Tiny step forward....advice?

Old 06-30-2013, 09:01 PM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by onipar View Post

I AM doing this, but I could use some advice, because she has borderline personality disorder, and is suicidal. She has tried to kill herself before (never while with me though). And since she lives with me, after I end it, it may take up to a week for her to find someplace to go.
Run. Run for your freakin' life.

Any threads, websites, suggestions to do this as carefully as possible would be helpful. As I said, I AM doing it, I'm just worried it will end with her attempting suicide.
Borderline Personality Disorder - Support group for families and relationship partners
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Old 07-05-2013, 04:11 PM
  # 22 (permalink)  
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Thanks! I posted over in that other forum area. I have been having a hard time of it the past days. I did ask her to leave, but it resulted in suicide threats, heavy drinking one night with police having to get involved (I was trying to keep her from walking into the road), and a lot of anger and self-injury on her part (cutting, punching herself in the face).

She has finally calmed down, but is still here because after all that occurred, I backed off because I was scared what she might do...but admittedly, also because I do still love her.

Once she got calm, she started arguing how she is finally starting to get better, trying to get sober, and thinks it could work if I'd just give her another chance. I have to talk with her tonight. I just hope I can keep my emotions at bay and do what I need to.
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Old 07-05-2013, 05:49 PM
  # 23 (permalink)  
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Let her find her own groups and you find your own groups.

QUOTE=onipar;4037884]Wow, thank you! I didn't even notice the "we" thing. I was so happy to hear her say that she wanted help, that I immediately slipped into the "we," telling her I'd be there for her and help her through it, etc.

So I have to just let her do this on her own (with groups, etc)?

I'm glad I posted, because I think I would have handled this the wrong way.

For instance, should I be looking for groups for her, or should I tell her to do that on her own?

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Old 07-05-2013, 06:46 PM
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Just one other thing to consider, onipar--if she is punching herself in the face and cutting herself, and the police are getting involved, YOU might wind up getting arrested. The police and prosecutors are trained to realize that often victims claim they have injured themselves to protect an abusive partner. I'm not saying it wouldn't eventually be straightened out, but you are in a fairly risky situation, there.
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Old 07-08-2013, 08:53 AM
  # 25 (permalink)  
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Thanks...yeah, this did occur to me as well. :-(
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Old 07-08-2013, 09:53 AM
  # 26 (permalink)  
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How are you doing? This seems like a very tough time.
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Old 07-09-2013, 11:46 AM
  # 27 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Danae View Post
How are you doing? This seems like a very tough time.
Thanks for checking in, Danae. She is still here at the moment. The last time we talked, even though I started out with talking about breaking up, we ended the conversation in more of an "up in the air" sort of way. She asked why I'd be doing this right when she is finally trying to get better. And she asked for one last chance.

The thing that complicates the situation is that we live in my parents house, and this effects them as well.

She hasn't had a drink that I know of since that bad night. Part of me wants to give her this last shot, but I know that sooner of later things will revert. And worse, I am starting to question how much I really want to stay with her (even if nothing bad ever happened again) anyway...

I'm planning on still breaking up with her. I'm just having a hard time having that last talk since we've done this so many time in the past week. But I'm going to get there.
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Old 07-09-2013, 12:20 PM
  # 28 (permalink)  
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It’s often said that “alcoholics don’t have relationships, they take hostages” and it would appear that you and your parents are HER hostages in your own home.

Alcoholics manipulate, she’s manipulated you into allowing her to stay right where she is. A few weeks ago she was trading one addiction (booze) for another (pills) has she given up both, that you know of?

Next time she manipulates by threatening suicide or punching herself in the face or cutting, call the police and have her removed into the hands of PROFESSIONALS who can really help her. You are not equipped for this nor do you or your parents deserve it.

Has she gone to AA? Has she sought out counseling? Has she done one single things except not drink (that you know of) to help herself??

If you are struggling with asking her to leave, then for once with this bad situation put your parents FIRST, put yourself FIRST……….just like she is doing!!!!!
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