is it ever too late?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 338
is it ever too late?
Someone just asked a question about long term sobriety. I know it is possible if the A really wants it and works a good program. However I often wonder if it is ever too late. My AH started drinking when he was about 17. He is now 52. That's his whole adult life. I hope and pray that he chooses sobriety but have begun to wonder if he even can at this point. It is the only way of life he knows.I imagine that again, if he wants it and works a program it can be done. But the odds seem stacked against him. Has anyone seen someone who has been a life long drinker get and stay sober?
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 149
I am worried about this too.
Did your husband ever have a long stretch of sobriety since he began or has his drinking been consistent? I'm sorry i don't have much advice, i'm a newbie and i just have my story to share right now. But the replies to my other post have given me a small seed of hope that it is at least possible and there ARE some success stories. The story you shared about the guy who reached 35 years was so amazing, thank you for sharing that.
My ABF started drinking at 14, he is 37 now. He just relapsed after being sober for almost 8 years. Between 14 and 29 he had some periods of sobriety from going to rehabs and working the programs....but these past 8 years have been his longest stretch of time sober since he began having a problem. He lost his job and that put him over the edge but the negative thinking started before he lost the job, his worldview began to get very bleak. He is in rehab now for 30 days....i'm glad he is getting help but i am feeling very shaky about our future together. He did so well for so long, i hope he gets there again....and stays there.
Did your husband ever have a long stretch of sobriety since he began or has his drinking been consistent? I'm sorry i don't have much advice, i'm a newbie and i just have my story to share right now. But the replies to my other post have given me a small seed of hope that it is at least possible and there ARE some success stories. The story you shared about the guy who reached 35 years was so amazing, thank you for sharing that.
My ABF started drinking at 14, he is 37 now. He just relapsed after being sober for almost 8 years. Between 14 and 29 he had some periods of sobriety from going to rehabs and working the programs....but these past 8 years have been his longest stretch of time sober since he began having a problem. He lost his job and that put him over the edge but the negative thinking started before he lost the job, his worldview began to get very bleak. He is in rehab now for 30 days....i'm glad he is getting help but i am feeling very shaky about our future together. He did so well for so long, i hope he gets there again....and stays there.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Anchorage, Alaska
Posts: 4,719
I've seen plenty in the rooms of AA. Yes, it is possible, and absolutely doable if someone is so inclined to do the work to get there.
One dear friend of mine has been sober since he was 19, and he's now 42 and still active in AA and NA. He says its remaining active in the programs that keeps him sober and sane. Another man I met and really liked a lot got sober in his 50's after a lifetime of drinking, and now in his 70's continues to be active in AA with a whole load of sponsees under his belt. He was in my Al-Anon group, too.
One dear friend of mine has been sober since he was 19, and he's now 42 and still active in AA and NA. He says its remaining active in the programs that keeps him sober and sane. Another man I met and really liked a lot got sober in his 50's after a lifetime of drinking, and now in his 70's continues to be active in AA with a whole load of sponsees under his belt. He was in my Al-Anon group, too.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Starting over all over again
Posts: 4,426
This is where I find the disease concept so helpful. Change the words around and see if it fits.
Is it ever too late for a man with heart disease to start excercising, eat healthy and follow doctors orders? I think the answer is "no". Recovery from a disease, any disease, has nothing to do with what has happened in the past and everything to do with what a person is doing _today_.
The question _I_ had to look at when I was living with a woman in the chaos of addition was whether it was too late for _me_ to find a healthy way to live, regardless of what she was doing. It is _my_ life I can do something about, and _my_ future I can build based on what I do today.
Mike
Is it ever too late for a man with heart disease to start excercising, eat healthy and follow doctors orders? I think the answer is "no". Recovery from a disease, any disease, has nothing to do with what has happened in the past and everything to do with what a person is doing _today_.
The question _I_ had to look at when I was living with a woman in the chaos of addition was whether it was too late for _me_ to find a healthy way to live, regardless of what she was doing. It is _my_ life I can do something about, and _my_ future I can build based on what I do today.
Mike
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Originally Posted by dollydo 
Yes, it is possible, about 10% of alcoholics do stop for life...not alot of hope, but some.
Chances of recovery if you don't try -- zero
Is you husband trying? Then there is always hope.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 6,262
NO! It is not too late. I encountered someone who got sober at 68. He must, however, have a burning desire to get sober and work a program with dedication. It takes honesty and willingness to stay sober.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
Dear Jamaica, I have known people who drank from teen years until late middle-age before recovery. I will say that these were people who I did not ever expect to do so. In each of these cases I really was surprised when I heard about it---pleasantly so.
I believe that in AA there is a saying "While there is life, there is hope".
Each person is so incredibly unique---I am constantly reminded of this.
While we are on this subject---I would add that because we never give up hope doesn't justify us allowing the disease to destroy our lives. There is more hope if all the enablers get out of their way so that they can feel the full impact of the consequences.
dandylion
I believe that in AA there is a saying "While there is life, there is hope".
Each person is so incredibly unique---I am constantly reminded of this.
While we are on this subject---I would add that because we never give up hope doesn't justify us allowing the disease to destroy our lives. There is more hope if all the enablers get out of their way so that they can feel the full impact of the consequences.
dandylion
Bunnies!
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 1,905
Originally Posted by dandylion
Dear Jamaica, I have known people who drank from teen years until late middle-age before recovery. I will say that these were people who I did not ever expect to do so. In each of these cases I really was surprised when I heard about it---pleasantly so.
I believe that in AA there is a saying "While there is life, there is hope".
Each person is so incredibly unique---I am constantly reminded of this.
While we are on this subject---I would add that because we never give up hope doesn't justify us allowing the disease to destroy our lives. There is more hope if all the enablers get out of their way so that they can feel the full impact of the consequences.
dandylion
I believe that in AA there is a saying "While there is life, there is hope".
Each person is so incredibly unique---I am constantly reminded of this.
While we are on this subject---I would add that because we never give up hope doesn't justify us allowing the disease to destroy our lives. There is more hope if all the enablers get out of their way so that they can feel the full impact of the consequences.
dandylion
As long as they're alive, then there's always hope. Just know that as the years go on, there is damage to their organs-- some of which is irreversible. Long-term alcohol consumption has adverse effects on the brain in addition to the liver, pancreas, etc. Even if an A does go into recovery, they may never completely "come back" as we once knew them. This is by no means a standard, but something to be prepared for if you ever knew your A pre-addiction.
The best guidance was given above, in focusing on how you can recover your own life. You'll never change your A or love them into recovery. Work on YOU, but never give up hope for your A.
~sb
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 15,967
I turned 51 in April and I had 11 months of sobriety. Today, I have over 15 months.
I know a young man of 73 who quit drinking. It's never too late but the person wants to want to quit to make it. We used the program (12 steps) of AA
I wish you and your hubby well!
Love & hugs,
I know a young man of 73 who quit drinking. It's never too late but the person wants to want to quit to make it. We used the program (12 steps) of AA
I wish you and your hubby well!
Love & hugs,
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 338
Thank You All. He is in deep denial mode. He has always been a "weekend/holiday/vacation" drinker. A couple of times he tried to "cut back" when we got into some pretty heavy duty arguments about it. He even went to a couple of AA meetings but thought they were "not for him". I think the longest he has gone without a drink is a month-just so he could prove to himself he could do it. Now he just says he wants to keep drinking. I still hope for sobriety or him but I think our journey together is over. We have been separated for 2 years and recently he asked for a divorce. I am living my own life, going to Al ANon and we have very limited contact. I am getting out of his way-for both our goods.
Bunnies!
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 1,905
White knuckling is definitely not the same as working a program. They'll never make it going cold turkey without a program in place. Just as you need a program for your own well being. Keep posting!
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