So I just stomped my husband
Work it till it works.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 15
Thank you so much for your post. You'll never understand what it means to see someone who moved past the craziness. I know it was wrong even though I feel no remorse. I am done hitting (and kicking). I was so far out of line. The look on his face was terror at first. Addiction or not he didn't deserve that and I'm sure it's not gonna change a single thing. I am naturally calm until you push me then I can be pretty fiery, but this angry it's hard to describe. I keep asking what am I supposed to do and nobody will answer me, except him. His answer is "mind your own business and work your meetings; don't worry about me". How is that possible, our lives are meshed together? He is so selfish and thinks he's got everything figured out (including me). He uses that line as a free pass to run wild.
Originally Posted by hisimage48 
Crazy I've not read the entire thread so I'm sorry if this has been addressed or the situation has changed. I want to say years ago when I was with a crack addict I did pretty much the same thing . I lost it. Could barely see straight and just hammered him and kicked him in the back just like you said. So, I understand when you say you list control.
My concern is if he comes back and you apologize and it goes back to the same thing , that the next time you won't be able to stop. That is a lot if anger stored up if your feeling anything like I did.
Good thoughts for you. Stay strong. Don't let people get you to that point
My concern is if he comes back and you apologize and it goes back to the same thing , that the next time you won't be able to stop. That is a lot if anger stored up if your feeling anything like I did.
Good thoughts for you. Stay strong. Don't let people get you to that point
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Gulf Coast, Florida USA
Posts: 5,731
this post makes me so grateful To be clean and sober and in a boring old predictable relationship.lol Drug and alcohol free.
I hope you can just move on. No more violence though, don't want to end up in jail.
I hope you can just move on. No more violence though, don't want to end up in jail.
Work it till it works.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 15
I'm awake and he has not returned. Seems most of the night he was just driving around. He's on his way to meet the crack man right now. I now know his address. He's called him 7 times. 2x around midnight when I jumped on him, 3x at 2 a.m. and 2x just now. Such a mess. I seriously need my counselor, but my next appt isn't until next Wed.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: PA
Posts: 2,728
Why are you tracking him and his calls? No wonder you are a mess! You are letting him take you to Crazy Town! There is no need for you to do this to yourself!!! LET GO & LET GOD!!!
When you can let him live his own crack head life and YOU can LIVE & EMBRACE yours, you find much peace. Get off the Merry Go Round with him. You've got yourself so far up his ass and in his biz it's driving you crazy as in *caught-up-in-crazy*. Get off his ass, give him his crack pipe, and clothes and show him where the damn door is.
As for an outlet, go to the gym and start weight lifting! It is very therapeutic and offers an outlet for pent up RAGE!
When you can let him live his own crack head life and YOU can LIVE & EMBRACE yours, you find much peace. Get off the Merry Go Round with him. You've got yourself so far up his ass and in his biz it's driving you crazy as in *caught-up-in-crazy*. Get off his ass, give him his crack pipe, and clothes and show him where the damn door is.
As for an outlet, go to the gym and start weight lifting! It is very therapeutic and offers an outlet for pent up RAGE!
Work it till it works.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 15
My therapist said the same thing. Yesterday, I choose to stop paying for his cellphone contract. He gives me money and I pay the bills and organize everything so I had full access to everything on his phone. I think the phone disconnected at 6 am this morning. There is no signals coming from it anymore. I was enabling him by paying the bill and making myself crazy too. I am sure he will get another one but I won't be able to access it. I knew I wouldn't stop on my own, so I disconnected it. It feel relieved and burdened. How will I know he's lying? I was sleeping and eating with him right after using and had no clue. I asked my therapist this question and he couldn't answer it.
Work it till it works.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 15
, the lips of knowledge are a precious jewel. Your honesty is a beautiful thing. Thank you. I am gonna get some coffee and read.
Originally Posted by BoxinRotz
Why are you tracking him and his calls? No wonder you are a mess! You are letting him take you to Crazy Town! There is no need for you to do this to yourself!!! LET GO & LET GOD!!!
When you can let him live his own crack head life and YOU can LIVE & EMBRACE yours, you find much peace. Get off the Merry Go Round with him. You've got yourself so far up his ass and in his biz it's driving you crazy as in *caught-up-in-crazy*. Get off his ass, give him his crack pipe, and clothes and show him where the damn door is.
As for an outlet, go to the gym and start weight lifting! It is very therapeutic and offers an outlet for pent up RAGE!
When you can let him live his own crack head life and YOU can LIVE & EMBRACE yours, you find much peace. Get off the Merry Go Round with him. You've got yourself so far up his ass and in his biz it's driving you crazy as in *caught-up-in-crazy*. Get off his ass, give him his crack pipe, and clothes and show him where the damn door is.
As for an outlet, go to the gym and start weight lifting! It is very therapeutic and offers an outlet for pent up RAGE!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: NJ
Posts: 20,458
i don't condone violence, but maybe he is now afraid to come back....which is a good thing. he might not remember about the pills..if he does, call the police, he is afraid of them too.
He is not going to pursue anything that requires him to take legal action at this point ( i dont think). his main concern is his doc.
i think you just reacted and went into self preservation mode.
He is not going to pursue anything that requires him to take legal action at this point ( i dont think). his main concern is his doc.
i think you just reacted and went into self preservation mode.
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
From what you have posted, you have no grounds for a restraining order; he does. There is no excuse for violence like that, and I think you realize that. If you continue the way you are, one of you will wind up in jail, in the hospital, or dead.
I suggest you do whatever is necessary to extricate yourself from this relationship as soon as humanly possible. I'm not blaming you for being angry and frustrated, but you are responsible for the use of violence. Since you are at the point where you are losing control of yourself, the best thing you can do for yourself is to get OUT.
I suggest you do whatever is necessary to extricate yourself from this relationship as soon as humanly possible. I'm not blaming you for being angry and frustrated, but you are responsible for the use of violence. Since you are at the point where you are losing control of yourself, the best thing you can do for yourself is to get OUT.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 458
Wow- as I read this first post, I could only create a picture in my head of how the guy must have felt. High on crack, halfway though taking a dump, pants around ankles, bloody face and ass kicked by a woman. What a vision!
Good luck- I would recommend exiting the next there is the potential for violence, as someday he may snap too- And based on your first post, I am unsure of who I am most scared for. Life doesn't have to be this crazy.
Good luck- I would recommend exiting the next there is the potential for violence, as someday he may snap too- And based on your first post, I am unsure of who I am most scared for. Life doesn't have to be this crazy.
Work it till it works.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 15
All is (and has been) quiet on the home front. He has been sleeping A LOT and he is a little grumpy, but not mean. He said a curse word at me and I asked him why he did that and he corrected himself. I told him I love him, and I am still praying for him and I know he's going to get better. He said "that's not what you been saying". I challenged his statement and then clarified what was said and then he was quiet.
I am heading to a different church today. Don't want any questions from our home church.... Tonight, I am heading to my Alanon group.
I would like to thank you guys for the prayers. I KNOW some of you have sent some up for me and I can feel them and I appreciate it.
Thanks for correcting me and supporting me. I am so grateful.
I am heading to a different church today. Don't want any questions from our home church.... Tonight, I am heading to my Alanon group.
I would like to thank you guys for the prayers. I KNOW some of you have sent some up for me and I can feel them and I appreciate it.
Thanks for correcting me and supporting me. I am so grateful.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: WI
Posts: 195
Caught up in crazy thanks for your post. Though I easily see the wrong in violence, I didn't so easy see the wrong in dishing back verbal assaults at times when I was feeling assaulted. They were early on in the marriage (20 some years ago) but I have a clear memory of more then once saying, "you can dish it out but you can't take it." Wow...eye opening for me.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: WALTER, IN SoCAL
Posts: 10
Hello dear,
i'm sorry for your pain of being so used. He's done that too long for him to stop now, or stop usuing crack....so your planning an exit soon is best. Separate, to be sane and safe. Maybe you can separate safely and calmly. Have some help there, when you & your man, agree to all the separation splits; and that he can't come back. Won't he agree if you tell him, now you'll always call the cops for any drugs? He must fear arrest & jail.
i'm sorry for your pain of being so used. He's done that too long for him to stop now, or stop usuing crack....so your planning an exit soon is best. Separate, to be sane and safe. Maybe you can separate safely and calmly. Have some help there, when you & your man, agree to all the separation splits; and that he can't come back. Won't he agree if you tell him, now you'll always call the cops for any drugs? He must fear arrest & jail.
Work it till it works.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 15
Today marks 9 days clean. He's abstaining and that is dangerous. It's been a conversation that turns into an argument everyday except yesterday (Saturday). I know the arguments aren't helpful and we both are so fragile right now it easily happens. On Friday I showed him a letter our adult child had wrote expressing anger, confusion, distrust and a desire to not want to go on a day trip to get away from "ground zero" at home. Basically, the letter said this was an attempt to bury the hatchet and start a new and they didn't want to do it anymore.
I showed the letter to my husband and told him this is what happens when you don't communicate with your family. Huge argument follows. I slept in the living room after being told I only do things to hurt him. He was offended and said he couldn't help how they felt.
The following morning our child returns home and after thinking about my words the entire night and most of the morning the husband calls a family meeting. He was heart breaking honest about his activities. I also found out that the day prior (Friday) he had went to the crack mans house and paid his debt, but didn't re-up. He just came home after that.
Turns out disconnecting the phone was a excellent choice. It shut down nearly all of the distractions and shady phone calls. He asked me to turn it back on Thursday. I went hard in the paint on him. I asked him if I was cheating and getting phone calls from my lover would he turn the phone back on? That was the end of the conversation. He could easily get it turned back on. Problem is he wasted probably two thousand dollars in 8 weeks and now he's broke and the account is in my name and only I have access to it and the phone number that everyone has for him. I think I will let him loose that number. I need some input into this one?
The whole family has the same counselor which doesn't seem like it should be bad, but it is. I don't think this counselor is trained to handle our level of trauma. I was telling him the stomping incident and he started biting his nails during the session......yeah, no... Husband also said the counselor said I was crazy if I thought I could fix him. My intent was NEVER to fix him only to help him. I feel like my therapist has a God complex and I question his technique (I KNOW some of it's suspect) but I need a therapist so I tolerate until now. I feel the counselor gives us his opinion verses allowing us to work through our issues. My husband isn't so far gone that he is not going to get offended about calling me crazy and that was the perfect excuse to stop going. Husband now says he's uncomfortable with that counselor and wants to get another. Up until then husband was happy with the counselor. I told him he needs to make therapy a focus, but ultimately that is his choice. He has gone to meeting though. One thing the counselor did say was even though he hasn't used, he's not getting better. He said the disease is still active and not being addressed.
I am sad to say I suspect he will use as soon as he gets another check. He is literally, planning his life one day at a time, but he is not reinforcing himself.
The whole family is heading to church shortly and I am going to alanon tonight and I will offer for him to go with me. Enough of my rambling. Have a wonderful Sunday.
I showed the letter to my husband and told him this is what happens when you don't communicate with your family. Huge argument follows. I slept in the living room after being told I only do things to hurt him. He was offended and said he couldn't help how they felt.
The following morning our child returns home and after thinking about my words the entire night and most of the morning the husband calls a family meeting. He was heart breaking honest about his activities. I also found out that the day prior (Friday) he had went to the crack mans house and paid his debt, but didn't re-up. He just came home after that.
Turns out disconnecting the phone was a excellent choice. It shut down nearly all of the distractions and shady phone calls. He asked me to turn it back on Thursday. I went hard in the paint on him. I asked him if I was cheating and getting phone calls from my lover would he turn the phone back on? That was the end of the conversation. He could easily get it turned back on. Problem is he wasted probably two thousand dollars in 8 weeks and now he's broke and the account is in my name and only I have access to it and the phone number that everyone has for him. I think I will let him loose that number. I need some input into this one?
The whole family has the same counselor which doesn't seem like it should be bad, but it is. I don't think this counselor is trained to handle our level of trauma. I was telling him the stomping incident and he started biting his nails during the session......yeah, no... Husband also said the counselor said I was crazy if I thought I could fix him. My intent was NEVER to fix him only to help him. I feel like my therapist has a God complex and I question his technique (I KNOW some of it's suspect) but I need a therapist so I tolerate until now. I feel the counselor gives us his opinion verses allowing us to work through our issues. My husband isn't so far gone that he is not going to get offended about calling me crazy and that was the perfect excuse to stop going. Husband now says he's uncomfortable with that counselor and wants to get another. Up until then husband was happy with the counselor. I told him he needs to make therapy a focus, but ultimately that is his choice. He has gone to meeting though. One thing the counselor did say was even though he hasn't used, he's not getting better. He said the disease is still active and not being addressed.
I am sad to say I suspect he will use as soon as he gets another check. He is literally, planning his life one day at a time, but he is not reinforcing himself.
The whole family is heading to church shortly and I am going to alanon tonight and I will offer for him to go with me. Enough of my rambling. Have a wonderful Sunday.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 1,292
I'm the most docile and calm person you will ever meet. I never raise my voice or hit another human on this earth, but my ex A was MASTER at mind-f*ck and I lost it as well and attacked him.
These people and their insanity can turn Mother Teresa into a hit woman.
Having said that, you need to realize, you're as sick as him now. You're not addicted to crack, but the chaos.
I've been away from my ex A 3 yrs tomorrow (HUGE SMILE) and did 4 yrs in Al Anon and therapy and in recovery.
Good luck..... hug
These people and their insanity can turn Mother Teresa into a hit woman.
Having said that, you need to realize, you're as sick as him now. You're not addicted to crack, but the chaos.
I've been away from my ex A 3 yrs tomorrow (HUGE SMILE) and did 4 yrs in Al Anon and therapy and in recovery.
Good luck..... hug
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