should of provided some job training.
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Old 10-16-2013, 11:29 AM
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Job training doesn't cure addiction.
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Old 10-16-2013, 11:30 AM
  # 32 (permalink)  
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I'm curious, do you live in Indiana or Illinois?
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Old 10-16-2013, 11:30 AM
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Upsetneedhelp---I do agree with you that our criminal justice system is broken in many, many places. Simply warehousing people does not do anything toward rehabilitation. I wish it were different.

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Old 10-16-2013, 11:41 AM
  # 34 (permalink)  
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choublak, on the border in East Chicago, IN.
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Old 10-16-2013, 12:16 PM
  # 35 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Florence View Post
Job training doesn't cure addiction.
It may not but addiction effects lower income folks the most. Of course, job or not, my son always found ways to obtain drugs. Over the years I went to a few Alanon meetings and just didn't relate. Their qualifiers were getting dui's and other mischief while my son was completing a 8 year prison sentence. Amazingly, my daughter is a RN nurse and married with kids. She gave up on him many years ago.
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Old 10-16-2013, 12:19 PM
  # 36 (permalink)  
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I was hesitating about posting that one and ultimately, it is up to him as you are powerless over his addiction.
I think NA has it too but Alcoholic Anonymous has a program which work with inmates. There are meetings in a lot of prisons where AA members come weekly from the outside to share their experience, strenghts and hopes.
There is also a program where inmates are paired up with a sponsor/pen pal (of the same sex of course) who helps them work through the steps. Recently the Grapevine had an issue about people finding sobriety in prison.
AA has also a program to help prisoners who just got released.
Obviously he is not ready right now but if he wants to change and get sober, there is help even in prison and it is free.
The committee which facilitates that is called Hospital and Institution.
There is always a glimmer of hope.

Be kind to yourself
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Old 10-16-2013, 12:22 PM
  # 37 (permalink)  
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People think I gave up on my brother years ago too. I didn't. I spent years trying to help him. Fly out to his new location and spend money putting his place together. Bailing him out of jail. Finding a lawyer. Trying to find work for him. Getting him into rehabs. Sitting at his bedside in ICU more than once. He was never truly appreciative, and would always get hurtful and mean when he drank.
I finally realized that I could "let go or be dragged". I had to respect that no matter what I did, he was making his own choices. I hated his choices, still do, but they're his to make. So I detached. I keep a distance, I do not get involved. I do not rescue. I will always love him as my brother, but he is not in my hands...he's on his own path. He knows if he ever decides to work on recovery I am here for him. Don't know your daughter, but can understand her decision.
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Old 10-16-2013, 12:25 PM
  # 38 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Upsetnneedhelp View Post
It may not but addiction effects lower income folks the most.
I agree that the consequences of addiction are must harsher on lower income people. I work in homeless shelters and a lot of my guys are on DOC, released straight from prison into homelessness.
This is not the forum for me to get on my soapbox about social justice though but like I mentioned in a previous post, a good way to change things we think are unfair is to get involved and organize.
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Old 10-16-2013, 12:27 PM
  # 39 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Upsetnneedhelp View Post
It may not but addiction effects lower income folks the most. Of course, job or not, my son always found ways to obtain drugs. Over the years I went to a few Alanon meetings and just didn't relate. Their qualifiers were getting dui's and other mischief while my son was completing a 8 year prison sentence. Amazingly, my daughter is a RN nurse and married with kids. She gave up on him many years ago.
You cant put blame elsewhere because weve seen people with jobs , families, non prison, wealthy and educated go down with addiction .
Weve seen people lose to addiction and people rise. Even people who are poor abused etc quit and get help. However I do agree that he should in no way whatso ever have been living at home. There should be a BETTER way to educate, and rehabilitate rather than putting the treatment center as the families responsibility.we are all here because we know that is NOT how treatment works. It upsets me to no end that they put that on you as the "best" option
.they should have mandatory classes in prison taught by guards lol
Even about the simplistics of life. Living and Opportunity.
Theres a much better way ..that the number of re offenders could be cut down.
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Old 10-16-2013, 12:51 PM
  # 40 (permalink)  
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The teachings of programs is NOT the guards duty. The prisons have hired others to do these jobs. They have councilors and such available to every inmate who wants it. If an inmate doesn't want it, they don't get it. Plain n simple.
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