Giving Up Booze for Lent - Didn't Last!!
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Originally Posted by Cyranoak 
...the only time giving up alcohol "FOR" something has any chance of success at all is when alcoholics give up alcohol for themselves.
C-
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I don't understand the expectation. If an alcoholic could just stop, for God or the kids or the cat, they wouldn't be an alcoholic.
Regardless of what she thinks, do you not believe she's an alcoholic? If you did, why would you think she could just stop? If my husband has migraines, and I know he has migraines, and he doesn't get any help to stop them, I know he's going to get one again. The same with diabetes. If he's diabetic and he doesn't take his medication, I know he's going to get really sick. In both circumstances, it doesn't matter what he tells me. I know because I know what the disease it. If you've done your research and you know what alcoholism is, why did you expect her to be able to control something that's she's not physically able to control.
Maybe a part of you doesn't really believe she's an alcoholic either. Which begs the point, if you don't believe it, why should she believe it?
Regardless of what she thinks, do you not believe she's an alcoholic? If you did, why would you think she could just stop? If my husband has migraines, and I know he has migraines, and he doesn't get any help to stop them, I know he's going to get one again. The same with diabetes. If he's diabetic and he doesn't take his medication, I know he's going to get really sick. In both circumstances, it doesn't matter what he tells me. I know because I know what the disease it. If you've done your research and you know what alcoholism is, why did you expect her to be able to control something that's she's not physically able to control.
Maybe a part of you doesn't really believe she's an alcoholic either. Which begs the point, if you don't believe it, why should she believe it?
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Join Date: Jul 2012
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Originally Posted by cerene
I don't understand the expectation. If an alcoholic could just stop, for God or the kids or the cat, they wouldn't be an alcoholic.
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Join Date: May 2012
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Originally Posted by JenT1968
can you see how she drew you in to an argument? one where you were justifying your alcohol intake? which bolstered her self-righteousness about deciding to drink?
not that it would have made any difference either way - she was going to drink whatever, but you might save yourself the indignity another time.
I've finally learned to head those "I found a really cheap one" comments from anyone who tried to draw me in like that with an "OK" or an "oh" or nod and smile - this is made much easier by the fact I don't live with an alcoholic anymore lol - but it's invaluable at work and is a skill learned through close observation of my boss, she does not get drawn into these things.
not that it would have made any difference either way - she was going to drink whatever, but you might save yourself the indignity another time.
I've finally learned to head those "I found a really cheap one" comments from anyone who tried to draw me in like that with an "OK" or an "oh" or nod and smile - this is made much easier by the fact I don't live with an alcoholic anymore lol - but it's invaluable at work and is a skill learned through close observation of my boss, she does not get drawn into these things.
COD, I'm so sorry this happened. It is the status quo for living with an actively drinking alcoholic, but it doesn't make it any less sad or frustrating. Sending you strength & hugs.
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Join Date: Jan 2012
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Ohio,
Be sure to get some good physical workouts throughout all this. Because underneath the logic, there is surely anger in you, rage because you are helpless to control the situation, and anger that she is not loving toward you. You'll need to release those volatile energies somehow, so if you don't go to the gym or run or anything, then find some sweaty long-term project to do at home. You need to be concerned for all your buried emotions in a situation in which you feel powerless--they need to come out in a healthy, contained way or else they will start erupting in chaotic unexpected ways. Even cause you to have a driving accident.
She is so self-absorbed, so narcissistic, so self-justifying, so indifferent....and you must feel so lonely.
I hope you are still hitting Al-Anon. And hope your little toddler is doing well.
Ohio, you are really facing this situation with great integrity. And more will unfold. And you will handle it.
Be sure to get some good physical workouts throughout all this. Because underneath the logic, there is surely anger in you, rage because you are helpless to control the situation, and anger that she is not loving toward you. You'll need to release those volatile energies somehow, so if you don't go to the gym or run or anything, then find some sweaty long-term project to do at home. You need to be concerned for all your buried emotions in a situation in which you feel powerless--they need to come out in a healthy, contained way or else they will start erupting in chaotic unexpected ways. Even cause you to have a driving accident.
She is so self-absorbed, so narcissistic, so self-justifying, so indifferent....and you must feel so lonely.
I hope you are still hitting Al-Anon. And hope your little toddler is doing well.
Ohio, you are really facing this situation with great integrity. And more will unfold. And you will handle it.
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My Eyes Are Open
Originally Posted by cerene
I don't understand the expectation. If an alcoholic could just stop, for God or the kids or the cat, they wouldn't be an alcoholic.
Regardless of what she thinks, do you not believe she's an alcoholic? If you did, why would you think she could just stop? If my husband has migraines, and I know he has migraines, and he doesn't get any help to stop them, I know he's going to get one again. The same with diabetes. If he's diabetic and he doesn't take his medication, I know he's going to get really sick. In both circumstances, it doesn't matter what he tells me. I know because I know what the disease it. If you've done your research and you know what alcoholism is, why did you expect her to be able to control something that's she's not physically able to control.
Maybe a part of you doesn't really believe she's an alcoholic either. Which begs the point, if you don't believe it, why should she believe it?
Regardless of what she thinks, do you not believe she's an alcoholic? If you did, why would you think she could just stop? If my husband has migraines, and I know he has migraines, and he doesn't get any help to stop them, I know he's going to get one again. The same with diabetes. If he's diabetic and he doesn't take his medication, I know he's going to get really sick. In both circumstances, it doesn't matter what he tells me. I know because I know what the disease it. If you've done your research and you know what alcoholism is, why did you expect her to be able to control something that's she's not physically able to control.
Maybe a part of you doesn't really believe she's an alcoholic either. Which begs the point, if you don't believe it, why should she believe it?
C-OH Dad
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Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: atlanta, ga
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Cerene - It helps to read through a poster's threads if you are new to their situation. COD is very well aware that his wife is an alcoholic.
He didn't mention it, but I bet he didn't expect her to not drink.
He didn't mention it, but I bet he didn't expect her to not drink.
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My Original Post
This is what I had posted before that I had linked...
Yeah, I know, Lent started several weeks back; but the Wife told me today that she's "giving up boozing" (yes, her exact words) until Easter. Finished off the bottle of the cheap vodka last night and said won't buy another until Easter.
Do I think she can do it? No, I can't, but that's not my problem, that's between her and her conscience.
I'll let you know if it actually happens.
Yeah, I know, Lent started several weeks back; but the Wife told me today that she's "giving up boozing" (yes, her exact words) until Easter. Finished off the bottle of the cheap vodka last night and said won't buy another until Easter.
Do I think she can do it? No, I can't, but that's not my problem, that's between her and her conscience.
I'll let you know if it actually happens.
Living in a Pinkful Place
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 7,545
((COD))
your ability to continue thru this rough times, to continue your life, and to continue seeking what is healthiest for you is evident in your growth and in what I see from your post ~
Living with the active disease is not easy for anyone - doing it with grace, acceptance and respect for yourself and the A is even harder ~
Keep that garden of self clean as you have been and the inner peace, guidance, strength and courage will be with you ~
pink hugs
your ability to continue thru this rough times, to continue your life, and to continue seeking what is healthiest for you is evident in your growth and in what I see from your post ~
Living with the active disease is not easy for anyone - doing it with grace, acceptance and respect for yourself and the A is even harder ~
Keep that garden of self clean as you have been and the inner peace, guidance, strength and courage will be with you ~
pink hugs
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