The membership's new, the problem isn't
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 16
Originally Posted by Snood 
Yes, thanks, but not in quite the way I thought 
Tonight was the town torchlight parade, so I went for my customary McD's (without Speedos and bunny slippers).
Tonight was the town torchlight parade, so I went for my customary McD's (without Speedos and bunny slippers).
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Nutmegger
Posts: 1,799
You are gathering evidence to further a point that has already been proved. It sounds as if you have all the evidence you need, you wife is an alcoholic. (I speak as a recovering alcoholic).
You play a part in the dance, and it is a dance. The daily fluctuations of how many cc's she drank don't matter. You know all you need to know.
From your posts it is clear you are miserable. The endless quest to know how much alcohol she has consumed daily keeps you in the victim seat. More information to prove that she drinks too much isn't necessary. She is consuming the alcohol and it sounds like it is consuming her now, but is it also consuming you? Monitoring her every move keeps you chained to her disease.
.
You play a part in the dance, and it is a dance. The daily fluctuations of how many cc's she drank don't matter. You know all you need to know.
From your posts it is clear you are miserable. The endless quest to know how much alcohol she has consumed daily keeps you in the victim seat. More information to prove that she drinks too much isn't necessary. She is consuming the alcohol and it sounds like it is consuming her now, but is it also consuming you? Monitoring her every move keeps you chained to her disease.
Taking your power back and really focusing on what would make you happy and whole is within your power. You are a grown man, and if you want to have a Happy Meal in a Speedo wearing bunny slippers in the rain then that is your prerogative. You are entitled to be happy and joyous in this life. (I hope this does not come across as uncaring, it's not my intention. I just hope that you understand how much is within you, and that you gain clarity about what you deserve.)
No one can hurt you without your permission.
No one can hurt you without your permission.
Hence the bunny slippers and speedo....
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Kendal, Cumbria UK
Posts: 129
Apology entirely unnecessary, foppish1. Lets just say that though I could get away with the bunny slippers, me in a Speedo really doesn't bear thinking about 
Curiously enough, my wife is anything but 'widely'. She's a size eight and getting skinnier. I was told to worry when she began eating mostly salads to get round the hidden calories thing. Guess what?
Not that I've mentioned it but her looks are suffering with all the boozing. Her hair and skin are evidently dry, and the greys of her eyes tell a tale from time to time.
Pity really, she's very body/appearance proud but I couldn't be that cruel.
Curiously enough, my wife is anything but 'widely'. She's a size eight and getting skinnier. I was told to worry when she began eating mostly salads to get round the hidden calories thing. Guess what?
Not that I've mentioned it but her looks are suffering with all the boozing. Her hair and skin are evidently dry, and the greys of her eyes tell a tale from time to time.
Pity really, she's very body/appearance proud but I couldn't be that cruel.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Kendal, Cumbria UK
Posts: 129
Originally Posted by foppish1
So sorry about widely...that's often the way things go. My own just melted away after a while.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Kendal, Cumbria UK
Posts: 129
What a nasty person.
After the furore (Thursday evening) of my being accused of being spiteful over taking my wife and her daughter to the airport, I've had another roasting.
I'm going to Wales with my pal, to see our mutual pal. We're also picking up the new (to me) compound bow and arrows I bought (about which she remains ignorant).
So, she came out with, "You knew you were going to Wales and you just wanted to increase my blood pressure." I pointed out that I had only been invited to go on my trip last night, two nights after her initial accusation.
Having established that she should get her facts right if she's going to have a go at me, I got a further kick in the teeth.
I'd found her a train to return home, rather than my doing 160 miles + again in the car. Train = £9 per head, trolleys can be had at the airport and the station is linked by an overhead walkway with travelators.
So, she instructs daughter to ask ex-husband if she (daughter) can have a lift home, along with mum.
Now, ex-hubby followed my wife back to the UK from his failed US business. I always said that contact should be kept to a minimum, as it's hurtful to me.
He now hates her, and probably won't offer a lift anyway. But the approach - made in front of me - was pure nastiness. That said, I've shown a 'don't care' approach. She even asked if I minded...er, go figure.
Not happy.
After the furore (Thursday evening) of my being accused of being spiteful over taking my wife and her daughter to the airport, I've had another roasting.
I'm going to Wales with my pal, to see our mutual pal. We're also picking up the new (to me) compound bow and arrows I bought (about which she remains ignorant).
So, she came out with, "You knew you were going to Wales and you just wanted to increase my blood pressure." I pointed out that I had only been invited to go on my trip last night, two nights after her initial accusation.
Having established that she should get her facts right if she's going to have a go at me, I got a further kick in the teeth.
I'd found her a train to return home, rather than my doing 160 miles + again in the car. Train = £9 per head, trolleys can be had at the airport and the station is linked by an overhead walkway with travelators.
So, she instructs daughter to ask ex-husband if she (daughter) can have a lift home, along with mum.
Now, ex-hubby followed my wife back to the UK from his failed US business. I always said that contact should be kept to a minimum, as it's hurtful to me.
He now hates her, and probably won't offer a lift anyway. But the approach - made in front of me - was pure nastiness. That said, I've shown a 'don't care' approach. She even asked if I minded...er, go figure.
Not happy.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Kendal, Cumbria UK
Posts: 129
Originally Posted by BoxinRotz
I wouldn't arrange a lift for her if she's going to be a nasty woman. Let her deal with it snood. She's a big girl.
The lift to the airport is now just part one of my jaunt. We set off at 0600...stepdaughter will sleep in the back seat, wifey will end up snapping at me 'cos she fears flying. I'll have them there in time for wifey's 'bacon sandwich'. Airport.sandwiches are expensive...over £10 in the Observatory Bar last time.
Having taken her practically to the gate last Nov, I handed over the suitcases, wished her a good time and said, "I love you". Her response was "Good". This time, it'll just be "bye" from me.
I'm forbidden from saying certain things 'cos they 'upset her'. That cuts both ways...I could take her attitude as a license to say what I like.
Keeping out.of the.way while she packs. I suspect.that during WW2, the Normandy Landings were easier to organise!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Kendal, Cumbria UK
Posts: 129
Oh, I have a sense of humour, a well-developed and cynical one at that
Had to laugh this evening, a one and one-third bottle night.
She stole a line out of 'Game of Thrones' which was on...
Living with me is like, "Being cooped up with an old bat."
The fact that I didn't respond, '"Better than living with a drunken sot." shows what a nice guy I am
Had to laugh this evening, a one and one-third bottle night.
She stole a line out of 'Game of Thrones' which was on...
Living with me is like, "Being cooped up with an old bat."
The fact that I didn't respond, '"Better than living with a drunken sot." shows what a nice guy I am
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Kendal, Cumbria UK
Posts: 129
The worm, as they say, continues to turn...
When I came back in from archery, wifey was still awake and watching TV.
"I've some questions to ask." says she, before launching into a slurring diatribe. The gist of it was about looking into the last two weeks' bank transactions. She grabbed the computer and was clearly looking for sums of money lacking in the accounts.
"It isn't that I don't trust you," she woozed, "...but I've every right to look."
"Sure you have, sweetheart, look away."...meaning, 'go ahead, you won't find anything wrong.'
She didn't.
In the end analysis, I just went downstairs, away from it all. I've run the bank for 27 years and have looked after 'our' finances for ten years.
I also said, 'You're drunk and you don't know what you're doing.' Even I second that.
So, another nail in the coffin of resentment. Even if her stupid daughter had been on he phone every five mins, even if she is getting herself overdrawn, it ain't my doing!!!
Bottom line: act like a bitch and I'll treat you like one!
She's sleeping it off now, and I'm working on the web. Even my legendary patience wore thin tonight. It's no way for any man to be treated.
End of rant
When I came back in from archery, wifey was still awake and watching TV.
"I've some questions to ask." says she, before launching into a slurring diatribe. The gist of it was about looking into the last two weeks' bank transactions. She grabbed the computer and was clearly looking for sums of money lacking in the accounts.
"It isn't that I don't trust you," she woozed, "...but I've every right to look."
"Sure you have, sweetheart, look away."...meaning, 'go ahead, you won't find anything wrong.'
She didn't.
In the end analysis, I just went downstairs, away from it all. I've run the bank for 27 years and have looked after 'our' finances for ten years.
I also said, 'You're drunk and you don't know what you're doing.' Even I second that.
So, another nail in the coffin of resentment. Even if her stupid daughter had been on he phone every five mins, even if she is getting herself overdrawn, it ain't my doing!!!
Bottom line: act like a bitch and I'll treat you like one!
She's sleeping it off now, and I'm working on the web. Even my legendary patience wore thin tonight. It's no way for any man to be treated.
End of rant
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Kendal, Cumbria UK
Posts: 129
Here we go again. This evening, wifey and I went to see Irish comedian Ardal O'Hanlon (Father Dougal from UK sitcom Father Ted). Here's how it went...
Wife returned home at about 5pm, having been supermarket shopping, and to see a medic about her blood pressure.
By the time we left to see Ardal, she'd used 375cc (4.2 units) from the fridge (a conservative figure).
Two large glasses of Pinot Grigiot pre-show and at the interval (500cc/6 units).
Back at home, another 650cc (7 units).
Equals 17.2 units in 6 hours, the equivalent alcohol units equivalent of just under 8 pints of Carlsberg lager.
Subjectively, she was slurring by 6, walking uncertainly by 10. Ruined the show for me - the comedian "wasn't funny enough." It wasn't the first time this had happened.
The medic had said her BP was 'spot-on'. I've been doing the measuring, and up to 149/92 isn't what I call 'fine' for a 59-year-old.
Is it a death wish?
Wife returned home at about 5pm, having been supermarket shopping, and to see a medic about her blood pressure.
By the time we left to see Ardal, she'd used 375cc (4.2 units) from the fridge (a conservative figure).
Two large glasses of Pinot Grigiot pre-show and at the interval (500cc/6 units).
Back at home, another 650cc (7 units).
Equals 17.2 units in 6 hours, the equivalent alcohol units equivalent of just under 8 pints of Carlsberg lager.
Subjectively, she was slurring by 6, walking uncertainly by 10. Ruined the show for me - the comedian "wasn't funny enough." It wasn't the first time this had happened.
The medic had said her BP was 'spot-on'. I've been doing the measuring, and up to 149/92 isn't what I call 'fine' for a 59-year-old.
Is it a death wish?
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: PA
Posts: 2,728
She knows the risk and until she feels the full force of a life n death scenerio she may never stop. She's in denial. She's hearing her BP is spot on n she's got the green light. She has simply not had enough. You will never stop her. Your counting how much she drinks does nothing but send you into panic. All I can say is, Dude... you know she's drunk. Just stop wracking your brains counting the CC's. Believe me, I didn't have to find the bottle to know my AH was blitzed. All I had to do was look at the fool!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Kendal, Cumbria UK
Posts: 129
Originally Posted by BoxinRotz
She knows the risk and until she feels the full force of a life n death scenerio she may never stop. She's in denial. She's hearing her BP is spot on n she's got the green light. She has simply not had enough. You will never stop her. Your counting how much she drinks does nothing but send you into panic. All I can say is, Dude... you know she's drunk. Just stop wracking your brains counting the CC's. Believe me, I didn't have to find the bottle to know my AH was blitzed. All I had to do was look at the fool!
Wise words once more. I think I'm the one in denial, at least until tonight. It's her flight to the US on Tuesday. She hates packing, and hates flying even more but as far as the selfish son is concerned, aircraft only cross the Atlantic one way.
So, she started at about 6pm afaik. Hammered by 8pm, plus the usual stuff...reminding me four times about everything, etc. No real nastiness, though, just drunkenness.
It was a record in my presence - 2.3/4 bottles. Yes, she's a fool, yes, she needs help. And yes, I'm extremely disappointed.
I may be able to attend a local AA meeting tomorrow night - if I can think of an excuse. Then, replies may go patchy for a day or two - I'm on the road.
So, it's welcome to the nitty-gritty for snood. None so blind as those who won't see.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Kendal, Cumbria UK
Posts: 129
The plot thickens!
I took my wife and stepdaughter to the airport. Rose at 6am, got them there by 8am, with only a little traffic on the way. As arranged, not a word about my driving, the time, the conditions or the traffic.
I heaved the suitcases out and said to my wife "enjoy". As S/daughter waddled away, my wife said "hold on" before whispering "I Love You" and giving me my first non-drunken hug in over two years.
You could have knocked me down with a weapon of mass destruction
Reflecting later, my cynical side kicked in. She'd asked about a Twitter friend request that popped up on my laptop. Is the I.L.Y. to do with two-plus years' abuse or is she fearing my freelancing - or ejecting her?
Anyways, I had some jollies. Went to pick up my new compound bow, then saw mate no:1 before driving back to the home of mate no:2. Had a nice meal with them before heading home the next day, having bow tweaked and shooting it that evening.
Meantime, on Monday evening, I'd left her thinking I was teaching Sea Scouts how to shoot a pistol. In reality, I went to a local AA meeting, which turned out not to be open. Sad stories, wry humour and some inspirational efforts. Not for me, however, as has proved the case with another forum - the AA lot have their own burden and don't need mine.
I am missing my wife, naturally, and am receiving at least pleasant e-mails from her (with 'love' and 'xxxx' in the signoff). But it's nice not to have to consider how to behave at home.
She asked me to dispose of some open Cava and the bottle. My pleasure to pour it down the sink and bin the glassware.
I took my wife and stepdaughter to the airport. Rose at 6am, got them there by 8am, with only a little traffic on the way. As arranged, not a word about my driving, the time, the conditions or the traffic.
I heaved the suitcases out and said to my wife "enjoy". As S/daughter waddled away, my wife said "hold on" before whispering "I Love You" and giving me my first non-drunken hug in over two years.
You could have knocked me down with a weapon of mass destruction
Reflecting later, my cynical side kicked in. She'd asked about a Twitter friend request that popped up on my laptop. Is the I.L.Y. to do with two-plus years' abuse or is she fearing my freelancing - or ejecting her?
Anyways, I had some jollies. Went to pick up my new compound bow, then saw mate no:1 before driving back to the home of mate no:2. Had a nice meal with them before heading home the next day, having bow tweaked and shooting it that evening.
Meantime, on Monday evening, I'd left her thinking I was teaching Sea Scouts how to shoot a pistol. In reality, I went to a local AA meeting, which turned out not to be open. Sad stories, wry humour and some inspirational efforts. Not for me, however, as has proved the case with another forum - the AA lot have their own burden and don't need mine.
I am missing my wife, naturally, and am receiving at least pleasant e-mails from her (with 'love' and 'xxxx' in the signoff). But it's nice not to have to consider how to behave at home.
She asked me to dispose of some open Cava and the bottle. My pleasure to pour it down the sink and bin the glassware.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Kendal, Cumbria UK
Posts: 129
Well, it's remarkable. Just over a week alone and things are going well enough. Looking after the holiday flat we rent out, doing washing, ironing, bedmaking, etc. Painful work for me but rewarding. Been rifle shooting a couple of times and had one go with my new secret toy, the compound bow, on which I've also been working.
I'm missing one of my wives - the sober one. Definitely not missing the evil, drunken one. Had a few e-mails from her, and she's enjoying herself. And each mail said 'Love XXX' at the end. They've stopped now but they've gone South - and the news is telling me a lot of the US is closed.
Moreover, I've been to my first Al-Anon meeting, 20 miles away. I found it instructive, and the stories are soooo familiar. One bloke has set up a separate room and can lock his partner out....a bit like my overnight downstairs sessions.
The next meeting is in a week, on the evening of the day she returns. Whether I go to that particular one depends on how she is...drunk, jet-lagged (or both) or civil. In any event, I'll be going again.
One comfort is that one can be areligious, like me (not irreligious - your belief is a matter for you in my book). I use fate instead.
So far so good.
I'm missing one of my wives - the sober one. Definitely not missing the evil, drunken one. Had a few e-mails from her, and she's enjoying herself. And each mail said 'Love XXX' at the end. They've stopped now but they've gone South - and the news is telling me a lot of the US is closed.
Moreover, I've been to my first Al-Anon meeting, 20 miles away. I found it instructive, and the stories are soooo familiar. One bloke has set up a separate room and can lock his partner out....a bit like my overnight downstairs sessions.
The next meeting is in a week, on the evening of the day she returns. Whether I go to that particular one depends on how she is...drunk, jet-lagged (or both) or civil. In any event, I'll be going again.
One comfort is that one can be areligious, like me (not irreligious - your belief is a matter for you in my book). I use fate instead.
So far so good.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Kendal, Cumbria UK
Posts: 129
An update...
Wifey has returned from the US and has been as per usual since...canned every other night.
I've been shooting arrows and firing bullets at 2-inch targets. Midweek, I made use of Wifey's jet lag and went to the Al-Anon group again. Making some contacts and had a good talk form an ex-alcoholic.
I'd painted two ceilings and put down floorcovering in the bathroom = brownie points. It didn't last - tonight I was getting grief for not doing her tax account fast enough.
Still, it has been worse. I just told her that if she wants to be so disagreeable, I simply won't produce the work - that had an effect!
Shooting well with the new bow which is set up and ready for tuning.
Three golds in one set at 22 yards indoors. Keeping me sane!
Wifey has returned from the US and has been as per usual since...canned every other night.
I've been shooting arrows and firing bullets at 2-inch targets. Midweek, I made use of Wifey's jet lag and went to the Al-Anon group again. Making some contacts and had a good talk form an ex-alcoholic.
I'd painted two ceilings and put down floorcovering in the bathroom = brownie points. It didn't last - tonight I was getting grief for not doing her tax account fast enough.
Still, it has been worse. I just told her that if she wants to be so disagreeable, I simply won't produce the work - that had an effect!
Shooting well with the new bow
which is set up and ready for tuning. Three golds in one set at 22 yards indoors. Keeping me sane!
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
