CentralOhioDad

Well, friends, didn't think I'd be updating you on this so quickly, but my AW's 'proclamation' that she wouldn't drink for the remainder of Lent didn't last long.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ooze-lent.html

She worked late and came home after I went to bed. When I was getting ready to leave for work this morning, I noticed that she knocked off about 6 ozs of Amaretto. So, she managed to stay off booze for ONE entire night!! Woo-hoo!

I can thank you all for how I handled this whole thing. 1.) When she said she wasn't going to drink, I thought about hiding the Amaretto - nope, she's a big girl. 2.) When I saw it was used last night, I had a brief second of wanting to go upstairs and make a comment letting her know what I now knew - nope, she knows she did it, she can make her own choices.

So, I'm still recovering from being sick over the weekend, so I don't have the extra energy to give to more of this BS. There have been many comments lately about 'empty promises', and 'watch actions, not words'.... My story is proof positive of this advice.

Was I mad? No, more disappointed really. This proves (once again) that she 'needs' to drink.

I'm going to go on and have a good day. I hope you all do as well.

C-OH Dad

redatlanta

The disappointments remain but become easier to handle don't they? Glad you handled it so well and hoping you have a marvelous day today!

HopefulmomtoD

I'm sorry- I hope this failure reinforces to your wife that she is powerless over alcohol.

CentralOhioDad

HopefulMom - as much as I wouild like to believe that, her denial is WAY to strong for that. If she mentions it, which she might, it will be rationalized to the hilt, and there will be concrete justification for the imbibing.

HopefulmomtoD

That's too bad- denial/rationalization can be a very strong-though, not healthy- coping mechanisms. I've struggled at times with AA because I do not believe in God and its hard for me to envision the higher power, but I 100% believe in the "powerless over alcohol" concept and see how important that is for most alcoholics to come to accept in order to recover.

RightLAine

I'm sorry you woke up to that disapointment this morning. I think you handled it very well. I hope one day she will be able to admit to herself and to you her problems with alcohol. My mother was an alcoholic my entire life and never once did she admit to it. She passed away March 2010 from acute liver failure and while in the hospital when the dr.'s were trying to diagnose her never once did she tell the doctors she had a drinking problem.

choublak

Wow, so that was like one day if that even?

Justfor1

She may be physically addicted to alcohol. The one day she went without booze she may have still had alcohol in her system. Sometimes, what a alcoholic drinks is only the "tip of the iceburg". Alcohol detox is serious business & an alcoholic will continue to drink to avoid the withdrawals. It is insane to count how much she drank as she could have a stash hidden that she is drinking.

HopefulmomtoD

Good point, justfor1. It could be dangerous for her to cold turkey stop drinking ...

Recovering2

So her attempt to control her drinking didn't work. It never does. You did GREAT in this situation. I hope you have a good day.

Jazzman

It is what it is. Acceptance and indifference.. I know those feelings well my friend. Far better than anger and resentment.

LexieCat

Lots of failed attempts like that can sometimes add up over time.

I know you've basically given up any hope she will ever see the light, but the fact that she was even thinking about it "for Lent" suggests to me that there is some internal concern about her own drinking. I know it took me four and a half years of trying to control it (without anyone around to make pronouncements to about it) before I was thoroughly convinced my drinking, and my life, were utterly unmanageable.

celticgenes

The real victory here is YOUR actions! When I read your "Lent" post, I figured your wife's promise was hollow. Sad for her, and you, but what a different approach for you.

Our recovery really can make some difference in our lives, whether or not the alcoholic is still drinking.

Stay calm, and carry on!!

bailey17

Last year my xabf gave up drinking and pizza for lent. He started drinking 2 days later, and didn't touch pizza for 40 days. It felt like a slap in the face. I was more disappointed in myself for thinking he would really stop drinking. Sheesh :/

CentralOhioDad

So, she walks in the house last night with a big bottle of Vodka - she declares , quite proudly, "I found really cheap stuff!" I said, "What about the Lenten sacrifice?" She said, "Pfff, you have no room to talk, you still are drinking beer!" I responded with, "A beer every couple of nights is not the issue, and anyway I din't make some declaration about stopping, you did."

On that she responded with, "Well, it's PMS week, you expect me to stop now?"

Quack quack quack... What a bunch of crap.

Oh, and yes, she did pass out on the couch and came to bed reeking of alcohol around 2:00 a.m.

Everything is back to normal I guess. So sad.

Seren

It makes me sad that you accept this as normal. I'm so sorry to hear about your evening!

CentralOhioDad

That was a sarcastic "normal" on my part, I should have emphasized that! I don't accept it, but it is basically been the MO over the past 2 years now..

JenT1968

she did what you expected, she's an alcoholic.

well done for not getting angry.

can you see how she drew you in to an argument? one where you were justifying your alcohol intake? which bolstered her self-righteousness about deciding to drink?

not that it would have made any difference either way - she was going to drink whatever, but you might save yourself the indignity another time.

I've finally learned to head those "I found a really cheap one" comments from anyone who tried to draw me in like that with an "OK" or an "oh" or nod and smile - this is made much easier by the fact I don't live with an alcoholic anymore lol - but it's invaluable at work and is a skill learned through close observation of my boss, she does not get drawn into these things.

accepting has a number of meanings - one of them is close to "tolerating/putting up with/consenting to" the other is close to "understanding/believing", when al-anon talks about acceptance - it really is talking about understanding and believeing the reality of the situation - she is an alcoholic, she will drink, she will lie/gas-light/do whatever to protect that.

It is not talking about tolerating/excusing/putting up with/consenting to the situation or bad behaviour.

Once you really understand that there is truly nothing you can do about the FACT that she is an alcoholic who will continue to drink, you are left with understanding what your choices are in all this, and what action to take to make your life fulfilled.

lizatola

I'm in the same boat even though my AH didn't give it up for lent. He had a binge while traveling for work this week. Sent me a text making up some lame excuse for not calling me and then sent me another text this AM apologizing for not contacting me with a different excuse than the night before. DUH, it would really behoove them to get their stories straight, LOL. Was I angry? Yeah, I have to admit it. Mostly, I was disappointed.

He had been giving me the silent treatment for about 4 days before he left for the business trip. Now, he's acting sheepish and quiet but communicative. Oh well. This is what it is.

I do hope you have a great day and a lovely weekend. I, too, chose not to say anything to AH about his discrepancies. He knows what he did. I know what he did. Would it really make a difference if I say anything? What drives me crazy, though, is that there is a huge pink(or white) elephant in the room and I feel like I can't even talk about it because it would be a futile effort on my part. Very frustrating!

Cyranoak

...the only time giving up alcohol "FOR" something has any chance of success at all is when alcoholics give up alcohol for themselves.

C-