The membership's new, the problem isn't
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Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Chicago
Posts: 5,450
Originally Posted by Snood 
So do I just ignore 6 bottles in 4 days and let her go downhill?
So do I invite her to drop dead of an infarct, like her Mum did? Or should it be liver cancer, like her Dad?
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Nutmegger
Posts: 1,799
You are doing her taxes because you promised? What about the fact that she promised to love and honor you?
There is a great book..Dance of Anger, also Dance of Intimacy.
The reason I have such a strong reaction to this is that I have lived it. Guess what? My marriage was headed straight downhill, but I didn't even realize that I was the one in charge. I was so focused on him, so what was left for me?
In every relationship there is a pursuer and a distancer. In healthy relationships this stays pretty much in balance, every now and then you shift roles or the dynamic becomes more apparent. In unhealthy relationships one person is perpetually distancing;bad behavior, put downs, addiction, unpredictability. The pursuer is so focused on the other person that they lose sight of themselves.
What is important is to realize that if YOU shift your behavior, things have to change. Right now you have assigned roles. You can't change her, I am sorry but if she is going to drink herself into oblivion it is her choice. She is as aware of the consequences as you.
Being "patience personified" is not healthy for you. I had an intense job when I first met my husband. After we were married I didn't work for a few years. I had worked since I was 14 so I didn't know what to do with myself. So I shifted all the focus to him. Big mistake. He didn't fall in love with me because I was helpless and needy, he fell in love with a capable and self-sufficient woman. I saw myself becoming this crazy nut always checking where he was, I have never been so miserable.
I went back to work, put my energy back into something that made me feel fulfilled. That was 16 years ago. We have a very good marriage now. I don't work now, but I am a different person than I was then. My husband calls me 4 times a day and says where are you? I'm busy, I have a lot of interests. I love him very much, but I had to learn to love myself first before the marriage could work.
I didn't realize how much power I had given away until I took it back.
NOT AGAINST HER, FOR YOU....there is no downside to that. If the marriage works it will help. If the marriage doesn't work you are going to need to have both feet underneath you. And if those 2 feet happen to be wearing bunny slippers while you eat McDonalds in the rain....then so be it!
There is a great book..Dance of Anger, also Dance of Intimacy.
The reason I have such a strong reaction to this is that I have lived it. Guess what? My marriage was headed straight downhill, but I didn't even realize that I was the one in charge. I was so focused on him, so what was left for me?
In every relationship there is a pursuer and a distancer. In healthy relationships this stays pretty much in balance, every now and then you shift roles or the dynamic becomes more apparent. In unhealthy relationships one person is perpetually distancing;bad behavior, put downs, addiction, unpredictability. The pursuer is so focused on the other person that they lose sight of themselves.
What is important is to realize that if YOU shift your behavior, things have to change. Right now you have assigned roles. You can't change her, I am sorry but if she is going to drink herself into oblivion it is her choice. She is as aware of the consequences as you.
Being "patience personified" is not healthy for you. I had an intense job when I first met my husband. After we were married I didn't work for a few years. I had worked since I was 14 so I didn't know what to do with myself. So I shifted all the focus to him. Big mistake. He didn't fall in love with me because I was helpless and needy, he fell in love with a capable and self-sufficient woman. I saw myself becoming this crazy nut always checking where he was, I have never been so miserable.
I went back to work, put my energy back into something that made me feel fulfilled. That was 16 years ago. We have a very good marriage now. I don't work now, but I am a different person than I was then. My husband calls me 4 times a day and says where are you? I'm busy, I have a lot of interests. I love him very much, but I had to learn to love myself first before the marriage could work.
I didn't realize how much power I had given away until I took it back.
NOT AGAINST HER, FOR YOU....there is no downside to that. If the marriage works it will help. If the marriage doesn't work you are going to need to have both feet underneath you. And if those 2 feet happen to be wearing bunny slippers while you eat McDonalds in the rain....then so be it!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: PA
Posts: 2,728
The thing with living in an alcoholic fueled relationship is that NOTHING is promised. I think it's safe to say that we all find this out the hard way at some point.
It's not about you breaking a promise. It's about you not enabling her.
Let her do it.
What I'd like to see from you is a post of what you did for YOU today, which didn't include HER! Did you get that bow? Did you take it to the bow shop and have it adjusted for you yet? Have you shot it? Do you do 3D hunting at a sportsmen's club? Do you hunt? Lets talk about YOU!
It's not about you breaking a promise. It's about you not enabling her.
Let her do it.
What I'd like to see from you is a post of what you did for YOU today, which didn't include HER! Did you get that bow? Did you take it to the bow shop and have it adjusted for you yet? Have you shot it? Do you do 3D hunting at a sportsmen's club? Do you hunt? Lets talk about YOU!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 16
Originally Posted by BoxinRotz
The thing with living in an alcoholic fueled relationship is that NOTHING is promised. I think it's safe to say that we all find this out the hard way at some point.
It's not about you breaking a promise. It's about you not enabling her.
Let her do it.
What I'd like to see from you is a post of what you did for YOU today, which didn't include HER! Did you get that bow? Did you take it to the bow shop and have it adjusted for you yet? Have you shot it? Do you do 3D hunting at a sportsmen's club? Do you hunt? Lets talk about YOU!
It's not about you breaking a promise. It's about you not enabling her.
Let her do it.
What I'd like to see from you is a post of what you did for YOU today, which didn't include HER! Did you get that bow? Did you take it to the bow shop and have it adjusted for you yet? Have you shot it? Do you do 3D hunting at a sportsmen's club? Do you hunt? Lets talk about YOU!
Do you purchase bows just to annoy widely, or do you actually hunt? And if so, what? I hunt deer, turkey and pheasant on my land. Of course, here in the states, we're allowed to have guns.
Are you involved in al-anon?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Kendal, Cumbria UK
Posts: 129
Thank you again, board members.
I currently shoot with the bow in the pic - it belongs to the club I'm in and I shoot target at various ranges, indoors and out. My back's too duff to do field shooting (rubber animals) and I've never killed anything in my life.
Two nights per week, I shoot a rifle club target gun, .22 calibre bolt-action, single shot rimfire, benchrest at 25 metres - scores hover around mid-90s, 99 best ever.
I bought a bow because the club one isn't mine, it's on loan. It's also a bit short for me so the new one (Merlin XT, 30-inch draw, 50lb weight) is the right size/weight and MINE.
Wifey (not widely
) won't have a bow in the house and I'm not even allowed to have a firearms certificate, which you need, to even think of owning a gun in the UK.
She's at the doc's now, with a lump on the wrist. We also have to measure her BP morning and night. Once again, wonder why?
I currently shoot with the bow in the pic - it belongs to the club I'm in and I shoot target at various ranges, indoors and out. My back's too duff to do field shooting (rubber animals) and I've never killed anything in my life.
Two nights per week, I shoot a rifle club target gun, .22 calibre bolt-action, single shot rimfire, benchrest at 25 metres - scores hover around mid-90s, 99 best ever.
I bought a bow because the club one isn't mine, it's on loan. It's also a bit short for me so the new one (Merlin XT, 30-inch draw, 50lb weight) is the right size/weight and MINE.
Wifey (not widely
) won't have a bow in the house and I'm not even allowed to have a firearms certificate, which you need, to even think of owning a gun in the UK. She's at the doc's now, with a lump on the wrist. We also have to measure her BP morning and night. Once again, wonder why?
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: PA
Posts: 2,728
I want a new bow! Looking into a BOWTECH HEARTBREAKER for next bow season. I'm going into this season with my BOWTECH DIAMOND RAZOR with 45lb draw. Shooting Exodus 100g fixed broad heads. Our season starts on October 5th.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 16
Originally Posted by Snood
Thank you again, board members.
I currently shoot with the bow in the pic - it belongs to the club I'm in and I shoot target at various ranges, indoors and out. My back's too duff to do field shooting (rubber animals) and I've never killed anything in my life.
Two nights per week, I shoot a rifle club target gun, .22 calibre bolt-action, single shot rimfire, benchrest at 25 metres - scores hover around mid-90s, 99 best ever.
I bought a bow because the club one isn't mine, it's on loan. It's also a bit short for me so the new one (Merlin XT, 30-inch draw, 50lb weight) is the right size/weight and MINE.
Wifey (not widely) won't have a bow in the house and I'm not even allowed to have a firearms certificate, which you need, to even think of owning a gun in the UK.
She's at the doc's now, with a lump on the wrist. We also have to measure her BP morning
and night. Once again, wonder why?
I currently shoot with the bow in the pic - it belongs to the club I'm in and I shoot target at various ranges, indoors and out. My back's too duff to do field shooting (rubber animals) and I've never killed anything in my life.
Two nights per week, I shoot a rifle club target gun, .22 calibre bolt-action, single shot rimfire, benchrest at 25 metres - scores hover around mid-90s, 99 best ever.
I bought a bow because the club one isn't mine, it's on loan. It's also a bit short for me so the new one (Merlin XT, 30-inch draw, 50lb weight) is the right size/weight and MINE.
Wifey (not widely
) won't have a bow in the house and I'm not even allowed to have a firearms certificate, which you need, to even think of owning a gun in the UK. She's at the doc's now, with a lump on the wrist. We also have to measure her BP morning
and night. Once again, wonder why?
"Widely" was the unfortunate result of my tablet's "auto-correct".
. 22. caliber bolt action rifles are starter guns for kids here...but they're fun for plinking around. Okay vermin guns if you're a decent shot. Have you considered attending al-anon?
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Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: PA
Posts: 2,728
Originally Posted by foppish1
Okay vermin guns if you're a decent shot.
I use the 20 gauge #4shot when leaves are on the tree n then break out the Marlin 22 bolt once the leaves drop. Omg... so much fun! Then, it's BBQ squirrel time!!!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Kendal, Cumbria UK
Posts: 129
Pic of the bow that's on its way!
Even .22 cal maximum semi-auto takes a lot of licensing here, worse than shotgun.
Never been keen on killing but I find target a terrific challenge.
Off to see 'Lone Ranger' tonight...alone.
Even .22 cal maximum semi-auto takes a lot of licensing here, worse than shotgun.
Never been keen on killing but I find target a terrific challenge.
Off to see 'Lone Ranger' tonight...alone.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Kendal, Cumbria UK
Posts: 129
So I really enjoyed last night's film, kind of Pirates of the Caribbean meets Wells Fargo, and witty with it! Returned home at 11:30 ish to find wifey out cold In bed, 1.5 bottles gone.
I had been shredded regarding her trip to the states... I said that as she been so critical in the past, I didn't want to drive her 320 miles to the airport and back twice. I even found her the best trains.
I was accused of being spiteful because her disagreeable, freeloading daughter is going and wants free rides. Made a deal, I'll do the chauferring but one word of complaint and they're both out on the pavement!
I'm now accused of, "behaving weirdly"...and it's empowering!!!
Outside the rifle club now, about to go after the magic 100 score.
I had been shredded regarding her trip to the states... I said that as she been so critical in the past, I didn't want to drive her 320 miles to the airport and back twice. I even found her the best trains.
I was accused of being spiteful because her disagreeable, freeloading daughter is going and wants free rides. Made a deal, I'll do the chauferring but one word of complaint and they're both out on the pavement!
I'm now accused of, "behaving weirdly"...and it's empowering!!!
Outside the rifle club now, about to go after the magic 100 score.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 16
Originally Posted by BoxinRotz
Love tree ratting! I use the 20 gauge #4shot when leaves are on the tree n then break out the Marlin 22 bolt once the leaves drop. Omg... so much fun!
Then, it's BBQ squirrel time!!!
I use the 20 gauge #4shot when leaves are on the tree n then break out the Marlin 22 bolt once the leaves drop. Omg... so much fun! Then, it's BBQ squirrel time!!!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 16
Originally Posted by Snood
So I really enjoyed last night's film, kind of Pirates of the Caribbean meets Wells Fargo, and witty with it! Returned home at 11:30 ish to find wifey out cold In bed, 1.5 bottles gone.
I had been shredded regarding her trip to the states... I said that as she been so critical in the past, I didn't want to drive her 320 miles to the airport and back twice. I even found her the best trains.
I was accused of being spiteful because her disagreeable, freeloading daughter is going and wants free rides. Made a deal, I'll do the chauferring but one word of complaint and they're both out on the pavement!
I'm now accused of, "behaving weirdly"...and it's empowering!!!
Outside the rifle club now, about to go after the magic 100 score.
I had been shredded regarding her trip to the states... I said that as she been so critical in the past, I didn't want to drive her 320 miles to the airport and back twice. I even found her the best trains.
I was accused of being spiteful because her disagreeable, freeloading daughter is going and wants free rides. Made a deal, I'll do the chauferring but one word of complaint and they're both out on the pavement!
I'm now accused of, "behaving weirdly"...and it's empowering!!!
Outside the rifle club now, about to go after the magic 100 score.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: PA
Posts: 2,728
Originally Posted by foppish1
You know how to have a good time!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Kendal, Cumbria UK
Posts: 129
Originally Posted by BoxinRotz
Hope you're having fun!
Tonight was the town torchlight parade, so I went for my customary McD's (without Speedos and bunny slippers). Went on to the shoot but it was off - nobody showed to open the range. So, went across town and found two of my archery chums at play. Keeping the bow in the boot helped, so it was twilight archery.
Better than listening to my stepdaughter's self-serving nonsense for four hours...still had to give her a lift home though
Just discovered I can collect my new bow after I've dropped my lovely female contingent at the airport...that's in 10 days. At least then it's a fortnight out from under the glowering alcoholic storm clouds.
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