OnawaMiniya

Thank you all so very much for all of the kind well wishes and prayers and positive words. I so appreciate it.

I went with his sister to the court. It was awful to watch him lead out in handcuffs, looking so ashamed. Looking down. Not even aware I was in the court room, even though I started at him with laser eyes lol. Never looked out. Was told he was instructed to look straight ahead though.

I know he understands that the drinking has to stop. But I also see he doesn't want to stop. Please pray that he "gets it". I know if he put his mind to it he could do it. If.

License revoked for a while. His sister and I paid the bail. Court dates to come. I called his work and made something up. Torn because of need to experience consequences since nothing thus far has woken him up. However, complex since we live where he works. Affects me too. I know many of you understand that conundrum. It sucks. But I chose him. I'm not a victim.

I just hope this was not for nothing. Time for him to get healthy. Or...misery.

Thanks again everyone. Hoping you are all peaceful no matter what is going on.

unsureoffuture

Prayers of strength and endurance coming your way. Sometimes it appears there are obstacles and challenges in our paths that once we get through them we look back and see they are blessings in disguise. Hangin there and trust the path your HP set before you.

OnawaMiniya

Thank you.

Right back at you - wishing you peace.

LexieCat

I totally understand the urge to call his work, but maybe next time he gets in a jam let HIM do the explaining. Nobody is going to fire him without finding out from him the reason he didn't show up for work. I would let him handle it however he handles it.

This isn't the kind of thing he can solve by "putting his mind to it." He's got to feel cornered and desperate enough to be willing to listen to people who know better than he does how to get sober and stay that way.

I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this.

Hugs,

Argnotthisagain

Oh dear!!!

OK, grit your teeth and dig in.

We are all here for you! We're all helping each other see what the next right thing is.

Breathe Courage Cry. Rest. ...Repeat....

That's the task right now. Keep it simple.

Prayers.

HopefulinFLA

I'm so sorry this is happening! I understand how scared and frustrated you must feel (been there too). I pray that this incident is your husband's "click", and he is able to find sobriety.

Hang in there!

Tawna

Onawa sending positive energy your way. If you can, try to find something that eases your anxiety and fear, even just a little bit. A favorite song, a quiet spot, anything at all that will allow you to let go of at least some of the fear and anxiety. Remember, when all else fails five deep breaths will always ease anxiety (if only temporarily).

In my thoughts....

OnawaMiniya

Thank you so much, everyone. He had blew a .13 on the road. Still didn't want to admit the reason he didn't have his headlights on was because he was drunk. Gonna be a long hard road, no matter what the outcome. God I hope he gets serious. He understands in theory. But still wants to drink. I understand. I do. Just hoping he makes choices that allow for a happy ending, as much as you can ever have one in life, which is hard enough to begin with.

Wishing you all peace and calm.

LexieCat

Being drunk might NOT have been the reason his headlights weren't on. I've done that completely sober.

That doesn't change the fact, though, that he was driving drunk. The headlights were simply the reason he got pulled over. He could have had a seatbelt violation or an expired inspection sticker. If you're obviously intoxicated when you get stopped for whatever reason, you are gonna get nailed.

OnawaMiniya

Yeah, I actually told him that, that people drive without headlights on sober, I guess I should have worded that better, to reflect what we actually talked about. He's saying if only his headlights had been on, none of this would have happened. Well, maybe. But if he hadn't been drunk, none of this would have happened. In all likelihood, he would have been scolded and let go. But, he reeks of alcohol even when not drinking. It comes out of his pores.

He's sleep on the couch sitting up right now. Hoping he just sleeps off what he managed to drink before I woke up. He has that tipping point where he becomes impossibly belligerent, angry, unreasonable, spiteful. There is a meeting tonight. Going to try to get him there.

dandylion

Onawa, I feel for the emotions that you feel, right now. I know how awful you feel.

Now is a time to think about the words in the Serenity Prayer. In times like yours, it helped me to hang on and brought some peace to my soul.

Repeat it over and over--as much as you need to.

You are going to survive this!!

dandylion

OnawaMiniya

Though I don't really identify with one religion, I do have my beliefs and when I like something I like it no matter the origin. And I do love The Serenity Prayer. It really is beautiful. Thank you.

Peace.

LexieCat

Does he WANT to go to a meeting?

fedupbeyondall

Oh honey. Lots of positive thoughts headed your way!!!!!!! (((((((HUGS)))))))))

OnawaMiniya

Yes. We went last Monday too, his suggestion. Thank goodness. He drank before the meeting and after but he went.

OnawaMiniya

He had actually wanted to go sooner but was drunk, didn't want to show up drunk. I said do you think you're the first or the last person to show up drunk? Please.

So last week we went.

He talked about going today. Never know what turn off events will occur though. Hoping he goes tonight.

OnawaMiniya

Supposed to say "turn OF events"...what a typo LOL

LexieCat

Well, I'd say getting a DUI is a "turn off event".

If he wants to go tonight, I'd suggest just giving him a ride and letting him navigate the meeting by himself. I think having you there probably minimizes the likelihood he would actually interact with other alcoholics there. I've seen lots of newcomers holding onto their partners like security blankets, and they don't wind up talking to anyone.

LexieCat

Oh, and it would be REALLY great if he would let people at the meeting know he will be needing rides for the foreseeable future. That can be a GREAT way to get to know people--and a nice little lesson in humility, too.

OnawaMiniya

Yes, I've talked to him about that, having me there not necessarily being a good thing for him. They do a group thing to start though no going around and sharing, then break off into groups and share. So he gets a chance to without me, and there is of course the promise of confidentiality, but still, I understand that me being there may hinder him, I definitely understand. When he wakes up I will ask him about this again, only one meeting so far, I will listen to him and read between the lines, what is needed at this point. I want him to st least get going to these things...then take off the training wheels lol. Getting him there is the priority right now. If he didn't want me there, I'm happy to not go in. Definitely.